Gimme a Break

Britney, Britney, Britney. Unless you've been under a rock, or worse...don't care about pop culture...you've heard by now all the hype leading up to Britney's "comeback" performance of her new single "Gimme More" at the MTV VMA's. Such a great opportunity for her to turn the beat around...so to speak.

Sadly, the girl that showed up Sunday night looked like she was miming her way through a rehearsal, save for the skimpy clothes that showed off her desperately makeup-airbrushed body which is suffering from severe Cheeto's abuse. Also, couldn't this gazillionaire afford to cover up her underarm stubble?

For weeks we've heard that she was collaborating with Criss Angel, which led me to believe she'd at least appear from a puff of smoke or something??! Perhaps his magic trick was getting her to channel Milli Vanilli?

If I were her advisor (and, let's face it, thank GOD I'm not), that girl would've popped magically out of somewhere in her REAL hair. C'mon it's gotta be as long as her idol Madonna's in 'Open Your Heart'! Natalie Portman and Mena Suvari have rocked some serious head shaving and made it cool. It's time for some serious re-invention, not this weird aging sad copy of her old self.

Still trying to figure out the Criss Angel connection....wait, I got it! I just realized that Britney DID collaborate with Criss Angel on this performance. Just like magic, her career just disappeared!!