The Last Laugh

Look at you, CW Network, becoming all hip and trendy!

If you haven't been paying attention, this is a big week in television, The Upfronts. This is where (hopefully) eager advertisers get a peak at the Fall season and are enticed to part with what's left of their ad budgets to put behind the BIG shows coming up.

The CW, once a poor man's Fox Network, is not so suddenly like, the hippest cat on the dial.

Gossip Girl is of course back on the sked for Season 3 (duh) as is One Tree Hill. America's Top Model? Also back. And the new 90210? Still going.

As for the new stuff...no doubt cashing in on the wild success of the Twilight series, The Vampire Diaries will take a bite out of Thursdays.


In an interesting move, CW has eliminated ALL SITCOMS.

So on that note, I present to you teaser clips for two of their new shows. With the sitcom ban in place, I assume these are not meant to be funny.

First, The Beautiful Life is produced by Ashton Kutcher (WTF?) and stars Mischa Barton in a big acting stretch as a bitchy model. Check it out:

But of course, I know you only care a little about the models. You want to know the fate of the new Melrose Place, which incidentally, will air right after 90210 come Fall. I have no clue why Sydney (Laura Leighton) has become so whispery and breathy in this clip, and I'm not super psyched about the network's press release calling her "still beautiful at 40" (thanks a lot CW...I'll be off to get some Botox now...) but I did enjoy the surprising star who pops up at the end, who, like Laura Leighton, appears to have been cryogenically frozen since Melrose 1.0 went off the air in '99.


Some more fun facts: the pilot was directed by Davis Guggenheim; you may know him for his super cool musem-y name or his famous film, "An Inconvenient Truth"; I know him as Elisabeth Shue's hubby. That's Elisabeth SHUE...as in ANDREW SHUE'S sister. Can a Billy Campbell appearance be far behind?

And speaking of random nepotism-ish stories, the blonde chick that pops up at 1:51 in this clip (who is also the brown haired star on Harper's Island) is the daughter of David Cassidy. As in, "I Think I Love You".

I think I love CW.

Spelling it Out

With our beloved Sydney triumphantly returning to the 'new' Melrose, I can almost overlook the hiring of Ashlee Simpson as a sure sign of the apocalypse how much the 'new' 90210 has been botched.

Maybe it makes me old (though not as old as that chick who played Andrea Zuckerman...that chick was like 50 during some of those graduation scenes!). Maybe it makes me a whiner. But wouldn't 90210 two-point-ohhhh have been better if it just plunked down more of those beloved (dare I say iconic) Aaron Spelling characters of yesteryear into circa now? They could just jump on that Lost/Desperate Housewives (and soon Gossip Girl) time travel train...flash backs and flash forwards are all the rage!!

Besides, let's be honest, unless you're Hilary Swank, being an alumni of an Aaron Spelling show? Not always good news, so let's give some of these kids a helping hand. They need work, and not just playing a guidance counselor (Jennie Garth, what are you DOING? Where is that fire survivin' pill poppin' I-choose-me gal that I used to love? Get thee a real plot line for Kelly, quick!).

Spelling Spinoff Alumni Outreach Program Contenders:

"Valerie Malone" Tiffani (sometimes Amber) Theissen: For awhile there, every sinking show was calling on this little vixen to be their secret weapon (this means you, What About Brian, Good Morning Miami and Just Shoot Me). Now? Last year she made a movie called Cyborg Soldier. CYBORG. SOLDIER. Maybe give her a gig on the new Melrose. She can be the new pool boy.

Or something.





"David Silver": Brian Austin Green Oh dear. I thought you were busting outta the pack. You had the hottie Angelina-wanna-be lined up as a blushing bride, and a regular gig on that Terminator series that almost made me forget that rapper thing you tried in the 90's. But girl doesn't want you to put a ring on it, after all, and I think you just croaked on that show.

Maybe time for a plan B, though I'll give it to you for staying in the press, even if this headline is a new low in journalism history.

"Steve Sanders": Ian Ziering He danced back into our hearts for a little while, but the long running gig as the voice of "Biker Mice From Mars" is surely not how this dude wants to be remembered? Give him a penthouse at Melrose. C'mon!

Now about that Candy Spelling. Surely there's a Mommie Dearest remake just waiting to hit the big screen...