Death Warmed Over

Bruce Springsteen once sang "57 Channels (And Nothin' On)". Well, it's all blizzardy and I just wanna sit around and watch TV and there ain't nothin' on.

And I know I should be gettin' my democracy on and watching something all Inauguration-ish, but...well, the cool stuff was on HBO and dang it I'm poor. Those big fancy cable channels aren't in the budget these days, so I had to settle for bad Youtube video of all the cool music performances that I missed yesterday.

And so today, I spent time clearing out the DVR and had the audacity of hope that I'd find something inspiring to watch.

Instead, a whole lotta dead people turned up:

The Good Is anyone still watching Desperate Housewives? Because even though the whole flashback/flash forward thing they've added isn't exactly ground breaking, it's made the show pretty fun to watch again. Sunday night's episode included flashbacks of both narrator Mary Alice and Bree's dearly departed husband Rex (Did she kill him? Did he have a heart attack? Who can remember?...) and seeing them pop up again was a good way to spice things up.

The Bad I don't know what to do. I was all on Team ER until this year, and now I have a backlog of episodes clogging up my DVR and I just don't know if I can do it. They lost me when they didn't make better use of Mark Green's comeback. Or flashback.

Whatever.

But, speaking of hospital shows and dead people, how much longer is Denny going to roam around Seattle Grace on Grey's Anatomy? Enough already! Well,things over at Grey's aren't completely critical; Eric Stolz as a serial killer IS kind of awesome...but, let's be honest, he doesn't look to be surviving past next week.

The Ugly Don't ask me why I am still hanging in on Confessions of a Teen Idol. Man oh man, has Scott Baio looked at himself on a monitor? Shave, dude. Or at least shower! He is looking chewed up and spit out, weird that he'd not take better control of his image if he is exec producing the show.

Ok, technically, nothing dead on THIS show, unless you count the careers of the people on it.

Hey, speaking of things that are dead, I sure wish they'd bring back Lipstick Jungle for another season. My DVR keeps picking up episodes of this overlooked show and it was actually pretty good.

I mean, if they can revive failed, 10 year old show CUPID, then surely Lipstick Jungle still has a prayer?

More about that soon...

No Longer In Fashion

Even with all its gloss, NBC has pulled the plug on Lipstick Jungle.

Some thoughts as NBC says auf wiedersehen to the Jungle so they can focus on reviving dead guys on ER from like 5 seasons ago instead of investing in decent new shows:

I'm going to miss living vicariously through these chicks with the fake sounding names (Victory Ford? Really?) who conquered NYC with their power jobs and still seemed to have time for 3 martini lunches like every day. Wouldn't it be cool to have their jobs?

I'm going to miss obsessing over Andrew McCarthy's face. I still can't figure out what's different about it from his St. Elmo's days and was looking forward to finally figuring it out.

But mostly, I'm going to miss seeing Brooke Shields. I've always been rooting for Brooke, even if she did chuck her feud with Tommy Cruise to attend his alien wedding.

I know Brooke will be ok though. This girl has staying power.

But, please, oh please, do NOT let her and her Calvins become Suddenly...Susan.

Welcome back to the Jungle!

So I got a sneak peak at the season 2 premiere of Lipstick Jungle today (coming to NBC on Sept 24th at 10p). I am happy to report, these gals have come a long way, baby!

Now, I know you have a lot of big decisions to make in the next few weeks. So many choices - how will you decide what to add to your DVR list?

I'm here to help you make an informed decision, so here's the skinny (since no fat is allowed in these glamour gals' lives) on Lipstick Jungle:

The Good Kim Raver plays the best "laughter through tears" scenes you'll see in awhile (Yes I am quoting Dolly Parton from Steel Magnolias here. I've been waiting for an opportunity to do that since it came out in 1989.). I'm not going to ruin it for you, but you're going to want to see what happens next. Let's just hope it involves more of that guy she had an affair with last season, even if the writers did unwisely decide to name him Kirby. I'm sorry, I will make an exception for the Emilio Estevez character in St. Elmo's Fire, but in general, only cute puppies should be named Kirby. Period.

The Bad While I am actually LOVING the casting of Rosie Perez as Victory Ford's (Lindsay Price) publicist, why does she have to have one of those fake TV jobs? She is Victory's publicist, but she is also talking to real estate agents to try and find new space for Victory's store?? Um, I don't think so. Jobs on TV are never accurate. Remember when Billy Campbell on Melrose Place was like an account guy but also somehow wrote copy? Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, I hate that!

The Could Be Ugly I'm not sure yet about Mary Tyler Moore as Brooke Shield's mom. I wanna love her, because...well, she's Mary-Freaking-Tyler-Moore...but she might fall into the cliché category. Too soon to tell.

Overall, it was good though. But please, bring back Lorraine Bracco! She was the best bitch EVER last season. That would guarantee this show on the must-see-tv list for sure.

Jungle Boogie

Last week, when Lipstick Jungle premiered I definitely thought it was D.O.A., but last night's episode surprised me. While I'm not exactly upgrading this show to Season Pass status, I'm going to hang in and give it a chance.

My thoughts on the episode:

First, THE GOOD:
The addition of Lorraine Bracco as Brooke Shield's adversary was a great call. I loved her nastiness. The icy condescension that oozed from her lips everytime she called Brooke's character "hun" was a testament to Lorraine's genius as an actress. And when she told Brooke "You must have me confused with your shrink"...well now THAT's a testament to the writers. I can't wait to see what's next for Lorraine's character...though I do wish she didn't look like she'd jumped into some speed-up-the-aging time machine and a little bit like Kirstie Alley's long lost sister.

Now, THE BAD:
This episode opened with a fax machine spitting out box office numbers. I know, this is supposed to telegraph for me, as a viewer, that Brooke Shields's character Wendy is a busy executive that works all the time, even when she's home. Sure she does. And that's why those numbers would be emailed to her Blackberry. The last time I recall a fax machine delivering significant plot-hinging info was in [pre-crazy Tom Cruise's] The Firm....in 1993.

Welcome to the new Millennium, Lipstick Jungle!

...and THE UGLY
Seriously, what is going on with Brooke Shields?! They have made her look so bad on this show it's embarrassing. And not in a deliberate "This-character-is-going-through-a-hard-time-so-we're-going-to-make-her-look-fake-haggard" kind of way. No, this is in a "Fire Your Makeup Artist" (and while you're at it, the Lighting person, too) kind of way.
Damn, if they can't make freakin' BROOKE SHIELDS look good, well, let's just say I would run for the hills if I ever saw Lipstick Jungle cameras comin' my way!








Oh, and THE RANDOM
The storyline about Victory Ford's (Lindsay Price) quest for an old hat was stupid, BUT I am starting to catch a teeny weeny fever for an Andrew McCarthy comeback.

What about Prom, Blaine?!!!!

Judging a Book by its Cover

When word first spread that both Lipstick Jungle AND Cashmere Mafia were to premiere this season, the media was abuzz with Sex and the City comparisons. But it also set off a tsunami of shameless gossip that it was war between Candace Bushnell and Darren Star.

All was well when they were both making Sex: Candace was the writer of the book Sex and the City was based on; Darren was the executive producer of this and many other soap-sational series. We all loved Sex and the City. Plenty of glory for everybody. But now on opposite sides, we were all left to wonder....was there still enough love to go around?

Going into this, I thought Lipstick might have the edge. With Candace attached, it certainly looked good on paper. Brooke Shields is a big name. How could it go wrong?

But boy was I wrong. Back in August, I became concerned on this here blog that in the promos of Lipstick, the characters were made up to look like dowdy caricatures. That was just the tip of the iceberg.

And when I say iceberg, I mean, as in...up ahead.

You see, I don't mind if my shows are realistic, for the most part. I even enjoy a little fluff and fantasy. Even when people were bitching about Sarah Jessica Parker's over the top outfits on Sex and the City, I was the girl running out to buy a (ridiculously oversized) flower to pin to my lapel. So, over on Cashmere Mafia, the characters are super shiny and glossy and it's pure pop, but that's ok...they have costume designer legend Pat Field and it shows. That is clearly one of their aces in the hole. Not so coincidentally it was Ms. Field who put SJP in those defining outfits on SATC. And quite frankly, for an hour each week, I'll gladly escape into these rich ladies' problems and occasionally fantasize that someday I can afford a Birkin bag.

But Lipstick Jungle? It's more Maybelline than La Mer..and I mean that literally. Maybelline was a sponsor urging YOU to get "the Lipstick Jungle look".

Um, no thanks. They actually found a way to make Brooke Shields look bad. Her drab makeup made her look sadly blah, and it seemed like in every scene she was wearing the same suit I wore on my job interview at Calvin Klein nearly ten years ago. I, too, thought I looked fashionable, but whereas Banana Republic might've been the (only) choice for me on my poverty-induced budget, Brooke Shields' character is supposed to be president of a movie studio? Even her cell phone was irritating! They couldn't even get a Blackberry or Iphone? No bluetooth?

But the most egregious offense for me was the sloppy editing. Or should I blame the bad shooting? (There was a shot left in where the camera was literally shaking as what-I-can-only assume was a bus went by. Or maybe it was a fighter plane.) This was film school bad. I stopped counting all of the mistakes about 30 minutes in but some of the highlights were Andrew McCarthy laughing and then they'd cut to a close up and PRESTO-CHANGO he's suddenly serious. My favorite? In one particular scene Brooke Shields' line is dubbed in...but her lips are...not...moving! I don't want to be harsh. Maybe it wasn't dubbed. Maybe Brooke's become a ventriloquist in her spare time.

Despite the hype, neither show is really a Sex ripoff. Yes, they're all about women in NYC but honestly LOST and Gilligan's Island are both about castaways and no one is trying to shove those two shows in the same category. Now, I've had more of a chance to warm up to Cashmere Mafia since I've seen more episodes and in truth I didn't love that first one either. So, I'm going to keep watching both, but so far this ain't exactly close.

Verdict: Cashmere covers Lipstick.

The '007 Trifecta

So I wanna fit in here in my inaugural year in blogger-ville, and everyone who is anyone ends the year with their faves list. I had to think about this. What were my favorite tv moments of 2007? What were those moments that made me go...did that really just happen?

Yes, these are the winners of the Watercooler Awards...or, to put it in a less politically correct way, I present to you, the WTF? Moments in Television of 2007.

**(And yes, these have spoilers, but if you haven't seen this by now you're never gonna!)**

#3 Flash Forward to Kate and Jack getting off the Island

Yes, Lost got off track, and even I admit that as next season looms, I've forgotten alot of the juicy details that I probably should be keeping track of to figure out this whole thing. But, one thing's for sure, I'm totally coming back to watch. We now know that Jack and Kate got off the island, but at whose expense? That's good stuff.


#2 Jack helps Tracy with therapy

Alec Baldwin as Jack 'role playing' the members of Tracy's family is everything I love about 30 Rock and more. Admit it, you watched and felt a little uncomfortable. Is he REALLY saying these things? This show gives me hope that the sitcom genre is not dead, just...better.


#1 The Sopranos Don't Stop Believin'

This finale of the Sopranos was one of the most brilliant endings in history. Didn't you yell at the holder of the remote in your house? What did you doooooo? Did the power go out? Love it or hate it, people are STILL talking about this...and that means great TV.


And don't worry, we've got plenty to look forward to in January of 2008 alone. Lost returns (I haven't missed castaways this much since Gilligan's Island went off the air). Celebrities go toe to toe on The Apprentice. I'm sorry, I meant "celebrities". And BOTH Sex and the City wannabe's, Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle are coming.

Happy New Year!!!!!

McCarthyism

Andrew McCarthy is coming to TV.

Actually, turns out, he's been there for awhile. Imagine my surprise when I found out he's going to be on the upcoming "Lipstick Jungle" since I'd already seen the promo for it and didn't notice him. Has he gone the way of Jennifer Grey? Do you REMEMBER when she was on Friends as Mindy, Rachel's old friend and no one realized it was her because of that botched nose job? That's what I think might be happening with Andrew. He's been quietly on a bunch of shows and movies of the week-ish looking things over the years, apparently, and I missed them all. Hmmm. I smell a Nip/Tuck cameo, if ya know what I mean. Maybe it's just me, but that is NOT the same face of the brat pack boy I knew.

Which brings me to my next issue with the marketing of Andrew McCarthy 2.0. Whatever network exec is sending out the press release for this show is listing him as Andrew McCarthy from the "Joy Luck Club". When you think of Andrew McCarthy, do you think of the JOY LUCK CLUB???!

You might think, "His name is Blaine? That's a major appliance, not a name!"
You might think, chain smoking and breaking the shower with Ally Sheedy.
And, let's face it, you definitely think, "Weekend at Bernies".

But NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE is associating ANDREW MCCARTHY with Joy Luck Club. NO ONE I tell you!

Anyway, you be the judge. This show isn't coming out for awhile yet, but here's a peek at all-growed-up Andrew McCarthy. He's the one with that annoying girl that was married to Steve on 90210:


He did totally rock in Mannequin.

Wardrobe Malfunction

Oh dear. As if NBC doesn't have enough problems, early peeks at Lipstick Jungle's promos reveal that they are in need of a new wardrobe stylist, stat! The Sex and the City wannabe (there are so many this season) boasts Brooke Shields arguably as its biggest name. Not to discount Kim Raver from 24, or that girl (Lindsay Price) that played Steve's baby mama on 90210, but let's be honest, Brooke is a legend.

So why are they dressing her like a man...no, worse, like a woman in 1998????

Everything I've seen thus far has shown her in boxy man-suits that aren't sexy at all, but worse, these promo stills have her in [needle off the record]....LEATHER PANTS!!! This is a travesty even worse than the animal print shoes they all have on that are practically special ordered from the "slutty cliche wardrobe" section at Central Casting.

I don't mean to make it "Pick on NBC" week. After all, I think getting Jerry Seinfeld to guest star on the season premiere of 30 Rock is like, the best thing ever. Now if only I didn't have to wait till October.

Yadda yadda yadda...