Gone Baby Gone

Upfront week continues, and today it's ABC who has unveiled their fall plans.

NOT making the cut:



October Road: So, just as I had feared, we'll never find out if Nick is Sam's father. Or if Hannah will marry Big Cat. Or if the networks ever give a show with potential time to build an audience.












Cashmere Mafia: Sorry girls, NBC's Lipstick Jungle reigned supreme in this matchup. Pack up your knives Manolos and go.










Oprah's Big Give: I guess she gave enough at the office. Show's over.

Inexplicably, According to Jim comes back midseason. Oh goodie. I can't wait.

On the new front, King of Quirky David E. Kelley's got another show coming at ya. Life on Mars is about a detective who is transported to the 1970's. And Opportunity Knocks is an Ashton Kutcher reality show where producers show up on your doorstep and you have a chance to win prizes.

Opportunity Knocks is NOT, apparently, the feeling execs had for Big Shots. That show's gone buh-bye, too. Sorry, DYLAN MCDERMOTT, time to hit up big shot boss David E. Kelley for a new job.

On the Road Again

*SPOILERS*

I know I should STOP BLOGGING ABOUT OCTOBER ROAD, but I have to just get this one in...and not just cause some of you wrote in to say that you secretly watch, too. Are you the same people that are secretly Republicans but voting for Obama?

Anyhoo, I watched the whole two hours of the season (or is it series?) finale. Which wasn't so much a two hour season finale as two episodes run back to back...but I digress. It was finally, dare I say, pretty good? It was returning to its Beautiful Girls roots and starting to finally tie up some loose story threads. (I mean, seriously, that dad played by Tom Berenger thought he might have cancer like 5 episodes ago...they're just addressing it NOW?)

The real problem with this show has been the Nick/Hannah relationship. This whole thing started with Nick's triumphant return home after 10 years to see Hannah...who has a kid who may or may not be his. And like any decent show, they've spent all season keeping them apart even though you know at some point it'll all work out.

But then October Road got off track and I stopped knowing WHAT this show was about (other than people in a Boston-ish town who have no accents except Tom Berenger who has one that comes and goes).

In the finale, though, there were subtle signs that they were figuring it all out. As it was nearing its climactic end, I was getting excited. Drama! Nick's leaving town again! This is what it's all about. The music started. On screen we cut back and forth between Nick leaving town and Hannah at her engagement party to someone else.

A cliffhanger! Will Nick really leave town while his dad has cancer and Hannah's poised to marry someone else? Will Hannah really marry Big Cat? Car driving down the road with Nick looking out the window, Hannah dancing around her engagement party. Car driving away. Hannah. Car driving away. Hannah. It was soooooooo Will Felicity choose
Ben or Noel-ish? They're about to fade to black. I love this!

[Needle off the record]

And thennnnnnnnnnnn the show went on for like 15 more minutes.

Sigh. Nick came back to town in the lamest non-cliffhanger EVER. Now, they didn't tie up the storylines perfectly or anything, but they just ruined it all with superfluous fluff that makes me think this show is not coming back like, ever. They rubbed further salt on my wounds by wasting time having the guys sing YET ANOTHER cringe-inducing song for YET ANOTHER montage to finally put this thing out of its misery.

Learn from the Sopranos, people!

If you come back next season, please, keep the ride a little more mysterious.

I Remember You

I don't know a single other person that watches October Road besides me, so I'm not sure why I'm dragging you down with me....but indulge me.

This week's episode was an October Road/Stand By Me mashup. When the guys hear that a girl they all had a crush on at the age of ten has died, they reflect on her impact via flashbacks purposefully made to resemble that famous movie. I almost expected Richard Dreyfuss to start narrating.

Instead, the flashback revealed that when said ten year old girl moved away, the boys had planned to give her a necklace engraved with the title of the Skid Row song, I Remember You- her favorite. So of course, at that moment, I think, "Here comes the cheezy song".

Nope.

Then we flash back again to the boys going to visit the now moved away (but not yet dead) girl. Of course they'll play "I Remember You".

Um, nope. (And even worse, we're made instead to endure a bad singalong to a Cinderella song. Please. Make. It. Stop.)

Finally, back in the present, we see the boys arrive at the dead chick's funeral. They bring the necklace and give it to her daughter. Clearly, they'll play the song here?

Sigh...no.
They DO eventually play it at the end of the show, but by the time THAT rolled around, I was thinking
A) I can't believe that I continue to watch this show.
B) I can't believe that I will probably buy that Skid Row song.
C) I can't believe that giant graphic ad for Dancing with the Stars has been in the corner of my screen through this entire episode.

I remember you when you were at least sorta good, October Road. But now, you're sorta...not.

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around

It's hard to commit to a new show. Your time is limited, your DVR is packed, but don't you just love it when you find your 'new' Sopranos? Or Sex and the City? I've tried to help over the past year, championing a few long shots that are worth your while, but frankly, sometimes it's a losing battle and it leaves me heartbroken. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I'm ready to fall in love...with some new shows. It's just so hard when you want the newbies to be good and they're just...not.

This is starting to sound like alot of my relationships.

Remember "What about Brian"? It started out as a promising tale of unrequited love and ended in a mishmash of random characters from 90210. (I mean that figuratively AND literally. Tiffani Amber Theissen was brought on late in the game to sex it up.)

And where are you, VH1's The Agency? We had some good times. I thought for sure there would be a season 2. Was it something I said?

And then there's those other shows...the ones that leave you totally hangin' with no closure. As cheesy as it was, I am still bitter that Fox pulled the plug on Reunion before revealing the killer back in '05.

I'll never know why Peter Horton joined the cast of Six Degrees.

And now, I have a funny feeling I will never know the identity of Sam's father on October Road. I know, you're thinking "But I don't watch October Road". And you're probably not going to, but I have been hanging onto that show like it's date 3 with a sorta cute (ok, boring) guy who I agree to go out with again because I'm 36 I'm still optimistic there's potential.

The most recent episode was just so desperate feeling. Not only was there a requisite cringe-inducing montage to Kiss' Rock & Roll All Night (note to TV producers in general: ENOUGH with the montages! Even MTV doesn't play music videos!) but now poor desperate October Road is just pulling out all the stops. A mysterious guest star (hi random casting, it's me, october road...is Armand Assante available?)! The dad has cancer! It's a secret!

I want October Road to be what it set out to be: the weekly updated version of the movie Beautiful Girls. Sadly, it's not. I feel so misled, and I've said it before: I'm just not that into you.

I hate freakin' Valentine's Day.

PS. Welcome back, TV writers! We've missed you. Now, please write me some new shows!

Knocked Up

Two little curveballs have been thrown my way this week regarding the paternity of a child.

Or have they?

Relax, I'm not on Maury, and I ain't talkin' 'bout no baby daddy of mine. I AM however, talking about two shows: October Road & Brothers and Sisters.

*SPOILERS*

First, Ken Olin appeared at the end of Brothers and Sisters this week. If you don't remember, he and Patricia Wettig (who plays Holli Harper) starred together on "Thirtysomething". His brief scene, where he drops in on Holli at her office featured a seemingly OBVIOUS moment where he sees Rebecca's picture and Holli seems to OBVIOUSLY brush off his inquiry about the OBVIOUSLY placed GIANT pic of Rebecca. Isn't it OBVIOUS? That Rebecca's dad is really Michael Steadman? (Sorry, that was a little inside for you boomer Thirtysomething fans.) So, what I mean is, Ken Olin is OBVIOUSLY her dad, right? Or is he? I venture to say that we'll all be kept wondering about this for awhile. I love a good red herring. Yum.

Meanwhile, over on October Road, we've been teased for a few weeks with Eddie Latekka's seemingly BIG SECRET in the ads. "We gotta tell him". "I have something to tell you and you aren't gonna like it". Whatever the BIG SECRET is, the tv people sure want us to think it's something huge. Is Nick Garrett really Sam's father? They've made it SEEM like that all season. OR, in a shocking plot twist, do they want us to think Eddie Latekka's the dad? And who exactly is the "THEY" that will be writing all this stuff given the strike??!

I digress.

I don't know who Rebecca's dad is. I don't know who Sam's dad is. But one thing I DO know is that babies sure are a groovy plot device. Remember how shocked you were when Rachel on Friends turned out to be the preggers one?

Listen, as long as there are movies and television, there will be plots spun around babies. Fake babies, kidnapped babies, lost babies, wanting a baby...but let's be honest, it's those mysterious baby daddies that always get us.

This means YOU, Darth Vader.

Writer...blocked!

I've missed you all. Hopefully, you've missed me.

I'm here to tell you something you may already know: Timewarner Cable is the devil (guess I've kissed any future jobs there goodbye...oops).

For the past two weeks (!) I've had to deal with intermittent non-functioning cable and internet (thus my disappearing act). I know this seems not possible, but it's true. Last night, I was filled with glee hearing that it was (finally) fixed. I burst through the door knowing that I would not have to endure any more silence (the absence of white noise was killing me). So I put on the tv...and...everything's in SPANISH. I couldn't really make this stuff up. Muy mal.

Anyhoo, it's finally fixed, which is good for them because I was about to go all Michael Moore on their ass.

Well, I'm back up and ready to blog away, hungry for the coming holiday...no, not that one, though I do love me some turkey. It's time for SWEEPS!!!!! My favorite time of year! I have so much to catch up on, but now, with the writer's strike, who knows what we'll be seeing.

I can tell you that the previously planned November debut of Cashmere Mafia is already officially on hold so that ABC can launch (hopefully) in the new year. Oh, and by the way, October Road is also supposed to come back with a 2nd season debut end of November (is it just me or should they have debuted, well, in OCTOBER?). I haven't heard of it being impacted...yet.

I know it's hard, kids, what with our favorite shows in jeopardy and all, but we must support the strike. Writers deserve their proper piece of the pie, too, ya know....because without their words, frankly, there's nothing left to say.