Oh you crazy Bachelor kids! Why'd you have to go and recycle that kinda-seems-like-a-hick Brad Womack?? Surely you could do better? If it was controversy you were a-courtin', why not cast now-legendary (ok, kind of) bad boy Kovacs??
(For you non-Bachelor watchers, we'll get to him in a minute.)
I mean, who makes these decisions?
Anyhoo, Womack's claim to fame was that - scandal alert - he didn't pick either girl at the end. People were outraged. They couldn't believe he didn't fake-pick someone only to real-break up with them 6 weeks later!
But that's not really why he ushered in the Bachelor's brief shark-jumping era. I mean, in the beginning, they'd trot out all these guys with a gimmick, and you would (sort of) understand why the gals were all atwitter: Billionaire vineyard owner Andrew Firestone! Sort of a prince Lorenzo! Related to a C-List Actor Charlie O'Connell!
Womack's credentials? College drop-out/bartender. Woo hoo! No wonder you ladies were so upset he didn't pick you. How could you let him slip through your fingers?!
Oy.
So, supposedly he's gone through "intensive therapy" to ensure he's ready to pick someone at the end. And by "intensive therapy" I'm sure that means ABC's contract makes sure he's gotta walk outta there with some girl sportin' some bling.
But the bigger question is, who the hell wants him?
Would you date this man?
ABC, since you've thrown the Rico-Suave rich guy thing out the window as a pre-requisite, and recycling is your thing, why not bring back Jesse Kovacs?? He's the kind of guy every girl has gone out with (or tried to) at least once. Ladies, if you're around 25, you know this guy: hat backwards, cocky as hell dude? He might lure ya in with an Amstel Light when you see him across the bar, right?
We're almost half way there, people! Super premiere week rolls on and we have our very first ousted dancer on Dancing with the Stars.
*Spoilers*
Much to my chagrin, it was not "When a Man Loves a Woman" crooner/Nicolette Sheridan lover Michael Bolton that went home, but instead, they hassled the Hoff! That's right, David Hasselhoff, beloved Knight Rider rider/Baywatcher/German pop star David Hasselhoff was sent home. A travesty of justice, voters!
You must be the same people that kept Kate Gosselin around longer than Shannen Doherty. Shame on you.
Movin' on.
Tonight, ABC's "Modern Family" is back and I couldn't be more excited. But before that, "Better with You" premieres and I'm cautiously optimistic. The reviews have been sort of meh, but then again all the critics lovvvvvvved Lone Star and the headline in my inbox this morning said it might be canceled after one episode.
Clearly, no one knows anything.
Anyhoo, "Better With You" follows three couples in different love stages: newly engaged after a few weeks, dating for 9 years, and married for 35 years. Sure, the premise could get old (how many living together/Goldie Hawn + Kurt Russell jokes can they make? And they can't even dive into Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins territory anymore!) but I'm a sucker for comedy so I'm willing to check it out.
Also tonight is NBC's premiere of the new J.J. Abrams spy drama, "Undercovers" Not sure if I'm still bitter at J.J. for "Lost" or feeling oversaturated on the spy front, but this show looks kind of lame to me. So it'll probably be a smash hit.
"The Whole Truth" is yet ANOTHER courtroom drama on ABC, this time promising to show both sides of the case to 'keep you guessing' about the outcome. Didn't we kinda do that on "The Practice" like 10 years ago? Anyway, it's got Maura Tierney and Rob Morrow, so there's that.
Last but not least, Survivor actually started last week, but if you want to see Nicaragua, a whole lot of trailer park trash and random contestant, ex-coach Jimmy Johnson compete for a million bucks, set the DVR to CBS.
I feel terrible. Like a total poseur. I tell y'all to blow off Dancing with the Stars and what do I do? I watch it. Not just part of it. Not just the beginning.
Every single shiny cha cha cha.
Sure, it started out innocently enough. All the really good tv wasn't starting till 9, so why not kill an hour dancing with the stars? But smarty-pants ABC saved all the good people for 9-10, and how could I NOT watch Jennifer Grey bring back a little dirty dancing? I mean, "I've Had the Time of My Life" was my prom theme for crying out loud.
Which makes me (and Jennifer Grey) kinda old. (But no less fabulous, of course.) In case you missed it, here's the clip...and if you don't cry when you watch...well then you are made of stone!
Meanwhile, back at the, um, ranch, I have Lone Star (and all the others) still on my DVR so I can't yet weigh in, but apparently I wasn't the only one watching Baby Come Back last night because Lone Star tanked in the ratings. Always a tricky thing, being the critical darling. Oh well.
Anyhoo, some noteworthy premieres tonight: Fox has Raising Hope and Running Wilde. Raising Hope is from the makers of My Name is Earl and is about a young white trashy kid who suddenly must raise a baby with help from his white trashy family; Running Wilde stars Will Arnett as a rich guy trying to woo hippy chick Felicity Keri Russell...hijinks ensue!
For all you Gleeks and weight loss lovers, Glee and The Biggest Loser are back. Personally, I'll be cozied up to see who gets voted off DWTS. I'd just assume send Bristol Palin home, not for political reasons, mind you, but because the poor thing looked about as comfortable and coordinated as I did at my 7th grade recital. And trust me, you don't want me to dig up THAT VHS.
The curiosity factor will probably keep her around at least another week or so. Plus, the judges oddly didn't rip her to shreds as I thought they would. Can't say the same for poor, stiff, uncomfortable, dull looking Michael Bolton. You're on the chopping block, dude. Take a cue from Jennifer Grey and loosen up!
Wow. I went from watching Sex and the City re-runs again just to pass the time...to tonight's explosion of premieres and some super tv decisions to make. What to watch, what to watch. No doubt you are also feeling the DVR pressure. Might even be time to add another DVR.
(Or get a life.)
Anyhoo, as I was plotting my strategy on what to watch, it reminded me of an old drinking game I used to play, "Kiss, Kill, Marry". I don't remember how drinking played a part, but the concept is simple: given the names of three fictitious suitors, what would you do with each? You know, like "Kiss George Clooney, Kill Brad Pitt, Marry Jon Hamm".
Uh, or something like that.
There is so much crap premiering tonight that all I can say is, thank God I'm not a football fan, too, or I'd be really in trouble! So, since I'm not into fantasy football, let's play my little game:
KISS: The Event Yes, this looks like a keeper. Who doesn't love Blair Underwood in anything, really? But, I don't want to get too attached because it looks just like all those other high-concept shows that I get all into and the network pulls the plug around episode 7. The plot? It's about some big cover-up that even the president (Blair Underwood) didn't know about. Some regular guy who looks exactly like James Marsden (but is actually Josh Ritter) gets caught up in all of it while trying to find his missing girlfriend. Also, that chick that played Kerry Weaver on ER is a big part of it but she doesn't have any crutches.
KILL Dancing with the Stars I know, I know - I kinda wanna watch Jennifer Grey, too. Not tryin' to put Baby in a corner. But Bristol Palin? Really? How many times do you think the camera's going to cut to Mommie Dearest in the audience? I can't stomach that. Besides, you can catch the recap tomorrow instead of sitting through all 120 minutes of mush.
MARRY: Lone Star Not gonna lie, I'm really just jumping on all the other critics' bandwagons here, but I've already mentioned that this show about a guy living a double life looks pretty good to me. Plus, newcomer James Wolk has lots of potential as the next McDreamy-ish heartthrob type, and we need some more of those, no?
ON THE FENCE: Hawaii Five-O I'll check it out because Scott Caan is hilarious. Jury's out on the guy from "The Backup Plan" (let's hope he's better in this) and, no offense to Daniel Dae Kim, but I just can't view him as anyone but Jin from Lost.
Chase If you're a Jerry Bruckheimer fan, this is for you, but I'm not overly excited, mainly because all of the marketing materials start out describing the female lead as a "cowboy-boot wearing deputy" and that sounds really lame. But, the premiere episode features Travis Fimmel, a model I worked with early in his career (name drop alert!) at Calvin Klein, and he was sweet as pie. So watch for him.
Lots going on around the talk dial. Larry King's Out. Piers Morgan is in. And David Letterman did his very first appearance on that super estrogen fest you love to hate, The View.
You'll have to wait till November 8th to catch Conan on TBS.
Back to Letterman for a sec. I've always been TEAM LETTERMAN ever since the Leno/Letterman late night wars (remember when that poor actor dude had to don a prosthetic chin in the MOVIE about this? Eek.). Let's be honest, the Letterman/Leno spat is old news, but I can't help it, the Conan dustup got me all interested again.
And it got Babs interested, too. God bless her, she got right in there and asked Dave about it and it's pretty juicy. Dave even impersonates Leno. Love it!
So how come the ABC marketing machine isn't putting this clip everywhere? Boooo ABC. Bad marketing. Bad.
Instead, the clip they are pushing everywhere is Dave and Barbara talking about their heart surgeries. Yes, I'm glad they didn't croak but if I wanted to hear about heart stuff I'd re-watch the Boston Med episodes still clogging up my DVR.
Or maybe a Denny Duquette rerun on Grey's Anatomy.
Well, some dude had a heart and cared enough to upload the Leno bashing, so you can watch it here...even if it's VIDEOTAPED off the tv. Oh dear, this is worse sound quality than when I used to hold my cassette recorder up to the tv to record that Joanie loves Chachi song. Anyhoo, the juicy stuff starts around :30 in.
Or, if you've got some time to kill, you can sit through the whole episode all bright and shiny on ABC's website. Hmm, maybe they're smarter than I thought.
As for Piers Morgan replacing suspenders spokesperson Larry King, I guess he's ok. I would've preferred someone with a little more spunk. Lately my choice for every tv host vacancy seems to be Bret Michaels or Chris Harrison. Bandana or Fantasy Suite?
Oh Jake and Vienna. How you make me ashamed of myself for following your "journey".
If you, like me, stayed up last night to see Jake and Vienna try and out fame-whore each other, you felt more than a little grody this morning. I think I have a Bachelor hangover.
I mean, first we had to sit through that SNOOZE fest Bachelorette episode last night where NOTHING happened. Say what you will about Justin "Rated R", but now that he's gone, what is there to watch for?
If the trailers are right, the producers are basically saying "Sorry this is so boring, but hang tight till the episode where Ali and the boys are at the beach, because Frankie-four-eyes is gonna drop a BOMBshell that will leave Ali bawling her little doe eyes out.
(Sorry, Frank, about the four eyes comment. I have glasses like that too, but I only wear them in the privacy of my own home to like wash my face and stuff. Splurge on the thinner lenses or get Lasik or something if you're gonna go on tv. Thanks.)
I digress.
In the meantime, like other pathetic Bachelor fans, I stayed up to watch the most boring Bachelor breakup in history. I love love love Chris Harrison, but couldn't he have gotten them to spill more salacious details than...Jake doesn't like when Vienna questions his ability to give directions?
Oh, he's a man?
But seriously, if Jakey-poo was hoping to parlay Bachelor-dom into an acting career, it might be time to rethink that choice.
Well, unless he was trying to ACT like a douche. In that case, ship this boy an Academy Award immediately.
I finally got around to watching Monday's Bachelorette. With each week's episodes clocking in at 2 hours, it's hard to get through it all in a timely fashion. So, it ends up on a to-do list somewhere between laundry and a mani-pedi (hey, you can't neglect your cuticles).
Anyhoo, this crap gets loonier every season, and they've got a doozy of a character this go-round. Having worked with some Bachelor producers myself, I have it on pretty good authority that all contestants have to go through a pysch consult before going on the show.
I'm pretty sure Kasey slipped through.
I'm also pretty sure the producers must be giving Ali a bonus to keep this crazy stalker around.
In case you missed it, after Ali basically told Kasey to refill his anti-pyschotic prescription slow down, he went out and got a tattoo. In her honor. Oy.
Before Ali got to see this piece of (art)work and be suitably horrified, she was pulled away, so he slips through to another week. Sadly, though, her biggest mistake wasn't keeping Kasey around.
Ali, Ali, Ali. When the producers boss you around to keep a seemingly deranged lunatic on the show so people keep tuning in, ok, you do it.
But, when they ask you to don a LEOTARD that even Heidi Klum would have trouble pulling off, one that is so unflattering it creates a fake-side-boob situation, it's time to take a stand.
I don't care if you get to be in "The Lion King". In that outfit, no one can feel the love tonight.
When people tell you, "I've got good news and bad news", which do you ask for first?
I've got both.
Two of your favorite FRIENDS are returning to television - Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc.
Welllll...first, I'm giving you the bad news:
Matthew Perry is coming to ABC in a new series called "Mr. Sunshine". Now, I've always liked Perry, even if he sorta always plays the Chandlerish character. That's cool. It's comforting and dependable, like when you're channel surfing and have to stop to watch Rocky or Pretty Woman (again). Adrian! Work it, girl...you own it!
Never gets old.
So, I was sorta psyched to watch this promo and see what kind of hijinks the latest Chandler incarnation would get into.
And then I watched. Oh dear God, I watched. All 3 minutes-OH-DEAR-GOD-HOW-MUCH-LONGER-IS-THIS and one seconds of it, I watched. Perry is a turning-40-having-a-midlife-crisis guy who manages - WAIT FOR IT! - a stadium. Hilarious, right? Um, not so much.
Maybe it's just a bad teaser. Maybe it'll be better than it looks. Maybe the world is flat.
Not exactly holding my breath.
On a lighter note, Matt LeBlanc's comeback (Is my spin thru IMDB right? Has he really done NOTHING since JOEY?) on Showtime has me calling up my cable provider and adding the pay channel to my lineup.
Matt LeBlanc plays...Matt LeBlanc. Maybe this joke will get old. I hope not. The premise centers around producers bringing a British show to America. They want to dumb it down, so they cast - who else? - Matt LeBlanc. Brilliant!
Those Bachelor producers are at it again! The latest Bachelorette (no big surprise for those of us Rose followers) is Bachelor/Jake season alumni/early-leaver Ali.
Now, I was a big Ali fan on the Bachelor, too. Cutie, blondie, breezy, New England-turned-San Fran gal? What's not to like?
Well, here's the problem.
We're two episodes in, and there are some issues. Now, don't hate me for this, but...
Dear Bachelorette-stylemakers/producer-types;
Ali finally dumped the Facebook job to go on your Bachelor franchise, the main purpose of which is to get her in a hot tub on national television...I'm sorry, but she is not looking TV skinny. Hold the hate mail. I'm sure her skinny jeans are way skinnier than mine. I am NOT suggesting she is fat. Calm down.
But, you producer-types are making her look kinda, well, NOT Bachelorette-ish. If you were throwing her in some prepster J.Crew-ish dresses more often, it'd be just fine. But, you're shoving her into these awkward unflattering outfits and seem to have pasted some Brittany Spears-ish extensions into her formerly au naturel hairstyle. Or worse, her photo shoot with the boys had her rocking a bikini with...what were those, business pants? If she can't rock the full bikini, then at least throw her in a sarong!
Let's be clear - I'm not hating on Ali. I'm SO not. But fix that wardrobe problem, STAT!
Also, with all the fame whores eligible bachelors out there, couldn't you at least have found some hotter guys?
On a lighter note, I'm proud of you Bachelor producers. Season 800 (or whatever) and you've kept your record and delivered a season teaser that includes a police siren and what looks like some serious drama drama drama.
I'm still here. Kinda sounds like something someone would say in a melodramatic love story, no?
In this case, though, it's just me reminding all you loyal readers that I haven't forgotten ya! Big changes here in tv gal's world, leaving little time to entertain you with my tv tales.
Alas, I'm not a Lost time traveler, so I can't turn a wheel that rotates the globe and go back in time (or whatever the hell they do on that show), but I can kick off 2010 (better late than never) with my random musings on what I've been seeing on that little box we call TV.
*Spoilers*
Lost Oh dear, I've been along for this entire ride and I still have no idea what's going on. And not just on a large scale. Was anyone else curious last week when Sawyer had that engagement ring for Juliet? Was there a Kay Jewelers on the island?
The Bachelor When this show is good (Andrew Firestone season was the last good one, judge if you want to) it's good, and when it's bad it's reallllllly bad (What was worse, C-List Jerry O'Connell's brother or that fake prince?). You gotta give it up to ABC for hanging in there, though. It's gotta be in like the 100th season, and they are keeping it fresh by busting out so many producer orchestrated twists and turns that I am shamelessly hooked. Contestant kicked off for hooking up with a producer! Bachelor hates the contestants so much he can't even bring himself to give out all the roses! Contestant picks job over Jake!
Bring it. I'll be there for the final rose.
The Olympics Sorry, I'm all GO USA and such, but unless a skater gets clubbed in the knee, I just can't bring myself to care.
The work-a-holic-ness continues, thus, so does the blog neglect (whimper), but I certainly couldn't let this week go by without mentioning how sad I am about the passing of John Hughes.
Perhaps by now, you've seen plenty of 'best of' statuses from fellow Facebookers or articles recalling some of your favorite quotes:
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
Demented and sad, but social.
His name is Blane? That a major appliance, not a name!
John Hughes, in his prime, was so important that the professor of my Human Development course at Umass screened "The Breakfast Club" in class as part of an overall analysis of high school archetypes. Of course, he could've just been a lazy teacher who loved movies, but I think he was right on to include it as part of our studies. Don't we all feel a little Molly Ringwald-ish at some point in our teens?
(Yes guys, this means you, too!)
With John Hughes' death, and my TWENTIETH high school reunion looming large before me, I am feeling oldie-olderson and super 80's nostalgic. I miss my hair being kind of awesomely huge. And I kind of want to chuck my Ipod for an Iroc. Too bad I begrudgingly threw out my Z. Cavaricci's years ago. My butt looked so good in those pants.
Hollywood is feelin' the 80's love, too. Though St. Elmo's Fire was not a John Hughes creation, it was certainly from that era, and word on the street is it's coming to ABC as a dramedy. When I heard this, I felt a mixture of glee and horror, sort of how I feel about the upcoming Melrose remix. I mean, with Melrose, there's the good (Sydney and Michael are back!), and bad (Ashlee Simpson as part of the cast? Really?).
I am remaining optimistic that St. Elmo's 2.0 could be sort of great, and now I kind of want to go on a Brat Pack bender of rentals. Bet you do, too.
Well, as usual, I digress. I just miss the 80's. And now I miss you, John Hughes. Thank you for making teen angst awesome.
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
I am trapped in the re-run and reality show desert. It's Thursday night and I want to time travel back to the 90's and watch Friends, Seinfeld and Clooney-era ER.
But alas, I cannot (well, technically I can if I watch TBS...but you know what I mean).
So, since I can't REALLY go back, I thought I'd look to the future and scoped out two upcoming ABC shows, Cougar Town, and Happy Town. ABC was also once home to the short-lived Molly Ringwald show Townies. Apparently, show naming is HARD.
ABC: also once home to Spin City.
Ok, I'll stop.
Anyway, here's a little sneak peak at Cougar Town: (And if you can't see the clip below, you can view it by clicking here:)
Here's the lowdown:
What's I Like It's from Exec Producer Bill Lawrence (Scrubs). If anyone is good at awkward comedy, it's him.
That is, of course, if you like that sort of thing.
And, Courtney Cox is good when she leaves the annoying side of Monica at home, but that brings me to...
What I Don't Like I see a little annoying Monica seeping in here. Also, less pratfalls please. Unless you're Lucille Ball, that kind of humor is almost impossible to pull off and kind of annoying.
Verdict Has potential, though it seems like the kind of show I start to like, only to have it get sent to Friday Night Death Row. Remember me, Lipstick Jungle and Six Degrees? Sigh.
Now, onto Happy Town, which you can watch by clicking here if you cannot see the clip below:
What I Like As I watch this clip, it's like my favorite game of NAME THAT RANDOM ACTOR!!! October Road heartthrob Geoff Stults is now some kind of sheriff-y guy; the desk dude from ER looks like he is also a long arm of the law; that old lady that was a creepy stalker of Gabby and Carlos on Desperate Housewives pops up, too, along with the dude that was the lead OTHER on LOST, sticking to what he knows best....creepy.
What I Don't Like What is this about, exactly?
Verdict Jury's out if this will be the next Twin Peaks (like they are advertising) or if it will be Pushing Daisies.
