Old Dogs, New Tricks

If you are not too busy trying to figure out what the heck Facebook has done to your status updates, or trying to Google what Google + is, there's lots to watch around the dial tonight. Buckle up.

The X Factor
Now's your chance to see Simon and Paula reunite, and maybe see the next Susan Boyle, if that's your bag. It's different from American Idol in that...um...well the judges advertise sell their soul to drink Pepsi, not Coke.

Up All Night
This actually premiered last week, and the laffer about 2 new parents is pretty spot on. Throw in Maya Rudolph as an Oprah-ish boss, and you tv peeps especially will get a kick out of it. But fear not, Christina Applegate fans. If this tanks, Applegate seems to get a new sitcom every few years (Ok, I just IMDB'd her to verify this fact and she is also credited on...a pregnant pole dancing dvd. Research AND range, folks!).

Free Agents
Also premiered last week. Not gonna lie, this wasn't Hank Azaria's best work, but he sat next to me and my friends at dinner once and was very nice to us. Actually, my issue with the first episode was that gal he is supposed to be chasing on the show. Maybe they should've brought in someone...more out of his league? Not quite buying what she's selling. Still, I am on TEAM HANK and sticking with this show. But, if you don't want to watch, don't feel bad...those Simpsons residuals will probably pay his mortgage for awhile.

Revenge
I won't be watching this one, mostly because that girl that stars in it was annoying as all get out when I used to watch her on Brothers and Sisters. However, ABC obviously thinks it's got a shot since they are advertising it every other second. You'll have to judge for yourself.

Last but not least....

Modern Family
It's back! This for me is mostly a sure thing, though I'm a little worried they are busting out the one hour big family vaca AGAIN.

If it turns into A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE, I'm outta here.

It's How You Play the Game

I guess it takes the Emmy's/the promise of a new TV season/and a little time off to dust off the blog and say "what up" to you, my old Is-It-Just-Me?-TV-ers.

Did you watch the Emmy's last night? I did, and if I was grading it by my elementary school report card standards, I would give it somewhere between a "Satisfactory" and "Needs Improvement" (though even the "Talks too much in class" note that I often received seems fitting here).

But, I like to be Pollyanna Positive when I can, so we'll start out with the good...working our way down to the bad, lest you worry no snark will appear here.

The (Pretty) Good  I must confess, I have never seen Glee.  Well, I mean, I've SEEN it, like clips and such, but no, sorry, I have not jumped on the sing-a-long bandwagon.  However, I thought Jane Lynch kept it all moving along and she had the right amount of wink-wink sarcasm for me.

"I'll have what she's having" award goes to Sofia Vergara.  I could not feel more genetically inferior. And of course they paired her with Rob Lowe, just to remind us all that we are mere mortals. No amount of Spanx/push ups/botox/80 hours on the Stairmaster could ever make us worthy of their company.

The Bad I love a good water cooler moment, really, I do.  So, whatever my feelings for Charlie Sheen's Insanity tour, I was thinking something really fun was going to happen - maybe a dream sequence for 2 and 1/2 Men that revealed all this crazy was imagined? Ashton Kutcher doing a mock Punk'd segment?  Nope, Charlie just came on out and apologized, the audience's nervous light applause underscoring that we were all waiting for the punchline.

Still waiting.

The Ugly I am a huge Modern Family fan, but dear God Julie Bowen, what was with that Ally McBeal look?  Get that gal a sandwich, with a side of extra carbs, stat!

Survival of the Fittest

We're almost half way there, people! Super premiere week rolls on and we have our very first ousted dancer on Dancing with the Stars.

*Spoilers*

Much to my chagrin, it was not "When a Man Loves a Woman" crooner/Nicolette Sheridan lover Michael Bolton that went home, but instead, they hassled the Hoff! That's right, David Hasselhoff, beloved Knight Rider rider/Baywatcher/German pop star David Hasselhoff was sent home. A travesty of justice, voters!

You must be the same people that kept Kate Gosselin around longer than Shannen Doherty. Shame on you.

Movin' on.

Tonight, ABC's "Modern Family" is back and I couldn't be more excited. But before that, "Better with You" premieres and I'm cautiously optimistic. The reviews have been sort of meh, but then again all the critics lovvvvvvved Lone Star and the headline in my inbox this morning said it might be canceled after one episode.

Clearly, no one knows anything.

Anyhoo, "Better With You" follows three couples in different love stages: newly engaged after a few weeks, dating for 9 years, and married for 35 years. Sure, the premise could get old (how many living together/Goldie Hawn + Kurt Russell jokes can they make? And they can't even dive into Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins territory anymore!) but I'm a sucker for comedy so I'm willing to check it out.

Also tonight is NBC's premiere of the new J.J. Abrams spy drama, "Undercovers" Not sure if I'm still bitter at J.J. for "Lost" or feeling oversaturated on the spy front, but this show looks kind of lame to me. So it'll probably be a smash hit.

"The Whole Truth" is yet ANOTHER courtroom drama on ABC, this time promising to show both sides of the case to 'keep you guessing' about the outcome. Didn't we kinda do that on "The Practice" like 10 years ago? Anyway, it's got Maura Tierney and Rob Morrow, so there's that.

Last but not least, Survivor actually started last week, but if you want to see Nicaragua, a whole lot of trailer park trash and random contestant, ex-coach Jimmy Johnson compete for a million bucks, set the DVR to CBS.

Who will YOU be voting off tonight?

The Gold Standard

I mean, I knew it was going to be a good night when the opening Emmy number was set to Bruce Springsteen and included Jon Hamm. That and knowing George Clooney was going to be receiving the Humanitarian award? About as mysterious an outcome for me as when I order up some nachos at the local pub: pure joy!

Duh.

GOOD Everyone's been talking about how good the opening number was and I'm no exception. Besides what I've already mentioned, let's not leave out that Betty White never gets old (figuratively and literally). I even have to admit that I liked the Kate Gosselin moment where she disses herself, though it was slightly marred by the fact that girl looks a little plastic surgeried up to me. Had to rewind for a sec after a "Who is that?" moment. Seriously, Kate, it's time to go away and design baby strollers or something. Step. Away. From. The. Camera.


BETTER Ok, fine, it's no secret I'll pretty much like anything with George Clooney in it, but his inclusion in the "How can we make Modern Family better" bit was priceless.

BTW, when I tried to find a picture for this, I Googled "george clooney emmy modern family". Why is the picture that comes up first the girl who plays Kayla on Days of Our Lives? Someone should start a website of "Weird S&*T that turns up on Google searches".

Hmm, maybe I just did.

BEST And of course, speaking of Modern Family...Eric Stonestreet getting the Emmy was not just good because he is so freaking hilarious as Cameron on that show, but for me, way beyond all the quippy banter and skits, I am tuned in for the good acceptance speeches. Not the over-rehearsed-in-front-of-the-mirror ones (I'm talking to you Kyra Sedgwick) but the really awesome, heartfelt-make-you-cry ones, and Eric's speech fit the bill. Plus, bringing his mama as his date and giving his award to his parents as a show of his appreciation?

I'd like him to be a part of my modern family.

Grey Area

*Spoilers Galore!*

When I settled in to watch the LOST finale, I knew I was probably in for some disappointment. I have been lamenting the general lost art of the finale all week, and was actually pleasantly surprised when I tuned in to watch the Grey's Anatomy season ender the other night. With Grey's I got 2 hours of heart-stopping, Dallas-style shoot 'em up drama.

Well, I was psyched to have a series deliver the goods...until Grey's decided to wrap it all up in neat little bow with no cliffhangers to mess with my summer. And so I whined about that. Careful what you wish for...I could use a bow or too from Lost.

But, enough about Grey's. You don't care about that. When you get to the office, no one's going to be talking about McDreamy. Instead, I see a serious backlash comin' at those producers with more fervor than that smoke monster.

Don't get me wrong. I love when finales piss people off. I defended The Soprano's for weeks. Seinfeld...years. But this lame ass ending?

Not so much.

It's not like I'm asking them to have installed Bob Newhart in the pulpit. But honestly, the only real Purgatory is that I wasted 6 years on this crap.

I wasn't expecting lots of answers. But how about...some? Any? So many questions...like....what happened to Jack's other wife - was she too busy with her "Modern Family"? Why did Ben go from creepiest bully EVER to biggest wuss this season? Why did I just sit through more commercials than content?

Also, I'm no churchie, but how come the killers (Kate, Sawyer, Sayid....) get to go to heaven?

Well, lots of people are embracing all this Heavenly Light mumbo jumbo. Good for them. As for me?

I'm still wondering why it was NOT PENNY'S BOAT. Maybe I'll find out in another life, brotha.