You Better, You Better, You Bet

It's week 2 of the Fall premiere season. What are YOU watching?

Or are you still wading through all the new stuff on your DVR, like me?

This year, I don't think there's any new wowsers in the spirit of "Mad Men" or "Modern Family"...yet. But, here's the rundown so far, keeping in mind I've yet to watch "Chase" or "The Whole Truth". And "Running Wilde" and "Raising Hope" lost a DVR faceoff conflict so they're toast. Sorry.

LONE STAR: I really don't know why the critics went nuts over this one (and neither do you, since it tanked in the ratings). I mean, it's FINE, a decent soap opera with some sort-of-compelling plot twists. I'm not sure James Wolk really has the "It" Factor to carry the show. Sure, he's good looking, but does he come off as the charmer that could fool these two ladies?

Not to me.

And not to kick 'em with a steel-toed boot while they're down, but last night's ratings tanked again, so not even sure it's worth my time to invest in this show that is surely headed for that big cancellation cloud in the sky.

Sorry, pardner.

HAWAII FIVE O: Speaking of under-performing leading men...Alex O'Loughlin (known for "The Backup Plan") is the lead in Hawaii Five-O. Three minutes into watching last week, I almost turned it off. There hasn't been an actor this wooden since Andrew Shue on Melrose...and for some reason, that was fun. This...is not. It's like he's a poor man's Michael Vartan.

Next time just get Michael Vartan.

However....I stuck with it once I remembered Scott Caan was in this! Sure, the Lilliputian fellow has poufy, frosty hair and I'm pretty sure he was a key player in popularizing that awful trucker cap trend that was big for awhile, but I don't care! Love him!

Also, don't care that he basically plays the same wise crackin' dude in every show. He is SO watchable and fun, I'll stick with Hawaii Five O awhile longer just for him.

THE EVENT Episode 2 awaits me on my DVR, but the fact that I feel like it's homework to watch and it dropped 20% in the ratings this week....doesn't bode well for the future.

BLUE BLOODS Pros: The performances are good, even though once again Bridget Moynahan delivers every line through clenched teeth like she's still pissed off at Tom Brady. Big (ish) names Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg are good, and so is Will Estes.

Cons: My dear, dear writers, step up your craft. Episode one's plot devices were razor thin. Also, the whole bad boy cop "I break the rules" thing has been done ad nauseum, no?

Despite all this, it's worth sticking with it, especially as a nice Friday night down timer (what, you have plans???).

BETTER WITH YOU Last, but not least...if I HAD to pick a fave so far...I'm going with "Better With You". Is it Modern Family awesome? Well, no. But, it's pretty funny, the dialogue and characters are snappy and relatable. I actually watched it 2ce and found it even funnier the second time around. Sample exchange: Ben, who has been in a non-wedded relationship for 9 years, to Casey, kinda dumb guy about to marry his girlfriend's sister after 7 1/2 weeks: "It took us 7 months to decide on a coffee maker and I'm still not sure we didn't make a HUGE mistake".

Also, Jake Lacy as Casey really excels at playing the Duh-but-lovable guy in a sort of Joey-on-Friends kind of way.

I'm in!

Tonight, you can also try out "No Ordinary Family". It's about a family with superhero powers. I won't be watching, cuz, well, I"m not really into superheroes...but if you are, it's on ABC tonight.

PS. Jennifer Grey..keep those awesome Dancing with the Stars dances comin'. You are goin' all the way, Baby!!!

Survival of the Fittest

We're almost half way there, people! Super premiere week rolls on and we have our very first ousted dancer on Dancing with the Stars.

*Spoilers*

Much to my chagrin, it was not "When a Man Loves a Woman" crooner/Nicolette Sheridan lover Michael Bolton that went home, but instead, they hassled the Hoff! That's right, David Hasselhoff, beloved Knight Rider rider/Baywatcher/German pop star David Hasselhoff was sent home. A travesty of justice, voters!

You must be the same people that kept Kate Gosselin around longer than Shannen Doherty. Shame on you.

Movin' on.

Tonight, ABC's "Modern Family" is back and I couldn't be more excited. But before that, "Better with You" premieres and I'm cautiously optimistic. The reviews have been sort of meh, but then again all the critics lovvvvvvved Lone Star and the headline in my inbox this morning said it might be canceled after one episode.

Clearly, no one knows anything.

Anyhoo, "Better With You" follows three couples in different love stages: newly engaged after a few weeks, dating for 9 years, and married for 35 years. Sure, the premise could get old (how many living together/Goldie Hawn + Kurt Russell jokes can they make? And they can't even dive into Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins territory anymore!) but I'm a sucker for comedy so I'm willing to check it out.

Also tonight is NBC's premiere of the new J.J. Abrams spy drama, "Undercovers" Not sure if I'm still bitter at J.J. for "Lost" or feeling oversaturated on the spy front, but this show looks kind of lame to me. So it'll probably be a smash hit.

"The Whole Truth" is yet ANOTHER courtroom drama on ABC, this time promising to show both sides of the case to 'keep you guessing' about the outcome. Didn't we kinda do that on "The Practice" like 10 years ago? Anyway, it's got Maura Tierney and Rob Morrow, so there's that.

Last but not least, Survivor actually started last week, but if you want to see Nicaragua, a whole lot of trailer park trash and random contestant, ex-coach Jimmy Johnson compete for a million bucks, set the DVR to CBS.

Who will YOU be voting off tonight?

Oh Baby!

I feel terrible. Like a total poseur. I tell y'all to blow off Dancing with the Stars and what do I do? I watch it. Not just part of it. Not just the beginning.

Every single shiny cha cha cha.

Sure, it started out innocently enough. All the really good tv wasn't starting till 9, so why not kill an hour dancing with the stars? But smarty-pants ABC saved all the good people for 9-10, and how could I NOT watch Jennifer Grey bring back a little dirty dancing? I mean, "I've Had the Time of My Life" was my prom theme for crying out loud.

Which makes me (and Jennifer Grey) kinda old. (But no less fabulous, of course.) In case you missed it, here's the clip...and if you don't cry when you watch...well then you are made of stone!



Meanwhile, back at the, um, ranch, I have Lone Star (and all the others) still on my DVR so I can't yet weigh in, but apparently I wasn't the only one watching Baby Come Back last night because Lone Star tanked in the ratings. Always a tricky thing, being the critical darling. Oh well.



Anyhoo, some noteworthy premieres tonight: Fox has Raising Hope and Running Wilde. Raising Hope is from the makers of My Name is Earl and is about a young white trashy kid who suddenly must raise a baby with help from his white trashy family; Running Wilde stars Will Arnett as a rich guy trying to woo hippy chick Felicity Keri Russell...hijinks ensue!

For all you Gleeks and weight loss lovers, Glee and The Biggest Loser are back. Personally, I'll be cozied up to see who gets voted off DWTS. I'd just assume send Bristol Palin home, not for political reasons, mind you, but because the poor thing looked about as comfortable and coordinated as I did at my 7th grade recital. And trust me, you don't want me to dig up THAT VHS.

The curiosity factor will probably keep her around at least another week or so. Plus, the judges oddly didn't rip her to shreds as I thought they would. Can't say the same for poor, stiff, uncomfortable, dull looking Michael Bolton. You're on the chopping block, dude. Take a cue from Jennifer Grey and loosen up!

She's like the wind.

Monday Night Madness!

Wow. I went from watching Sex and the City re-runs again just to pass the time...to tonight's explosion of premieres and some super tv decisions to make. What to watch, what to watch. No doubt you are also feeling the DVR pressure. Might even be time to add another DVR.

(Or get a life.)

Anyhoo, as I was plotting my strategy on what to watch, it reminded me of an old drinking game I used to play, "Kiss, Kill, Marry". I don't remember how drinking played a part, but the concept is simple: given the names of three fictitious suitors, what would you do with each? You know, like "Kiss George Clooney, Kill Brad Pitt, Marry Jon Hamm".

Uh, or something like that.

There is so much crap premiering tonight that all I can say is, thank God I'm not a football fan, too, or I'd be really in trouble! So, since I'm not into fantasy football, let's play my little game:

KISS: The Event Yes, this looks like a keeper. Who doesn't love Blair Underwood in anything, really? But, I don't want to get too attached because it looks just like all those other high-concept shows that I get all into and the network pulls the plug around episode 7. The plot? It's about some big cover-up that even the president (Blair Underwood) didn't know about. Some regular guy who looks exactly like James Marsden (but is actually Josh Ritter) gets caught up in all of it while trying to find his missing girlfriend. Also, that chick that played Kerry Weaver on ER is a big part of it but she doesn't have any crutches.

KILL Dancing with the Stars I know, I know - I kinda wanna watch Jennifer Grey, too. Not tryin' to put Baby in a corner. But Bristol Palin? Really? How many times do you think the camera's going to cut to Mommie Dearest in the audience? I can't stomach that. Besides, you can catch the recap tomorrow instead of sitting through all 120 minutes of mush.

MARRY: Lone Star Not gonna lie, I'm really just jumping on all the other critics' bandwagons here, but I've already mentioned that this show about a guy living a double life looks pretty good to me. Plus, newcomer James Wolk has lots of potential as the next McDreamy-ish heartthrob type, and we need some more of those, no?

ON THE FENCE:

Hawaii Five-O I'll check it out because Scott Caan is hilarious. Jury's out on the guy from "The Backup Plan" (let's hope he's better in this) and, no offense to Daniel Dae Kim, but I just can't view him as anyone but Jin from Lost.

Chase If you're a Jerry Bruckheimer fan, this is for you, but I'm not overly excited, mainly because all of the marketing materials start out describing the female lead as a "cowboy-boot wearing deputy" and that sounds really lame. But, the premiere episode features Travis Fimmel, a model I worked with early in his career (name drop alert!) at Calvin Klein, and he was sweet as pie. So watch for him.

Just another manic Monday.

A Rose by any other Name

I zipped through The Bachelor last night and when I say I zipped, I mean...thank GOD for DVR...but more about that later.

This is literally like the 100th season, and I'm not sure how it's still on the air, but there are some elements that SEEM to be a constant...I believe I've identified the top 5:

5. The girl that gets smashed and makes a fool out of herself.
4. The subsequent meltdown over getting eliminated, natch.
3. The Bachelor's repeated assurances in VO that he WILL find his wife.
2. CATFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the #1 Bachelor tool? I mean device, I wasn't calling this new Bachelor guy a tool...ok, maybe I was...

1. The teaser that gives us a glimpse of a DRAMATIC accident...complete with ambulance and/or police cruisers.

How many seasons can this happen? Are we supposed to actually believe it? Desperate for ratings, I suspect a producer probably kicked one of those girls down the stairs.

Anyhoo...this season, it does seem a bit different the way these gals spend all of episode one performing nothing less than circus tricks to get the attention of the Bachelor. One girl actually showed off her WEBBED toes. I'm not sure why she did this, but they should've put THAT in the ads! Then we'd all get along..um, swimmingly.

Over on Dancing with the Stars...some shows are DESIGNED FOR DVR. This is one of them. I really just wanted to see the "Where are they now?" backstories of the contestants...and in an hour and a half they only got through half the contestants as it was only the women. I got through the whole show (thank you DVR!) in about 10 minutes. Jane Seymour signed some sort of deal with the devil to look that good at 56.

There's ANOTHER hour and a half episode tonight, but I don't think I can watch.

They didn't lure me with any ambulances....

Must See Monday

After all of these weeks of suffering, Premiere Week is finally here. Thank God. I almost had to start reading.

First up, ABC's dishing up some serious reality tv. Dancing with the Stars is on at 8pm. I just can't commit this season. Too many hours! There's the show, then the recap of the show, then the recap of the recap...my DVR just cannot accommodate it all. I mean, of course I'll peak at it. Gotta see what the latest 90210-er is up to, how Scary Spice fares...but of course the REAL reason I'll tune in a little is to see...Albert Reed.

I mean I'll tune in to see WHO Albert Reed is. Maybe the title should be "Dancing With SOME Stars".

If you're not too cha cha'd out, you can watch the 87th season of The Bachelor at 9:30pm. This season, it appears they've drafted a college dropout/bar owner as The Bachelor. Remember when they'd at least pretend to make the guy seem rich and important? Note to the producers: Bring back The Bachelorette! Your target audience is desperate single 30-something women, and they (ok, we) don't want to see some guy choose some 22-year old drunk idiot to be his "wife".

But... we totally wanna see a bunch of hot guys competing and live vicariously through the gal that gets to choose him.

Enough with the reality wasteland. Just make sure you watch "How I Met Your Mother" at 8pm on CBS. If you weren't already watching the last 2 seasons, you were missing out. It is - wait for it - awesome.