Brand Identity

I can face it. I'm not really the MTV generation anymore. I'm more of a VH1 gal. But, I do try and keep up with what the kids are up to these days.

So when I saw promos for the MTV Video Music Awards featuring Russell Brand and Britney Spears, naturally I thought...who the hell is Russell Brand??!

Now, lest I end up with a Ben Stein-style influx of hate mail again, I wanted to make sure I hadn't missed the wave of possible celebrity that Russell must've surely ridden in on to warrant hosting these awards. I decided to do the only responsible thing a journalist would do.

I googled him.

I still don't know what Russell Brand did to get this hosting gig, but I did learn a few things, like:

Russell Brand was voted "Shagger of the Year" 2 years in a row in The Sun.

MTV REALLY wants to lure you to their awards to see what Brit Brit will do next.

Also, perhaps most curiously, MTV still has music videos.

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Dreamboat

So I know you're trying to forget the most boring telecast in history, the Oscars, but I couldn't let this go unsaid.





When I saw Colin Farrell on the red carpet, I was immediately transported to another time. Did anyone else take one look at the (sudden?) patch of gray in his hair and get reminded of that girl in Nightmare on Elm St??? Remember? She's so tortured and aged by her nightmares that overnight she awakens with a gray streak in her hair?

Come to think of it, they kind of look alike. Especially in the eyebrows.

Anyway, getting old just sucks. Poor Colin. Remember the good 'ol days when he was squiring around Britney Spears and they were both hot and not a punchline? Sigh.


And yes, of course as soon as I thought of this I had to IMDB Heather Langenkamp (aka the girl from Nightmare on Elm St.) and no, she's not up to much...except somehow I missed (or maybe I forgot) that she played Nancy Kerrigan in possibly the most serendipitous case of pure look-alike-ness landing someone a part since Christine Taylor landed the role of Marcia Brady.

Today's Obsession

Can The Today Show please start reporting real news? This show has basically become a bunch of weight loss segments crammed between Britney Spears updates.

On Monday's show, it was particularly evident that they've completely thrown in the towel and no longer even bother to do any research or maintain anything resembling journalistic integrity. When Hota Kotb talked to the extremely hard news-based source at People Magazine, she asked about Britney: Do they know "what kind of drugs she took"? Hey Hota, how about 'allegedly' took? Do you have any tangible evidence that this chick took drugs?

She then follows up that irresponsible statement with a comment about a photo that was published of Britney's mom at a cemetery, saying, "I think she was at her parents' grave?". The dude from PEOPLE had to correct her that it was the grave of Britney's aunt, since Hota didn't so much as Google the damn info to try and get it right.

Sigh.

Actually, I don't want to be accused of being irresponsible myself. One of the Today Show's lead stories was not about weight loss OR Britney...it was about some dude who accidentally turned his skin blue.

I take it back, Today Show. Smurfs are totally news.

J on the down Lo

I love those big pop culture moments, the ones that take place on late night talk and get you running to the water cooler the next day.

There's the vintage: Drew Barrymore flashing Letterman....Hugh Grant gets caught with a hooker and tells all on Jay Leno ("What the hell were you thinking?").

There's the recent: David Letterman grilling Paris Hilton about prison (just kill me now that I am, again, mentioning Paris Hilton).

And then there's now.

When I heard that Jennifer Lopez was going to be on Letterman, I thought, "She's going to announce she is preggers! Finally!" But, sadly, I was robbed. She and Dave did do the subtle baby dance discussion, but in the end...it was nuthin'.

I hate being wrong.

Well, announcing a pregnancy on Letterman didn't really work out so well for Britney, so, maybe Jenny from the Block was worried about a jinx. Or maybe she's not even pregnant.

None of this is really my problem. The real problem is...NOW what am I gonna talk about at the water cooler???

I miss Bennifer.

Gimme a Break

Britney, Britney, Britney. Unless you've been under a rock, or worse...don't care about pop culture...you've heard by now all the hype leading up to Britney's "comeback" performance of her new single "Gimme More" at the MTV VMA's. Such a great opportunity for her to turn the beat around...so to speak.

Sadly, the girl that showed up Sunday night looked like she was miming her way through a rehearsal, save for the skimpy clothes that showed off her desperately makeup-airbrushed body which is suffering from severe Cheeto's abuse. Also, couldn't this gazillionaire afford to cover up her underarm stubble?

For weeks we've heard that she was collaborating with Criss Angel, which led me to believe she'd at least appear from a puff of smoke or something??! Perhaps his magic trick was getting her to channel Milli Vanilli?

If I were her advisor (and, let's face it, thank GOD I'm not), that girl would've popped magically out of somewhere in her REAL hair. C'mon it's gotta be as long as her idol Madonna's in 'Open Your Heart'! Natalie Portman and Mena Suvari have rocked some serious head shaving and made it cool. It's time for some serious re-invention, not this weird aging sad copy of her old self.

Still trying to figure out the Criss Angel connection....wait, I got it! I just realized that Britney DID collaborate with Criss Angel on this performance. Just like magic, her career just disappeared!!