Winter's the New Fall

When I was a kid I used to get really excited when the Fall Preview issue of the TV Guide came out. Yes, I was a tv geek even then. (I think it also had a lot to do with my older brothers influencing me, but luckily their love of Star Wars/Star Trek didn't stick, too, or I'd really be in trouble.)

Anyhoo, September always meant 2 things for me: back to school shopping and new TV shows! Now granted, we had 3 channels and it involved that giant antenna thing on the roof to get those channels juuuuuust right, but still, September's always been the place.

These days, though, it seems like January is like the chicest premiere place to be if you're on tv. So, with the new year upon us, my DVR's filling up and I don't know what to do...so I need to talk it out:

Confessions of a Teen Idol
Pros: Chris Atkins is sweet + I'm loyal to my man Baio.
Cons: Following a bunch of has beens who never were.
Verdict: It's like my morning bagel - it's bad for me and I don't even like it that much, but I can't give it up.

Rock of Love Bus
Pros: Hilarious last season, wanna support my friend who works on it, and I've been supporting Poison since 1987.
Cons: I just don't know if I can watch another season of borderline (?) trannies playing mud football again.
Verdict: On the fence

American Idol
Pros: Love the sob stories, fun when it gets down to the final round, potential for Paula to implode on live television.
Cons: 1 hour into the premiere and that new judge reminds me of one of those sales girls who talks down to you in an expensive store even though she's only making 5 bucks an hour.
Verdict: Leaning towards the readers digest/DVR version (just speed thru the auditions and stopping for the sappy ones) until they narrow it down.

The Bachelor
Pros: Haven't come up with any and haven't watched the second ep. Chris Harrison's pretty cool though.
Cons: Bachelor Jason's eyes are too close together and it bugs me.
Verdict: Maybe one more ep then I'll return for the finale.









Lost
Pros: An actual intelligently SCRIPTED show. Imagine that! It's not reality tv!
Cons: Does anyone remember what happened last season?
Verdict: Duh. Wouldn't miss the Jan. 21st premiere. Besides, even if they lie to me about what happened last season, I won't remember.

Trust Me
Pros: A drama about an ad agency could be fun to watch.
Cons: Don't we already have Mad Men?
Verdict: Giving the Jan 26th premiere a shot.

Oh man, I just realized 90210 came back last week, too. I can't keep up this pace. Is it summer re-runs yet?

Weeding out the Finalists

*SPOILERS*

Don't let the door hit you in the dreads on the way out.

Sorry, Jason Castro fans, that was the feeling I had when he was finally sent packing in the most anti-climactic American Idol elimination...EVER.

Other random thoughts as I watched the producers stretch out Jason's final hour before he could hit the bong again the rest of the night:

-How is it possible that A) Über-dork Maroon 5 dude Adam Levine has allegedly bagged Jessica Simpson and Maria Sharapova? and B) if HE was one of the contestants, well...let's just say he SO would've been voted off the island...oh wait, wrong show. Well, you know what I mean!

-Bo Bice sure looks a lot like those guys in my high school that used to linger in the parking lot by their Camaro's at lunch to smoke a cigarette.

-Weirdest non-drug induced flashback moment: That opening American Idol number to "Reelin' in the Years" and The Brady Bunch number "Sunshine Day" - freakishly similar choreography...or is it JUST ME?

Run for your Life

My Ipod is about as schizo as it gets. Sharing the same drive space you'll find Ray Charles, Eminem, and Springsteen right next to Whitney, Madonna and Elton.

But my heart just belongs to those sugary ballads. I admit it. Even better when they're the 'rock' power ballads.

This has not changed much since I was aching over unrequited love in high school to "Every Rose Has its Thorn". This song is sooooooo true, adolescent me would lament, pre-blog (hell, pre-computer) days, in my diary.

What's even more embarrassing is that when running at the gym, I sometimes listen to these songs, too. Sure, I also load up with a fair amount of Big Beat driven cheese (who DOESN'T embrace a little Britney when trying to kick it up 'hills' on the treadmill), but while the hot dude next to me has likely got a little Kanye in his ear, it's just as likely I am running full steam to some ridiculously sad song...aching over unrequited love (well, that and my knees...running is hard.).

And now those damn American Idol jerks have chosen to not make my latest inspiration for dorkiness, David Cook's oh-so-romantic reinvention of Neil Diamond's song, All I Really Need is You, available for purchase on Itunes...unless you want the VIDEO.

I am a loser, but not THAT bad.

So now I'm stuck, tethered to YouTube to listen to this song, until someone comes to their senses. C'mon, Itunes + American Idol co-marketers, I need me some David Cook to cool down to!

Please add my song. There are miles of schmaltz to go before I sleep.

Pride and Prejudice

When I saw that Neil Diamond was going to be on American Idol, I had to call my dad.

"Do you watch American Idol?" I asked.

"I don't watch those types of shows," he replied with, dare I say, contempt?

"What type of shows?"

"REALITY shows," he said, same revulsion in his voice.

"Have you ever seen it?"

"No." he said...quietly.

And so herein lies the struggle of reality shows...there are sooooo many stupid So You Wanna Be My Baby Daddy's Dance Partner-type shows that it ruins it for the good ones.

And it scares people like my Dad from watching a show I just know he would really LOVE.

Well, he would love it when they do Neil Diamond or Andrew Lloyd Webber songs. Any type of serious rock, well, he thinks it's called Rap and he calls it "garbage".

Anyhoo, I'm not sure if he watched, but most of it was right up his alley. Unfortunately, adding fuel to the fire that reality shows are wacky...Paula Abdul went a little haywire and somehow offered up a critique of a contestant before he actually performed. That was uncomfortable...or prophetic, depending on your point of view. The negative feedback she gave Jason Castro (albeit before he sang his song) was spot on.



American Idol Live TV Car Crash Moment: 1 Credibility: 0

Well, maybe my dad is right. Maybe I SHOULD stop watching reality shows.

And besides, if I want to see premonitions...I can start watching Medium.

Cry Me a River...of Dreams

*SPOILERS*

Ok, so I've been sort of a fair-weather American Idol fan up to now.

Each week, I've basically been just watching elimination night for the most part, forwarding through just to see the recaps + the see-ya-later video, but Wednesday night was a wake up call.

Live TV is totally awesome.

Finding out in a recap that my favorite, Brooke White, choked up and had to re-start on Tuesday's show is just not as impactful as watching it live. And, yes, yes, even though seeing it in recap form still made me tense up and get teary eyed like some 16 year old dork who thinks she failed her chemistry final (flashback! flashback!), I kinda wished I hadn't cheated and skipped ahead.

Annnyway, Brooke slid through, and I think it's because America is clearly falling for the same my-god-this-sweet-and-innocent-thing-must-be-an-act-but-oh-my-god-she-actually-IS-this-genuine thing that, if it really IS fake, has got me hook, line, and singer.

Er, I mean sinker.

And no offense, CARLY, I know you had to take the fall this week, but I'm not really going to miss your is-it-Irish?-is-it-Fargo?-accented singing.

A Moment Like This

*Spoilers*

Damn you American Idol! You are costing me money AND turning me into a blubbering idiot.

When American Idol announced that people could download performances on Itunes, I thought, "What idiot would do that when you can watch it on the internet for free?" Um, apparently, this one. When David Archuleta performed "Imagine", not only did I buy it for my Ipod but I am completely horrified that I like this dorky kid that seems more destined for Disney than rock star greatness. Who AM I?

But what can you expect from someone who actually owns MORE THAN ONE Vonda Shephard CD.

Now, if that little young thing David made me misty, well then seeing Alaina Whitaker get kicked off turned the waterworks full throttle. See, if you don't watch AI, they kick you off, then cruelly make "new loser you" sing. And you think to yourself, "how do they do this? How come they don't like throw up?" but they always bust it out.

Instead, Alaina did what I would do - froze up, then burst into tears and declared "I can't sing!" And those producers milked that moment perfectly, cutting to every teary-eyed person in the room. Cue the Paula pep talk, more tears, and then the non-loser girls gathered round to help her out and she, of course, in live-tv-gold fashion, sang her little heart out.

Which is why Alaina Whitaker is was on American Idol...and I am not.

PS. On a lighter note, Simon quote of the week: "Last week was boring. This week was awkward and ordinary". I will surely be stealing this to describe future bad dates.

Can't Help Falling in Love

I wanted to send you all a snarky recap of the American Idol results show, but let's be honest: I fast forwarded to see who got voted off and the subsequent sappy going home video.

It's when that video came on that the trouble started.

You see, I am what you might call a music marketer's dream. You can pretty much put any angsty TV couple or general TV tale of woe to music and I am going to find that song and buy it on Itunes within 30 minutes...as in faster than the delivery time of Domino's Pizza.

(Ok, even I don't really eat Domino's Pizza, but you get the gist:
Heart-on-her-sleeve sap + music montages on TV=BIG BUCKS for Itunes)


Ross and Rachel do it at the museum!
Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

Click.








Izzy's fiancé dies/Will Meredith choose Derek or Finn?
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

Click.





Joanie freaking marries Chachi.
Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis;
Memories by...well duh, still Elvis

Click.
Click.



And so I'm sorry. No snark. No recap. I'm busy re-watching the going home montage...which is set to Best Days by Graham Colton.

Click.

Who's Watching the Kids?

Ok, I promise I won't rant about this every time I talk about American Idol but I have, like, a full time job and FIVE hours a week for one show? That sure is A LOT to ask for a show that in no way shape or form includes George Clooney.

I'm just sayin'...how do you people find the time?

Ok, on with the show. Girls Night.

I still think that nanny, Brooke White, is going far in this competition. She elicited the biggest response from ME, anyway, and it's mainly because when I look at her I can't help but think all of these things...in no particular order:
-She (or at least her hair) looks suspiciously like the model that's on the box of some crimping/curling iron thing I used to do my hair for my semi-formal in 1987.
-She is going to milk this "I'm an innocent nanny" thing [not so hidden subtext: I'll turn naughty for you] for as long as she can.
-Are the twins she's supposed to be nannying in day care now?
-Is nannying a word?
-Will Ethan Hawke and Jude Law vote for her?

Other random thoughts:

Isn't Alaina Whitaker & Carrie Underwood the same person?





Though I liked her initially, based on Wednesday's performance, that girl (Kristy Lee Cook) that sold her horse to get to Hollywood might need it to get home.

Oh well. Giddyup! It's Thursday and time for LOST.

Boys Will Be Boys

I'm trying to get into American Idol this season. Really, I am. Unfortunately, my commitment tends to mimic my gym-going habits: I start out strong, but eventually my attention wanes and I blow it off. This freaking thing is on THREE times this week? I promise you that's more times then I will do cardio. So, I guess the moral to the story is...ok there is no moral, but a few months from now I'll be fat with no new music.

Anyhoo, I'm giving it a shot, and I watched the boy's (men's?) night on Tuesday where they sang 60's songs. I thought mostly it was filled with a bunch of Tiger Beat-ish boys that I guess could steal Clay Aiken's fans, but very few I could get excited about. Mostly because I am over 18.

But, speaking of age, American Idol is totally having an identity crisis. Admittedly, I haven't paid attention to A.I. in a long time, but besides the preponderance of (seemingly) prepubescent youth, there were TWO guys that said they were 29. When did they raise the age limit? And isn't it sort of horrifying to be 29 and participating in a group called the Top 12 Boys? [By the way, I'm talkin' to YOU, New Kids on the Block reunion.]

Now, it wasn't all bad. On the opposite spectrum from the pre-teen hearthrobs, I thought Luke-the-carpet-cleaner-guy (totally his name going forward) was very hot even though he looked like he just came from work...at his carpet cleaning job. At what point in this competition do these kids get a stylist?







Also, kinda into the future-Bret-Michaels guy (as he will forevermore be referred to by me), Robbie Carrico.

Other thoughts? I can only hope that the voters will get rid of that Jason Yeager kid immediately for ruining Moon River for me forever. That song should stay immortalized the way it's supposed to.

No, NOT as the theme song from Breakfast at Tiffany's. For me, it's the "Big is leaving New York" song from Sex and the City.

It's my blog and I'll write that if I want to...

Idol Chatter

It's not really even fair that I'm writing about American Idol. I've never watched consistently, EXCEPT during the Clay Aiken season where I actually voted (alot) for some hairdresser from Connecticut. (Speaking of which, oh dear Julia DeMato. Where did it all go wrong? Your Wikipedia profile has relegated you to a sadly cliche 'where are they now?' scrap heap.)

I do love that this aforementioned bio describes Julia as an "American professional cosmetologist and singer". I'm pretty sure anytime someone has to insert the word "professional" before your job title, you're um...not. Even if you are, in fact, American.

Regardless, since the Clay vs. Ruben year, I haven't really paid attention.

It's not that I haven't followed what's been going on. The fall and rise of Jennifer Hudson was a great human interest story. It's pretty cool that she won the Oscar and that she's going to ruin be in the Sex and the City movie. Sanjaya's hair is apparently worth mentioning.

But I'm just not a die-hard. (Not like a certain well-known tv personality who once upon a time sent me on a very Devil Wears Prada-esque errand to hunt him down a copy of an Idol episode before he got on a flight...but I digress.) And it's not that I don't understand the phenomenon...I just can't commit so many hours to ONE show!

Again this week, perhaps a parallel to my dating life. Damn Valentine's Day Hallmark commercials got me crazy. Focus, Krista. Focus!

That long ass preamble aside, I've checked out some of the early auditions, and I'll say this: I'm no music exec, but they made a big mistake sending home Angela Martin. Besides the easy part - girl can sing - the story sells itself! Pregnant in high school, now her kid is sick, and a new development after her first audition...her father just died. Hello? America loves a good sob story. What were they thinking?

Plus, I thought the holidays were over, but apparently not, so let me sing it for you: You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch...

The Talent Show

So, even though The View claims ratings are higher now than when Rosie was around, I'm a little suspicious. Lately they've had a whole lotta days "filled with hot topics". As in, NO guests. Isn't that cute? All the gals are just gonna coffee tawk it up.

Oh really?

Seems more likely to me that the ole talent bookers are having a problem booking guests. You be the judge. Just one day after a day of hot topics, the guests booked on The View were John Larroquette and Blake Lewis. Now, I realize Larroquette's on the kinda-popular Boston Legal (though he'll always be the Night Court guy to me) and Blake Lewis is (apparently) some beat-boxing American Idol dude but I'm just saying I don't think either is bumping Britney off the front page.

Am I wrong?

Speaking of American Idol, I'm toying with committing to watching it this season. I haven't watched religiously since the Clay Aiken years. It's just so much WORK. I only caught the 2nd half of Tuesday's Philadelphia auditions, but let me just say this: when Idol's good it's very very good - that girl that sold her horse to get to auditions is totally going all the way! And that nanny who sounds like Jewel and who's never been to an R movie? She's an early contender.

But when Idol is bad....it's just bad. Do people really REALLY like those bad auditions? Don't waste my time FOX. I don't want to hear the crazy rants of a Star Trek clad girl or watch some fat dude get waxed.

Please AI, just stick to the talented singers with the inspiring backstories. Bonus points if the contestant is poor, a struggling parent, or otherwise in need of a life makeover.

Finally, the talent pool over at Rock of Love Season 2 is feeling a little shallow. The premise, if you haven't heard by now, is to find a mate for Poison's Bret Michaels. Now, I never got a chance to catch much of Season 1 so this was a little new for me. I even admit I kind of enjoyed its unadulterated crazy (Oh sure, judge me. You know you'll be settling into a marathon by season's end). My only complaint is that some of that cast is beat. They can't find hotter girls for that stripper pole?

I guess I shouldn't be so judgmental about the way these girls look. After all, it ain't nothin' but a good time.