Birds Of A Feather

Oh Jake and Vienna. How you make me ashamed of myself for following your "journey".

If you, like me, stayed up last night to see Jake and Vienna try and out fame-whore each other, you felt more than a little grody this morning. I think I have a Bachelor hangover.

I mean, first we had to sit through that SNOOZE fest Bachelorette episode last night where NOTHING happened. Say what you will about Justin "Rated R", but now that he's gone, what is there to watch for?

If the trailers are right, the producers are basically saying "Sorry this is so boring, but hang tight till the episode where Ali and the boys are at the beach, because Frankie-four-eyes is gonna drop a BOMBshell that will leave Ali bawling her little doe eyes out.

(Sorry, Frank, about the four eyes comment. I have glasses like that too, but I only wear them in the privacy of my own home to like wash my face and stuff. Splurge on the thinner lenses or get Lasik or something if you're gonna go on tv. Thanks.)

I digress.

In the meantime, like other pathetic Bachelor fans, I stayed up to watch the most boring Bachelor breakup in history. I love love love Chris Harrison, but couldn't he have gotten them to spill more salacious details than...Jake doesn't like when Vienna questions his ability to give directions?

Oh, he's a man?

But seriously, if Jakey-poo was hoping to parlay Bachelor-dom into an acting career, it might be time to rethink that choice.

Well, unless he was trying to ACT like a douche. In that case, ship this boy an Academy Award immediately.

Ice, Ice Baby

Another week, another topsy turvy Bachelorette episode.

*Spoilers*

This week, Ali and the gang headed to Iceland. I am guessing the Iceland tourism board sponsored this episode...either that or every cast member suddenly developed some kind of Iceland-Tourette's. The transcript of the first few minutes went something like this: "I am excited to walk down the street IN ICELAND to fall in love with Ali IN ICELAND where surely some cool stuff will happen IN ICELAND. ICELAND, ICELAND, ICELAND. Did I mention we'll be in ICELAND?"

Um, yeah. Now, I was pretty psyched to watch this episode, especially since I'm headed to ICELAND in a few days. What a coincidink!

Luckily for me, I'll be exploring the land of volcanoes and glaciers with my boyfriend, and not those knuckleheads that Ali had to contend with.

Let's be honest, the contestant pool this season is WEAK! Now, the total New England girl in me is of course rooting for Mr. Cape Cod-Nice-Guy next bachelor Chris L. Duh. However, the producer in me loves loves loves Justin "Rated R" aka "The Wrestler". I'm sure all the blogs are right, and that he's just another fame-whorin' kinda guy...but who cares?! He is so much more fun than the rest of these snoozers!

In my house, we love watching him stir it up, and I'm sort of hoping it's not him who leaves next week in the most shocking-departure-EVER.

As for this week, as expected, wackado Kasey was eliminated after revealing his tattoo, and the producers, I imagine, were practically beside themselves to get that shot of Ali and Justin pulling away in a helicopter while Kasey was left to freeze to death on a glacier. I did cackle with delight at this, too, but no frost-bitten exit interview with Kasey???

B-b-b-bummer.

Ali Oops

*Spoilers*

I finally got around to watching Monday's Bachelorette. With each week's episodes clocking in at 2 hours, it's hard to get through it all in a timely fashion. So, it ends up on a to-do list somewhere between laundry and a mani-pedi (hey, you can't neglect your cuticles).

Anyhoo, this crap gets loonier every season, and they've got a doozy of a character this go-round. Having worked with some Bachelor producers myself, I have it on pretty good authority that all contestants have to go through a pysch consult before going on the show.

I'm pretty sure Kasey slipped through.

I'm also pretty sure the producers must be giving Ali a bonus to keep this crazy stalker around.



In case you missed it, after Ali basically told Kasey to refill his anti-pyschotic prescription slow down, he went out and got a tattoo. In her honor. Oy.

Before Ali got to see this piece of (art)work and be suitably horrified, she was pulled away, so he slips through to another week. Sadly, though, her biggest mistake wasn't keeping Kasey around.

Ali, Ali, Ali. When the producers boss you around to keep a seemingly deranged lunatic on the show so people keep tuning in, ok, you do it.

But, when they ask you to don a LEOTARD that even Heidi Klum would have trouble pulling off, one that is so unflattering it creates a fake-side-boob situation, it's time to take a stand.

I don't care if you get to be in "The Lion King". In that outfit, no one can feel the love tonight.

Blonde Ambition

Those Bachelor producers are at it again! The latest Bachelorette (no big surprise for those of us Rose followers) is Bachelor/Jake season alumni/early-leaver Ali.

Now, I was a big Ali fan on the Bachelor, too. Cutie, blondie, breezy, New England-turned-San Fran gal? What's not to like?

Well, here's the problem.

We're two episodes in, and there are some issues. Now, don't hate me for this, but...

Dear Bachelorette-stylemakers/producer-types;

Ali finally dumped the Facebook job to go on your Bachelor franchise, the main purpose of which is to get her in a hot tub on national television...I'm sorry, but she is not looking TV skinny. Hold the hate mail. I'm sure her skinny jeans are way skinnier than mine. I am NOT suggesting she is fat. Calm down.


But, you producer-types are making her look kinda, well, NOT Bachelorette-ish. If you were throwing her in some prepster J.Crew-ish dresses more often, it'd be just fine. But, you're shoving her into these awkward unflattering outfits and seem to have pasted some Brittany Spears-ish extensions into her formerly au naturel hairstyle. Or worse, her photo shoot with the boys had her rocking a bikini with...what were those, business pants? If she can't rock the full bikini, then at least throw her in a sarong!

Let's be clear - I'm not hating on Ali. I'm SO not. But fix that wardrobe problem, STAT!

Also, with all the fame whores eligible bachelors out there, couldn't you at least have found some hotter guys?

On a lighter note, I'm proud of you Bachelor producers. Season 800 (or whatever) and you've kept your record and delivered a season teaser that includes a police siren and what looks like some serious drama drama drama.

I'm hooked, thorns and all.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Hello kiddies!

Greetings from work-a-holic land! Do you feel neglected? Think I've forgotten about you? It isn't so. But for the duration of the summer, I am work, work, work-ing round the clock on a TLC show (so guess I'll table the Jon + Kate comments for now so as not to piss off the network that feeds me) and I've had no time for blogging.

But I've been thinking of you! A free association rundown of stuff that's popped into my head over the past month.

Michael Jackson I know my girl Oprah has been on vaca (thus the thousands of re-runs my DVR keeps picking up that are the same two themes: "How to live in the recession" and "How to look younger/thinner") but seriously, she couldn't come back from whatever castle she's staying at to do a show on MJ's passing? I know what you're thinking, do we really need any more coverage? CNN is already ALL MJ ALL THE TIME. But still...you just know she's coming back from holiday with Michael's besties rounded up. And I mean the big ones - Liz Taylor, Macaulay Culkin, that Webster kid...if I know O, it's gonna look like the set of the next Surreal Life.

I kinda can't wait. I know it's wrong.

Kate Winslet This is probably super old news, but I keep stumbling into these quotes and articles where Kate says how pissed she is that magazines airbrush her because she wants to keep it real.

Dear Magazine Editors, if I should ever become famous for some reason, please feel free to airbrush the crap out of me. Go nuts! Not interested in looking real whatsoever. xoxo Krista

What Not to Watch Man oh man, I mean, I know I've been busy, but there is NOTHING on. Nothing. I turned on 5 minutes of "Miami Social" on Bravo and it was the 5 most annoying, whiny moments in tv history. Don't go there, not even if you're a fan of that girl from the Apprentice that has surfaced on this show. And now that other Apprentice alum, Bill Rancic, and his wife, Giuliana (from E!) are doing a Newlyweds-ish show on Style?

Good luck kids. Hope the divorce lawyer is on speed dial.

Glimmers of Hope Only a few weeks till Mad Men. And, this week I'll at least be entertained by tuning in to the last 15 minutes of "The Bachelorette" just to see the most shocking whatever ever, even though I haven't watched for 95% of the season and even though NO WAY is that girl hot enough to have all those dudes fighting over her.

Speaking of desperation, should I watch "More to Love", the Bachelor for the plus sized?

Yeah, maybe it's best I'm too busy working on tv to actually watch it.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

*Spoilers*

Even though, as you well know by now, The Bachelor franchise is a favorite target of mine, I haven't been able to make a commitment in a long time (Oh stop it. I'm talking about The Bachelor, stop judging my personal life).

However, I came home and saw that the finale of the Bachelorette was on, and thought, what the heck, I'm always kind of a sucker for the schmaltz.

So, I didn't even mind it that much when Jesse was ring shopping and had to drop his big fat "This DACORI DIAMOND ring symbolizes forever for me" product placement line in the middle of the I'm-about-to-hopefully-get-engaged montage.

I didn't mind when, as usual, we had to hear everyone and their mother declare their love affirmations every 3-5 minutes so that if we hear it enough, we might forget that this franchise has mainly produced couples that crash and burn right after the director yells Cut!

BUT...I minded it when, after Jesse proposed to DeAnna, the sloppy editors cut to a shot of DeAnna and Jesse hugging and the ring was ALREADY on DeAnna's finger, but in the next shot, poof! the ring was back in Jesse's hand, ready to be placed on her finger for the first time.

It was like that moment in that totally awesome campy movie, Somewhere in Time, where everything's swell for Christopher Reeve after he time travels back to 1912 to fall in love with Jane Seymour, but then he accidentally pulls a penny out of his pocket and it's from 1979 and he's jolted back to reality and dies cuz he can never see Jane Seymour again.

Ok, maybe it's not EXACTLY like that. But it did, like, kinda ruin the moment for me.

Anyhoo, odds be damned, these lovebirds have announced they have already set a May 9th, 2009 wedding date. Awwwwwww, so romantic...just in time for sweeps.

The Rose Parade

This week, VH1 has decided to run a Bachelor/Bachelorette marathon. All week, hours upon hours of retro Bachelor. So, if you don't work, and you really dig broken engagements, your dream has come true.

On Tuesday I happened to catch a fair amount of the Trista re-runs (I swear I do work occasionally), including the Pepto Bismol infused wedding spectacle that was Ryan and Trista's nuptials. I had forgotten how ABC dragged this thing into what seemed like 80 hours of television, about all the hyperbole ("the most anticipated wedding since Charles and Diana!"..."the wedding of the decade!")...and how Trista's squeaky baby voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

It's all especially intriguing to me. In recent months, I've started to investigate the business side of this here blog and I learned how to track the way strangers arrive on my site. The #1 Google search that lands people on my blog? Trista's diet. Trista's diet that I mocked and ridiculed mind you, but this is apparently what the American pop culture public yearns for.

Now, lest I be a total hypocrite in my mockery, I admit a weakness for the Andrew Firestone season, which is on for a good chunk of the day/night Wednesday.

You can relive it with me (time to call in sick!), the innocent days when Jen Schefft captured that hottie Firestone's heart.

And, by the way, what was Jen thinking letting Andrew Firestone slip through her fingers? She could've been rich and drunk on a vineyard for the rest of her life! I'd travel to an island with Ricardo Montalban for that fantasy....

An American Girl in Paris

It was already unthinkable.

I call myself a tv blogger and I plan a trip to Paris during finale week? mon Dieu!

At any rate, with croissants and wine on my mind (ok that and trying to figure out how I'm going to avoid news of the winner of American Idol until I get home), I thought it fitting that when I settled in to pack Friday night, TBS had on the Paris-based finale of Sex and the City.

And with Sex and the City: The Movie mania at a fever pitch, it was just another way for me to ramp up to the premiere.

But then...sacrebleu! Those greedy monsters at TBS had to cram in so many commercials that they Edward Scissor-handed the whole episode until it made no sense. Now granted, yes, I've seen it 800 times (and so have you) and it's not like I couldn't figure it out, but in principle, it left me outraged.

The TBS version (a.k.a. the Total Bull S*** version) had Carrie arriving in Paris, waiting till late for Aleksander to meet her for dinner...and then suddenly she's wondering what went wrong. No falling in Chanel. No wandering the streets of Paris trying to find herself. NO LOSING THE CARRIE NECKLACE!!

Maybe I'm overreacting. At least they didn't lose the famous "Go get our girl" line. That would've been a BIG mistake.

Now, as for American girls in...well, America, don't forget, ABC's got the premiere of The Bachelorette Monday at 9pm.

Meanwhile, those nice folks at ABC are waiting till next week when I'm back to run the LOST finale.

OK, it actually has nothing to do with me. I can pretend, right? It is fittingly called "There's No Place Like Home". Hmmm...you wizards of Oz and elsewhere...chew on the significance of THAT.

Au revoir!

Singled Out

Even though the Oscars are a distant memory (thank God), here in Is It Just Me? TV-Land, there are never enough awards to give out.

And because of that, it is with glee I give some out for Monday night's broadcast of the Bachelor one-hour commercial for their new season "Where Are They Now?" Special.


















ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM Award: The update on re-engaged Bachelor Andrew Firestone left out virtually any discussion of what former fiancée (and former Bachelorette) Jen Schefft is up to. The update also failed to mention what factory Andrew gets his genetically engineered blonde fiancées from.

SCARIER ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM Award: Host Chris Harrison announced that Byron proposing to Mary was voted "Most Romantic Moment in Bachelor History"....even though Mary was arrested in November for assaulting Byron. Love hurts.

ONLY HER COLORIST KNOWS FOR SURE Award: Does that media-whore Trista really think mousy brown is the way to go these days?













It is so, so wrong that I continue to watch this series.

I will NOT accept this rose!

I usually reserve this site for commentary (ok, rants) directly about what's on T.V. That's why you'll never see stupid gossip about who's zooming who in Hollywood on this site.

Well, unless I see it on T.V.

But, allow me the exception today. And, since it's about Trista Rehn (or is it Trista Sutter?), the Bachelorette-fame-hanger-on-er, I think it fits the parameters of "T.V.-related".

So Trista's on the cover of US Weekly this week, and while I'm grateful it's not ANOTHER pic of Britney Spears, this is ridiculous! Her fifteen minutes are SO over, but that's not even it.

She's on the cover to promote how she lost the baby weight. US lures you inside with promises of her "exact diet & workout". And of course, me being me, even though I have no baby and therefore no baby weight, I still was curious. I'm sure this same reaction will be had by suburban moms across the country.

Then I read the first day of Trista's "diet".

(Cue the needle off the record.)

Breakfast: A bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats...with Skim Milk.

Here's a list of some of the key ingredients in Frosted Mini-Wheats: sugar, high fructose corn syrup and BHT. What's BHT you ask? It is used to prevent oxidative rancidity of fats. I don't even know what that means...but, ick! In fact, Google BHT. I dare you. It'll send you running to your cupboards to check labels immediately, but I digress.

Some of the other suggestions: grilled cheese (on whole wheat), Nestle Crunch Dibs (please, she's so getting paid off to promote these brands!) and Sunchips.

I know I'm a cynic, but puh-lease. If Trista really followed this diet to get that body, I'll eat that bikini she's wearing.

Actually, maybe not. It might be preserved with BHT.

Must See Monday

After all of these weeks of suffering, Premiere Week is finally here. Thank God. I almost had to start reading.

First up, ABC's dishing up some serious reality tv. Dancing with the Stars is on at 8pm. I just can't commit this season. Too many hours! There's the show, then the recap of the show, then the recap of the recap...my DVR just cannot accommodate it all. I mean, of course I'll peak at it. Gotta see what the latest 90210-er is up to, how Scary Spice fares...but of course the REAL reason I'll tune in a little is to see...Albert Reed.

I mean I'll tune in to see WHO Albert Reed is. Maybe the title should be "Dancing With SOME Stars".

If you're not too cha cha'd out, you can watch the 87th season of The Bachelor at 9:30pm. This season, it appears they've drafted a college dropout/bar owner as The Bachelor. Remember when they'd at least pretend to make the guy seem rich and important? Note to the producers: Bring back The Bachelorette! Your target audience is desperate single 30-something women, and they (ok, we) don't want to see some guy choose some 22-year old drunk idiot to be his "wife".

But... we totally wanna see a bunch of hot guys competing and live vicariously through the gal that gets to choose him.

Enough with the reality wasteland. Just make sure you watch "How I Met Your Mother" at 8pm on CBS. If you weren't already watching the last 2 seasons, you were missing out. It is - wait for it - awesome.