Talk Soup

Lots going on around the talk dial. Larry King's Out. Piers Morgan is in. And David Letterman did his very first appearance on that super estrogen fest you love to hate, The View.

You'll have to wait till November 8th to catch Conan on TBS.

Back to Letterman for a sec. I've always been TEAM LETTERMAN ever since the Leno/Letterman late night wars (remember when that poor actor dude had to don a prosthetic chin in the MOVIE about this? Eek.). Let's be honest, the Letterman/Leno spat is old news, but I can't help it, the Conan dustup got me all interested again.

And it got Babs interested, too. God bless her, she got right in there and asked Dave about it and it's pretty juicy. Dave even impersonates Leno. Love it!

So how come the ABC marketing machine isn't putting this clip everywhere? Boooo ABC. Bad marketing. Bad.

Instead, the clip they are pushing everywhere is Dave and Barbara talking about their heart surgeries. Yes, I'm glad they didn't croak but if I wanted to hear about heart stuff I'd re-watch the Boston Med episodes still clogging up my DVR.

Or maybe a Denny Duquette rerun on Grey's Anatomy.

Well, some dude had a heart and cared enough to upload the Leno bashing, so you can watch it here...even if it's VIDEOTAPED off the tv. Oh dear, this is worse sound quality than when I used to hold my cassette recorder up to the tv to record that Joanie loves Chachi song. Anyhoo, the juicy stuff starts around :30 in.


Or, if you've got some time to kill, you can sit through the whole episode all bright and shiny on ABC's website. Hmm, maybe they're smarter than I thought.

As for Piers Morgan replacing suspenders spokesperson Larry King, I guess he's ok. I would've preferred someone with a little more spunk. Lately my choice for every tv host vacancy seems to be Bret Michaels or Chris Harrison. Bandana or Fantasy Suite?

You decide.

Pu Pu Platter

I mean, I bitched all summer about having nothing to watch. It was seriously the dregs. A re-run of Oprah picked up by my DVR was actually described as follows: "Dr. Mehmet Oz answers viewers' questions about bike seats, hot tubs and tight pants.".

Obviously, times have been tough, so I was pretty psyched that all the new programming was finally hitting the airwaves.

But, being the über busy gal I am, I had to have kind of a quickie cram session to catch last week's new stuff. It went something like this:

As painful as it was, I forced myself to zip through the premiere of The View co-hosted by Kate Gosselin. That is, until Kate said to Victoria Beckham something like "Oh, your marriage made it to ten years, unlike mine.". Um, yeah, you guys are the same.

DVR - Delete.

Then, it was onto Oprah's interview with Whitney, who now inexplicably is starting to sound like Marge Simpson. Stuck with that until the "Bobby Brown spit in my face" portion.

Delete.

Not really a Jay Leno person (go Team Dave!) but I had to at least watch the premiere in the interest of journalistic integrity. Ok, fine, he lucked out with Kanye West and even got him to cry. And Jerry Seinfeld would be hilarious reading the phone book. But basically, this is just the same show, earlier time...no thanks.

Delete.

So when I realized Sunday night contained the Emmy's, Mad Men AND Curb Your Enthusiasm, well, it became another DVR feeding frenzy.

**Spoilers**

But then all of my Emmy faves kept losing. Bupkis for Tina Fey? Or Julia Louis Dreyfus? Or Tracey Morgan? Or Neil Patrick Harris? Or Jack McBrayer? Or Elisabeth Moss? Or Jon Hamm? Really?

Delete.

The Talent Show

So, even though The View claims ratings are higher now than when Rosie was around, I'm a little suspicious. Lately they've had a whole lotta days "filled with hot topics". As in, NO guests. Isn't that cute? All the gals are just gonna coffee tawk it up.

Oh really?

Seems more likely to me that the ole talent bookers are having a problem booking guests. You be the judge. Just one day after a day of hot topics, the guests booked on The View were John Larroquette and Blake Lewis. Now, I realize Larroquette's on the kinda-popular Boston Legal (though he'll always be the Night Court guy to me) and Blake Lewis is (apparently) some beat-boxing American Idol dude but I'm just saying I don't think either is bumping Britney off the front page.

Am I wrong?

Speaking of American Idol, I'm toying with committing to watching it this season. I haven't watched religiously since the Clay Aiken years. It's just so much WORK. I only caught the 2nd half of Tuesday's Philadelphia auditions, but let me just say this: when Idol's good it's very very good - that girl that sold her horse to get to auditions is totally going all the way! And that nanny who sounds like Jewel and who's never been to an R movie? She's an early contender.

But when Idol is bad....it's just bad. Do people really REALLY like those bad auditions? Don't waste my time FOX. I don't want to hear the crazy rants of a Star Trek clad girl or watch some fat dude get waxed.

Please AI, just stick to the talented singers with the inspiring backstories. Bonus points if the contestant is poor, a struggling parent, or otherwise in need of a life makeover.

Finally, the talent pool over at Rock of Love Season 2 is feeling a little shallow. The premise, if you haven't heard by now, is to find a mate for Poison's Bret Michaels. Now, I never got a chance to catch much of Season 1 so this was a little new for me. I even admit I kind of enjoyed its unadulterated crazy (Oh sure, judge me. You know you'll be settling into a marathon by season's end). My only complaint is that some of that cast is beat. They can't find hotter girls for that stripper pole?

I guess I shouldn't be so judgmental about the way these girls look. After all, it ain't nothin' but a good time.

Boob Tube

Just as I'd prayed for in my February 24th posting, Sherri Shepherd has joined The View, and frankly, not a moment too soon. So far, the addition of Whoopi Goldberg has yielded a discussion on how she doesn't like to wear a bra, followed by an entire segment about finding Whoopi a bra.

If this is what the future of The View looks like, I'm thinking the picture is not too ROSIE. Sherri's got some sass though, and I am hopeful she's going to spice things up.

Meanwhile, over at The Today Show, that fourth hour is everything I feared. It's just fluff fluff fluff. Literally. One of today's highlights in journalisim featured a lengthy segment on curly hair vs. straight hair. Seriously? I smell Emmy!
At least Matt Lauer has the good judgment to hightail it outta there before that hour begins lest he be dragged into that embarrassing coffee klatch.

Jumpin' Jack Flash (back)

80's + 90's star Whoopi Goldberg has joined The View. I guess Bawb-wa Walters figures the former Hollywood Square might add some, um, Comic Relief. I just hope she lifts The View out of its current coma.

Meanwhile, also in this very special The View edition of "Norma Desmond Award" nominee news: Star Jones is clinging to fame by announcing (now) that she had gastric bypass surgery.

Well, it's a good thing they finally did fill at least one of those slots. The ever-rotating co-host chair was filled recently with people whose names Bawb-wa couldn't even bother to learn, but the pinnacle was Babs practically choking on her own bile enduring Ross the intern's stint. Maybe she's still bitter she lost the Paris interview to that other geezer, Larry King.