Tik Tok on the Clock

In the last 2 weeks I have seen The Backup Plan and The Switch (who knew sperm donors were so hilarious?). I'm guessing you probably haven't seen either, based on the box office results, but I'm here to tell you that both are solid chick flick rentals, if you're into that sorta thing. Now technically, The Switch is still in theaters, but I assure you it will be on DVD in a minute.

Having trouble deciding which ticking clock comedy to see? Don't worry, I'm here to guide you through the decision making process, like that special friend who takes you for your first pregnancy test in high school.

Hmm. Maybe I've been watching too much of Teen Moms. Sorry. Anyhoo...

GLAM APPEAL


The Backup Plan has JLO looking bright and shiny and rocking designer frocks in every scene.

The Switch has Jennifer Aniston looking somewhat disheveled (for a movie star, not for a real life person) and probably wondering why as Executive Producer she didn't fire her hair and makeup person.

Winner: JLO by her hair

SUPPORTING STAR POWER

The Switch has Juliette Lewis as Jennifer Aniston's wacky sidekick, no doubt wondering when her career veered into 'wacky sidekick' territory.

The Backup Plan has 82 year old Tom Bosley (Mr. C from Happy Days) playing a 93 year old, making you sad that he looks so frail and that he's no longer doling out sage advice to Richie and Fonzie. Also, Linda Lavin (remember Alice?) plays his girlfriend, probably wondering at age 72 how she could be cast as the girlfriend and missing Mel's Diner something fierce.

Winner: Though I sort of like the amusing backstory of knowing Jennifer Aniston + Juliette Lewis both were with Brad Pitt, I have to give the edge to The Backup Plan for pure retro appeal.


CUTE KID FACTOR

In the Backup Plan, we don't really get to see the fruits of Jennifer Lopez's, um, labor.

In the Switch, cutie patootie Thomas Robinson takes over where that kid from Jerry Maguire left off.

Winner: Thomas Robinson by default.


LOVE INTEREST


The Switch has fan favorite Jason Bateman as the guy that "shhh, we the audience know he secretly loves her but can't tell her even as she is about to get herself a donor". Unfortunately, he spends the whole movie doing that Jason Bateman surly thing, and you can't for the life of you figure out why she'd ever want to be with him.

The Backup Plan has Alex O'Loughlin as the guy JLO falls for right after she gets pregnant. Alex who?

Winner: Neither. Hollywood really needs to come up with some new leading men.

Tweetle Dumb

Lately, I've been nervous that I may have lost my edge. I was shopping at Marshall's (yes, Marshall's - go ahead and judge. It's the New Economy. I'm trying to be all Suze Orman-ish! Though, come to think of it, she probably wouldn't want me shopping at all. Hmm. Can't win.).

I digress. So I'm shopping at Marshall's and I pick up what I believe to be kind of a cool outfit, and then I'm stopped dead in my tracks. The sign above it says "Pretty 'N Professional". Am I really the "Pretty 'N Professional" sort? Me, a gal who has helped create global advertising campaigns for Calvin Klein? The same gal who has been FRONT ROW at Fashion Week?

Imagine my horror.

There was still time to recover. I mean, I know I'm still KINDA cool. My recent purchase of a sliced leather Linea Pelle bracelet has netted me dozens of compliments from utter strangers, so I must still have the look, right? So WHAT if I 100% copied it from JLO because she wore it in The Switch The Backup Plan. I. Still. Am. Cool.

Anyhoo, I tossed the "Pretty N Professional" outfit aside and reached for a much hipper suede-y-furry-fringey vest for fall. Totally Cool. Totally Hip. I'm so there.

Uh, the tag says "Teen Vogue" and I'm twenty years too late. Time to leave the store.

Maybe it's time to reassess. I realize one disastrous shopping trip shouldn't scare me into fearing my hipster relevance in the world, but dang it all Stella's gettin' her groove back. So I did something even more shocking than being pretty or professional. You're not gonna believe it.

I joined Twitter!
YUP, that's right, I'm now keeping up with what Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher all the crazy kids are up to. Ok, I still don't totally understand it, but I do know if you are a twitterer, too, I need you to follow me immediately! And if you REALLY want to help me out, maybe tweet a little love and tell your followers about me!
http://twitter.com/IsItJustMeTV

Thanks in advance for helping spread the word. I don't want to be destined for a life of Pretty N Professional.

PS. I hear this IPhone thing is catching on. Is this true?