Grey Area

*Spoilers Galore!*

When I settled in to watch the LOST finale, I knew I was probably in for some disappointment. I have been lamenting the general lost art of the finale all week, and was actually pleasantly surprised when I tuned in to watch the Grey's Anatomy season ender the other night. With Grey's I got 2 hours of heart-stopping, Dallas-style shoot 'em up drama.

Well, I was psyched to have a series deliver the goods...until Grey's decided to wrap it all up in neat little bow with no cliffhangers to mess with my summer. And so I whined about that. Careful what you wish for...I could use a bow or too from Lost.

But, enough about Grey's. You don't care about that. When you get to the office, no one's going to be talking about McDreamy. Instead, I see a serious backlash comin' at those producers with more fervor than that smoke monster.

Don't get me wrong. I love when finales piss people off. I defended The Soprano's for weeks. Seinfeld...years. But this lame ass ending?

Not so much.

It's not like I'm asking them to have installed Bob Newhart in the pulpit. But honestly, the only real Purgatory is that I wasted 6 years on this crap.

I wasn't expecting lots of answers. But how about...some? Any? So many questions...like....what happened to Jack's other wife - was she too busy with her "Modern Family"? Why did Ben go from creepiest bully EVER to biggest wuss this season? Why did I just sit through more commercials than content?

Also, I'm no churchie, but how come the killers (Kate, Sawyer, Sayid....) get to go to heaven?

Well, lots of people are embracing all this Heavenly Light mumbo jumbo. Good for them. As for me?

I'm still wondering why it was NOT PENNY'S BOAT. Maybe I'll find out in another life, brotha.

Back to the Future

So, a lot of you have opinions about who should end up on Scott Baio's new show. Since the series has an eye toward reviving the careers of former teen idols, I've got a few casting suggestions, VH1...with a little help from my friends:

Christopher Atkins: These days he supposedly owns an outdoor sports company and also has patented his own fishing lure. That's a long way from the Lagoon. Surely you can reel him in.






Ralph Macchio: The Karate Kid seems to get a kick out of poking fun at himself. Or, if he won't do it, why not call up Billy Zabka? Best remembered as Johnny, the bully who tried to "Sweep The Leg", recently he's been taking a shot at stretching out his Karate Kid success.
I'm guessing he's available.


Jason Cerbone: Once the enormously popular but ill-fated Jackie Aprile, Jr. on The Sopranos, he is now, according to IMDB, about to star in...Mafioso II. The cast also includes (STILL ALIVE!) Abe Vigoda, Angie Everhart, and Justin Guarini.

I. Cannot. Make. This. Stuff. Up.

Please, VH1, help him. He needs the kind of hit that doesn't involve the mafia.

Pushing the (possibly only) Envelope

Is it wrong that I loved almost every second of the S.A.G. Awards? Is it because I haven't seen an awards show in awhile or was it really good?

Feel free to weigh in. Maybe it's because I agreed with (almost) every award. I knew it was going to be good when they started off by getting it right and giving the Sopranos the recognition they deserved.

I was so giddy from the speeches and all I decided to give out some awards of my own...

Missed opportunity of the night award: Alec Baldwin won for 30 Rock, but was MIA, so we didn't get to see him accept his richly deserved recognition by his peers and give (what I'm sure would've been) a great speech.

Which of course gave way to the...

Fakest smile of the night award: Jeremy Piven, who, right after LOSING to MIA Alec Baldwin, flashed those pearly whites only AFTER he realized the camera was on him.

Guy who made the girls (or at least, this one) swoon award : Javier Bardem, who for some reason can pull off that open shirt thing without looking cheesy. His genuine speech just made him hotter.

"I am definitely the only person on the planet who noticed this" award: THAT goes to me, for noticing that the very first clip in the Charles Durning Lifetime Achievement Award montage was from giant 1983 flop Twist of Fate, the ill-conceived John Travolta/Olivia Newton-John post-Grease re-pairing. Seriously? That's your choice to kick off the showcase of this talented actor's body of work, editor-person? Not Dog Day Afternoon? Not The Sting? Um, o.k., Twist of Fate. Whatever.

Speaking of Charles Durning...The "It's never too late to get it right, so get off your ass " Inspiration Award: It's a tie between both of these gentlemen who appeared at the awards:
1. Charles Durning - who didn't appear on screen till he was FORTY!
2. Mickey Rooney - who was married SEVEN times before meeting his current (and eighth) wife...who he's been married to for THIRTY years!

The "sure wish we'd submitted a different clip" award: people from Weeds, whose clip included Mary-Kate Olsen, less than a week after her name was splashed all over the headlines in connection with Heath Ledger's death.

And while we're on THAT subject...the "I guess we're not going to bother to re-edit the dead people montage in any respectful way and instead we're just gonna shove the Heath Ledger clip with no audio at the end after the fade to black when the music has stopped and the audience is wondering 'where's the Heath Ledger clip?' " award: editor-person that edited this montage...perhaps it's the same genius that cut together the Charles Durning piece? At least Daniel Day-Lewis paid tribute to Heath in his speech in a respectful way...even though I hate myself a little for letting the teeny-tiny cynic in my soul wonder a little bit if this was fake, especially since Daniel also talked about Heath on Oprah...and has said he didn't know him.

As Tom Cruise presented the last award of the evening, I longed for the days when I thought he was a hot movie star and not a crazy alien. I wonder if I will ever again be able to see him as anything other than a punchline.

Not to be, ya know, glib.

The '007 Trifecta

So I wanna fit in here in my inaugural year in blogger-ville, and everyone who is anyone ends the year with their faves list. I had to think about this. What were my favorite tv moments of 2007? What were those moments that made me go...did that really just happen?

Yes, these are the winners of the Watercooler Awards...or, to put it in a less politically correct way, I present to you, the WTF? Moments in Television of 2007.

**(And yes, these have spoilers, but if you haven't seen this by now you're never gonna!)**

#3 Flash Forward to Kate and Jack getting off the Island

Yes, Lost got off track, and even I admit that as next season looms, I've forgotten alot of the juicy details that I probably should be keeping track of to figure out this whole thing. But, one thing's for sure, I'm totally coming back to watch. We now know that Jack and Kate got off the island, but at whose expense? That's good stuff.


#2 Jack helps Tracy with therapy

Alec Baldwin as Jack 'role playing' the members of Tracy's family is everything I love about 30 Rock and more. Admit it, you watched and felt a little uncomfortable. Is he REALLY saying these things? This show gives me hope that the sitcom genre is not dead, just...better.


#1 The Sopranos Don't Stop Believin'

This finale of the Sopranos was one of the most brilliant endings in history. Didn't you yell at the holder of the remote in your house? What did you doooooo? Did the power go out? Love it or hate it, people are STILL talking about this...and that means great TV.


And don't worry, we've got plenty to look forward to in January of 2008 alone. Lost returns (I haven't missed castaways this much since Gilligan's Island went off the air). Celebrities go toe to toe on The Apprentice. I'm sorry, I meant "celebrities". And BOTH Sex and the City wannabe's, Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle are coming.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Don't Stop Believin'

*Do I really need to warn about spoilers at this point???*

Yes, I too thought the cable had gone wacky at the end of the Sopranos. After contemplation I think the open ended finale is brilliant, though unecessary to chop it off abruptly so that people spend more time rewinding Tivo than trying to 'figure out' the end.

Anyway, there's nothing to figure out. Back in season one, an episode was titled "Nobody Knows Anything", and that applies here. Maybe a more appropriate Journey song would be "Any Way You Want It". The truth is, we don't know. The brilliance of David Chase is, just like life, he doesn't tie things up in a neat little bow. And, let's face it, people are angry. People are talking. And that's what a great ending does.

But in the end this show has always been about the ironic dichotomy of Tony's two lives: the edge of your seat gangster and the everyday trivialities (with its associated annoyances) of family life. And we assume this uneasy coexistence continues long after the camera cuts, and the 'family' goes on. Tony Soprano is forever trapped in between worlds. Turns out LOST hasn't cornered the market on Purgatory. In the words of Tony Soprano:

"Cause, once you're into this family, there's no getting out."