Ice, Ice Baby

Another week, another topsy turvy Bachelorette episode.

*Spoilers*

This week, Ali and the gang headed to Iceland. I am guessing the Iceland tourism board sponsored this episode...either that or every cast member suddenly developed some kind of Iceland-Tourette's. The transcript of the first few minutes went something like this: "I am excited to walk down the street IN ICELAND to fall in love with Ali IN ICELAND where surely some cool stuff will happen IN ICELAND. ICELAND, ICELAND, ICELAND. Did I mention we'll be in ICELAND?"

Um, yeah. Now, I was pretty psyched to watch this episode, especially since I'm headed to ICELAND in a few days. What a coincidink!

Luckily for me, I'll be exploring the land of volcanoes and glaciers with my boyfriend, and not those knuckleheads that Ali had to contend with.

Let's be honest, the contestant pool this season is WEAK! Now, the total New England girl in me is of course rooting for Mr. Cape Cod-Nice-Guy next bachelor Chris L. Duh. However, the producer in me loves loves loves Justin "Rated R" aka "The Wrestler". I'm sure all the blogs are right, and that he's just another fame-whorin' kinda guy...but who cares?! He is so much more fun than the rest of these snoozers!

In my house, we love watching him stir it up, and I'm sort of hoping it's not him who leaves next week in the most shocking-departure-EVER.

As for this week, as expected, wackado Kasey was eliminated after revealing his tattoo, and the producers, I imagine, were practically beside themselves to get that shot of Ali and Justin pulling away in a helicopter while Kasey was left to freeze to death on a glacier. I did cackle with delight at this, too, but no frost-bitten exit interview with Kasey???

B-b-b-bummer.

Ali Oops

*Spoilers*

I finally got around to watching Monday's Bachelorette. With each week's episodes clocking in at 2 hours, it's hard to get through it all in a timely fashion. So, it ends up on a to-do list somewhere between laundry and a mani-pedi (hey, you can't neglect your cuticles).

Anyhoo, this crap gets loonier every season, and they've got a doozy of a character this go-round. Having worked with some Bachelor producers myself, I have it on pretty good authority that all contestants have to go through a pysch consult before going on the show.

I'm pretty sure Kasey slipped through.

I'm also pretty sure the producers must be giving Ali a bonus to keep this crazy stalker around.



In case you missed it, after Ali basically told Kasey to refill his anti-pyschotic prescription slow down, he went out and got a tattoo. In her honor. Oy.

Before Ali got to see this piece of (art)work and be suitably horrified, she was pulled away, so he slips through to another week. Sadly, though, her biggest mistake wasn't keeping Kasey around.

Ali, Ali, Ali. When the producers boss you around to keep a seemingly deranged lunatic on the show so people keep tuning in, ok, you do it.

But, when they ask you to don a LEOTARD that even Heidi Klum would have trouble pulling off, one that is so unflattering it creates a fake-side-boob situation, it's time to take a stand.

I don't care if you get to be in "The Lion King". In that outfit, no one can feel the love tonight.

Legal Eagles

I know we've got a long, hopefully hot, summer before the fall shows hit, but it is my duty to keep you informed so you can plan ahead.

CBS has a duo of legal shows debuting, and the jury's out on both. For your consideration....

BLUE BLOODS A 'law enforcement family' drama from Sopranos producers, starring Tom Selleck, Bridget Moynahan and Donnie Wahlberg.

Pros It's from Sopranos producers. Everyone loves Tom Selleck. And who doesn't love a Wahlberg?

Cons Is it just me, or has Bridget Moynahan cornered the market on playing pinchy characters?

Worrisome that in this trailer, when listing why the show is exciting, Tom Selleck says "it has plots".

Let's at least hope he's right.



THE DEFENDERS Two Vegas lawyers bend the rules in this buddy comedy. Starring Jim Belushi and Jerry O'Connell.

Pros The trailer seems to indicate that it has that 80's Beverly Hills Cop vibe to it, if you're into that sort of thing.

I've sort of always loved Jim Belushi ever since he played Rob Lowe's obnoxious sidekick in "About Last Night', no matter that he's kind of the king of the kitschy.

Plus, I went to a taping of "According to Jim" once and he pulled me out of the audience and serenaded me. True story.

Cons Is it possible to watch Jerry O'Connell and not think about how he got Rebecca Romijn from John Stamos?

No Bull(ock)

I try to reserve this blog for the things that are important and meaningful in this world- ripping apart reality stars and finding good television.

And so I generally make it a rule not to tread on TMZ territory (really, is there anything grosser right now than that freaky Gary Coleman killer profiteer/ex-wife/bottom-feeder?).

But sometimes you have to break the rules.

Anyhoo, though this does veer into gossip land, I have to talk about Sandra Bullock's awesome comeback appearance this weekend. I mean, girls all over the world were devastated when they heard that idiot she was married to, well, turned out to be such an idiot. I don't think I've seen ladies this upset about someone-they-don't-know's break up since Brad left Jen for the Dragon Lady.

But this was worse.

This was the Sweetheartiest of America's Sweethearts. The one that stayed off page 6 and whom you'd be hard pressed to find a bad word about.

So what's a gal to do? I'll tell ya. You lay low for a while, and make an appearance like this one:


Not only does she make us laugh and handle this whole mess with incredible grace, but she did the impossible.

I kinda forgot about Jesse James.

Instead, I was thinking that Sandy must've spent all of her time on the Stairmaster during her downtime because girlfriend is not lookin' 45.

No wonder she smooched Scarlett Johansson. She's got legs. And she knows how to use them.

I'll Be There For You

When people tell you, "I've got good news and bad news", which do you ask for first?

I've got both.

Two of your favorite FRIENDS are returning to television - Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc.

Welllll...first, I'm giving you the bad news:

Matthew Perry is coming to ABC in a new series called "Mr. Sunshine". Now, I've always liked Perry, even if he sorta always plays the Chandlerish character. That's cool. It's comforting and dependable, like when you're channel surfing and have to stop to watch Rocky or Pretty Woman (again). Adrian! Work it, girl...you own it!

Never gets old.

So, I was sorta psyched to watch this promo and see what kind of hijinks the latest Chandler incarnation would get into.

And then I watched. Oh dear God, I watched. All 3 minutes-OH-DEAR-GOD-HOW-MUCH-LONGER-IS-THIS and one seconds of it, I watched. Perry is a turning-40-having-a-midlife-crisis guy who manages - WAIT FOR IT! - a stadium. Hilarious, right? Um, not so much.



Maybe it's just a bad teaser. Maybe it'll be better than it looks. Maybe the world is flat.

Not exactly holding my breath.

On a lighter note, Matt LeBlanc's comeback (Is my spin thru IMDB right? Has he really done NOTHING since JOEY?) on Showtime has me calling up my cable provider and adding the pay channel to my lineup.

Matt LeBlanc plays...Matt LeBlanc. Maybe this joke will get old. I hope not. The premise centers around producers bringing a British show to America. They want to dumb it down, so they cast - who else? - Matt LeBlanc. Brilliant!



All I can say is...How YOU doin'?

Blonde Ambition

Those Bachelor producers are at it again! The latest Bachelorette (no big surprise for those of us Rose followers) is Bachelor/Jake season alumni/early-leaver Ali.

Now, I was a big Ali fan on the Bachelor, too. Cutie, blondie, breezy, New England-turned-San Fran gal? What's not to like?

Well, here's the problem.

We're two episodes in, and there are some issues. Now, don't hate me for this, but...

Dear Bachelorette-stylemakers/producer-types;

Ali finally dumped the Facebook job to go on your Bachelor franchise, the main purpose of which is to get her in a hot tub on national television...I'm sorry, but she is not looking TV skinny. Hold the hate mail. I'm sure her skinny jeans are way skinnier than mine. I am NOT suggesting she is fat. Calm down.


But, you producer-types are making her look kinda, well, NOT Bachelorette-ish. If you were throwing her in some prepster J.Crew-ish dresses more often, it'd be just fine. But, you're shoving her into these awkward unflattering outfits and seem to have pasted some Brittany Spears-ish extensions into her formerly au naturel hairstyle. Or worse, her photo shoot with the boys had her rocking a bikini with...what were those, business pants? If she can't rock the full bikini, then at least throw her in a sarong!

Let's be clear - I'm not hating on Ali. I'm SO not. But fix that wardrobe problem, STAT!

Also, with all the fame whores eligible bachelors out there, couldn't you at least have found some hotter guys?

On a lighter note, I'm proud of you Bachelor producers. Season 800 (or whatever) and you've kept your record and delivered a season teaser that includes a police siren and what looks like some serious drama drama drama.

I'm hooked, thorns and all.