Simply the Best

A friend of mine at work today asked me what shows I would consider my favorites of all time. Oh the pressure! I hate dealing in superlatives because it really stresses me out. Does picking my own personal bests of the best DEFINE me? Is this like that episode of Friends where we find out Rachel lies and says her favorite movie is Dangerous Liaisons but it's really Weekend at Bernie's?

I mean, there's my comfort food...Sex and the City and well, Friends. I'm still watching these night after night in reruns. No matter that the DVD's are in reach. We've talked about this.

Then there's those tv landscape altering shows...the Lost's and The Soprano's.

But what about those yummy guilty pleasures? Would you judge me if I said that I fondly remember rushing home to watch Party of Five to see Bailey's Intervention? And that my roommate and I sat speechless and teary eyed all through the episode sipping white zinfandel? Yes, white zinfandel. Go ahead and continue to judge me. I was young and foolish...but not so young and foolish as to not appreciate the genius (ok, hotness) of pre-Lost Matthew Fox in his earlier role as Charlie.

Once upon a time I was big on Ally McBeal, The Practice and Happy Days. Not really in that order, but you get the gist. And I totally wanted to go off to private school once I starting watching The Facts of Life.

Calm down. I'm not equating The Facts of Life with, say, The Sopranos. But, in its era, it is one of those shows that I rushed home for.

Which brings me to something else. We don't rush home anymore! Not for TV. In this post-DVR world, it's all about spoiler alerts and On Demand. I kind of miss worrying if I taped over the finale of Felicity with 90210.

Ah, Felicity. If only she hadn't cut her hair, I might be DVR-ing THAT favorite as we speak. Well, DVR-ing it AND drinking maybe a nice Cabernet?

The Moppet Shows

Remember in the 80's when the solution to any show's sagging ratings was adding a cute kid? Like that bowl-cutted one on Family Ties? (Remember how he aged from zygote to 5 year old in like 1 season? That was big in the 80's, too.)

How come shows don't do this anymore? Like, maybe the new Bionic Woman would've had a Season 2 if they'd added a Bionic Baby. Or a Bionic 5 Year old.



What about that kid Fonzie adopted at the end of Happy Days? Was that super weird or just me?











And then there's Raven Symoné. Before she was SO Raven, she was so Olivia, the cute new kid on Cosby. Raven's done a tad better than the Happy Days kid. Wikipedia claims she made 400 million from That's So Raven merchandise.

Take THAT Miley Cyrus.

Raven used to shoot on the same lot where I worked a few years ago. I kinda wish I'd gotten to know her and her 400 million bucks. Especially since I just charged cheese.

Wow. 400 Million. It's A Different World where I come from...

Mysteries of Happy Days

There is a Happy Days coverup going on, and I'm here to expose it.

The Today Show is running a series this week getting together casts of old shows and kicked it off with most of the cast from Happy Days. I have no idea why Scott Baio was not a part of it, especially since he was on Regis & Kelly an hour later. A booking error... or a conspiracy to have every channel become ALL HAPPY DAYS, ALL THE TIME? You decide!

Just kidding, this is not the mystery.

And no, I'm not talking about Chuck.

Everyone who ever talks about the end of Happy Days refers to the Joanie & Chachi wedding, topped off with Mr. C's final farewell. That certainly does SEEM LIKE the logical last episode. Hell, I even posted this clip just the other day.

But it's lies! All lies! There were FIVE more episodes after that 'finale'. This campaign of misinformation must stop NOW. Am I the ONLY ONE who remembers the episode that was a thinly veiled ripoff of the Stephen King movie, "Christine"? Fonzie with the old '55 Chevy? C'mon, people, I know you saw it. Now, it's not a classic (talking about the episode, not the car) like, say, when Fonzie goes blind or meets Mork, but it's out there and it was AFTER that damn Joanie loves Chachi wedding. Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy!

I mean, annnnnnnyway, I'll tell you something that is NOT a mystery. Poor, poor Erin Moran. Little Joanie wants so badly to be famous again it's hearbreaking. Every time that girl is ever on camera, she just says over and over again "I loooooooved it" about her time on Happy Days, like if she keeps saying it over and over, someone will let her play Joanie again. She's definitely pissed those Brady bitches got that variety show.

Well, her prayers have been answered...sort of. Sources tell me she's headed to Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. Now, I don't think she actually needs to lose weight but if it got her mug on tv....well, let's just say she's probably at Arnold's RIGHT NOW downing some cheeseburgers....

Down 'n Dirty

Bret Michaels HAS to be sitting around going, "I can't believe I get paid to do this".

This week's episode of "Rock of Love" featured the remaining whores girls competing in mud football which is basically female mud wrestling...but with a football. The 'winner' then got to have dinner with Bret...IN A LINGERIE STORE.

God bless the American Dream. Or at least, Bret Michaels' American Dream.

I continue to be perplexed by the casting of these girls, however. I imagine that slutty fake-boobed, big haired chicks aren't too hard to um, come by in L.A. But let's be real, most of these girls are NOT CUTE.

On the bright side, at least some of their not-cuteness is in a retro sort of way and takes me back to some good 'ol 80's fun.

Like Catherine. One of the other girls actually called her Peggy Bundy and I certainly can't improve upon that. Also, at least I can say God bless VH1 for not dealing in ageism cuz this chick is 45, which in the dog years of most bachelor-type reality shows is like 100. Hell, they may as well throw that old chick from Titanic into the mix.










And then there's Peyton. Oh Peyton. What is it about you that just immediately conjures up Marlboro Reds and Aqua Net? And you just KNOW her perfume is like, Love's Baby Soft or something. Do they still make that?

But mostly, when I look at Peyton, something else springs to mind: Leather Tuscadero from Happy Days.

Is it JUST me?

Either way, with Leather Tuscadero on the brain, it reminds me that I miss Happy Days. I especially miss Happy Days' VERY SPECIAL EPISODES...and actually, I miss VERY SPECIAL episodes in general.

Oh well, maybe they'll come back someday...just hopefully not on Rock of Love.