Birds Of A Feather

Oh Jake and Vienna. How you make me ashamed of myself for following your "journey".

If you, like me, stayed up last night to see Jake and Vienna try and out fame-whore each other, you felt more than a little grody this morning. I think I have a Bachelor hangover.

I mean, first we had to sit through that SNOOZE fest Bachelorette episode last night where NOTHING happened. Say what you will about Justin "Rated R", but now that he's gone, what is there to watch for?

If the trailers are right, the producers are basically saying "Sorry this is so boring, but hang tight till the episode where Ali and the boys are at the beach, because Frankie-four-eyes is gonna drop a BOMBshell that will leave Ali bawling her little doe eyes out.

(Sorry, Frank, about the four eyes comment. I have glasses like that too, but I only wear them in the privacy of my own home to like wash my face and stuff. Splurge on the thinner lenses or get Lasik or something if you're gonna go on tv. Thanks.)

I digress.

In the meantime, like other pathetic Bachelor fans, I stayed up to watch the most boring Bachelor breakup in history. I love love love Chris Harrison, but couldn't he have gotten them to spill more salacious details than...Jake doesn't like when Vienna questions his ability to give directions?

Oh, he's a man?

But seriously, if Jakey-poo was hoping to parlay Bachelor-dom into an acting career, it might be time to rethink that choice.

Well, unless he was trying to ACT like a douche. In that case, ship this boy an Academy Award immediately.

Blonde Ambition

Those Bachelor producers are at it again! The latest Bachelorette (no big surprise for those of us Rose followers) is Bachelor/Jake season alumni/early-leaver Ali.

Now, I was a big Ali fan on the Bachelor, too. Cutie, blondie, breezy, New England-turned-San Fran gal? What's not to like?

Well, here's the problem.

We're two episodes in, and there are some issues. Now, don't hate me for this, but...

Dear Bachelorette-stylemakers/producer-types;

Ali finally dumped the Facebook job to go on your Bachelor franchise, the main purpose of which is to get her in a hot tub on national television...I'm sorry, but she is not looking TV skinny. Hold the hate mail. I'm sure her skinny jeans are way skinnier than mine. I am NOT suggesting she is fat. Calm down.


But, you producer-types are making her look kinda, well, NOT Bachelorette-ish. If you were throwing her in some prepster J.Crew-ish dresses more often, it'd be just fine. But, you're shoving her into these awkward unflattering outfits and seem to have pasted some Brittany Spears-ish extensions into her formerly au naturel hairstyle. Or worse, her photo shoot with the boys had her rocking a bikini with...what were those, business pants? If she can't rock the full bikini, then at least throw her in a sarong!

Let's be clear - I'm not hating on Ali. I'm SO not. But fix that wardrobe problem, STAT!

Also, with all the fame whores eligible bachelors out there, couldn't you at least have found some hotter guys?

On a lighter note, I'm proud of you Bachelor producers. Season 800 (or whatever) and you've kept your record and delivered a season teaser that includes a police siren and what looks like some serious drama drama drama.

I'm hooked, thorns and all.

Baby Come Back

I'm still here. Kinda sounds like something someone would say in a melodramatic love story, no?

In this case, though, it's just me reminding all you loyal readers that I haven't forgotten ya! Big changes here in tv gal's world, leaving little time to entertain you with my tv tales.

Alas, I'm not a Lost time traveler, so I can't turn a wheel that rotates the globe and go back in time (or whatever the hell they do on that show), but I can kick off 2010 (better late than never) with my random musings on what I've been seeing on that little box we call TV.

*Spoilers*

Lost Oh dear, I've been along for this entire ride and I still have no idea what's going on. And not just on a large scale. Was anyone else curious last week when Sawyer had that engagement ring for Juliet? Was there a Kay Jewelers on the island?

The Bachelor When this show is good (Andrew Firestone season was the last good one, judge if you want to) it's good, and when it's bad it's reallllllly bad (What was worse, C-List Jerry O'Connell's brother or that fake prince?). You gotta give it up to ABC for hanging in there, though. It's gotta be in like the 100th season, and they are keeping it fresh by busting out so many producer orchestrated twists and turns that I am shamelessly hooked. Contestant kicked off for hooking up with a producer! Bachelor hates the contestants so much he can't even bring himself to give out all the roses! Contestant picks job over Jake!

Bring it. I'll be there for the final rose.


The Olympics Sorry, I'm all GO USA and such, but unless a skater gets clubbed in the knee, I just can't bring myself to care.

Ah, but I do care about tv. It's good to be back!