Starz Search

I have to say, so far this fall season has really underwhelmed me. Out of the gate, I was sort of into "Two Broke Girls", but 2 episodes in, it just can't seem to shake the 80's format dust off. And by 80's, I don't mean in a cool, retro Ray-Ban hipster way. It just feels...tired, like Ted McGinley might show up or something.

I'm still on the fence about "Up All Night", and I haven't even managed to make myself hit play on the "Pan Am" premiere episode still clogging up my VCR, er, DVR. See? The tv time warp is confusing me.

So, here we are, and I am desperate to love a new show. Enter...Kelsey Grammer? (Insert inappropriate Camille Grammer/Real Housewives of Beverly Hills joke here.)

He's got a brand new drama. Is it good? I don't know. It's premiering on Starz in a few weeks, but the good folks at Starz have already renewed it for a second season. This means one of 2 things: A) this show is the next BIG THING, and we should all subscribe to Starz immediately or B) the marketing folks at Starz want you to THINK it's the next BIG THING, so you subscribe to Starz immediately.

You can watch the Boss trailer and decide if Starz is worth adding to your lineup, or at least worth scamming your cable company to give you a free trial (oh, like you haven't done that?).

Because I am dying for a new show to be hooked on and, let's face it, because I just happen to have a free Starz trial, I'll at least give this political drama a shot, but the jury is out for me. When I watch this trailer, I can't seem to quite get on board because I'm distracted by of all of the following:

A) Kelsey Grammer is trying so desperately to convince us he is a super baddy and not Frasier that it seems like he studied lots of Cruella DeVille cartoons to get into character to prove he is a SERIOUS DRAMATIC ACTOR.

B) A show about a slimy politician hiding a secret? That's never been done before!

C) Is it just me, or does that-girl-from-90210 sport like 5 different pairs of nifty glasses in this trailer? Is Lens Crafters a sponsor? I haven't seen an optical co-star this prominent since the Sally Jesse Raphael show.

Oh well. I've got at least a month left on the Starz free trial, so I'll check it out.

Besides, I must admit, I really want to find out about where to get those cute glasses.

Old Dogs, New Tricks

If you are not too busy trying to figure out what the heck Facebook has done to your status updates, or trying to Google what Google + is, there's lots to watch around the dial tonight. Buckle up.

The X Factor
Now's your chance to see Simon and Paula reunite, and maybe see the next Susan Boyle, if that's your bag. It's different from American Idol in that...um...well the judges advertise sell their soul to drink Pepsi, not Coke.

Up All Night
This actually premiered last week, and the laffer about 2 new parents is pretty spot on. Throw in Maya Rudolph as an Oprah-ish boss, and you tv peeps especially will get a kick out of it. But fear not, Christina Applegate fans. If this tanks, Applegate seems to get a new sitcom every few years (Ok, I just IMDB'd her to verify this fact and she is also credited on...a pregnant pole dancing dvd. Research AND range, folks!).

Free Agents
Also premiered last week. Not gonna lie, this wasn't Hank Azaria's best work, but he sat next to me and my friends at dinner once and was very nice to us. Actually, my issue with the first episode was that gal he is supposed to be chasing on the show. Maybe they should've brought in someone...more out of his league? Not quite buying what she's selling. Still, I am on TEAM HANK and sticking with this show. But, if you don't want to watch, don't feel bad...those Simpsons residuals will probably pay his mortgage for awhile.

Revenge
I won't be watching this one, mostly because that girl that stars in it was annoying as all get out when I used to watch her on Brothers and Sisters. However, ABC obviously thinks it's got a shot since they are advertising it every other second. You'll have to judge for yourself.

Last but not least....

Modern Family
It's back! This for me is mostly a sure thing, though I'm a little worried they are busting out the one hour big family vaca AGAIN.

If it turns into A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE, I'm outta here.

Monday Night Madness

Yes, yes, I watched the much-hyped premiere of Two and a Half Men. Sure, they did a good job with the stunt casting (*spoiler alert*) but mostly, I thought this Sheen-less Two and a Half Men was, well, kind of dull.

First, bringing back every noteworthy floozy Charlie had ever dated was a little fun...but I couldn't help but think this 'greatest hits' of casting stunt was just stolen from Seinfeld's finale.

Next, bringing in John Stamos was probably the highlight of the 1/2 hour (and really? 1/2 hour? With all the bloated 3-4 hour competition shows out there, Chuck Lorre decided to bang this out in 22 minutes after commercials while the tired How I Met Your Mother premiere was a full hour? I digress...). Anyway, with Stamos at the door, I got excited! Who would show up next???

...And then, Dharma and Greg? Really? While I realize they may hearken back to an old Chuck Lorre era, the 10 year old sitcom was hardly iconic enough to warrant a cameo. Stick to the Uncle Jesse appearances, thank you very much.

Finally, Ashton Kutcher was sort of FINE as the man-child he always plays. He's the anti-Charlie, which was actually the easy way to go, and the path of least resistance. Why not make everyone nuts and pull a Bewitched - just re-cast Charlie and pretend it's all the same? Or bring back Charlie later in a Newhart "What a weird dream" scenario - I'd head in that direction for sweeps, if I ruled the tv world.

Oh well.

Moving on, I won't bore you with the How I Met Your Mother? recap if you haven't seen it. But...no, they didn't meet the Mother, and yes, they are still dragging it out.

The surprise of the night for me was "Two Broke Girls". The laugh-tracky old school feeling sitcom was surprisingly good. Though I couldn't help but wonder if they dreamed up the premise while watching old Facts of Life re-runs late one night (I swear these two girls are modern day Blair and Jo retreads), the writing was sharp in the hands of Sex and the City's Michael Patrick King.

Why is it, by the way, that the wise-cracking tough girl is always brunette, and the richie rich gal is always blonde? The aforementioned Blair and Jo, Cheers' Diane and Rebecca (or for that matter, Diane and Carla)... I'm sure there are more.

Either way, so far, this brunette/blonde combo is having the most fun.

It's How You Play the Game

I guess it takes the Emmy's/the promise of a new TV season/and a little time off to dust off the blog and say "what up" to you, my old Is-It-Just-Me?-TV-ers.

Did you watch the Emmy's last night? I did, and if I was grading it by my elementary school report card standards, I would give it somewhere between a "Satisfactory" and "Needs Improvement" (though even the "Talks too much in class" note that I often received seems fitting here).

But, I like to be Pollyanna Positive when I can, so we'll start out with the good...working our way down to the bad, lest you worry no snark will appear here.

The (Pretty) Good  I must confess, I have never seen Glee.  Well, I mean, I've SEEN it, like clips and such, but no, sorry, I have not jumped on the sing-a-long bandwagon.  However, I thought Jane Lynch kept it all moving along and she had the right amount of wink-wink sarcasm for me.

"I'll have what she's having" award goes to Sofia Vergara.  I could not feel more genetically inferior. And of course they paired her with Rob Lowe, just to remind us all that we are mere mortals. No amount of Spanx/push ups/botox/80 hours on the Stairmaster could ever make us worthy of their company.

The Bad I love a good water cooler moment, really, I do.  So, whatever my feelings for Charlie Sheen's Insanity tour, I was thinking something really fun was going to happen - maybe a dream sequence for 2 and 1/2 Men that revealed all this crazy was imagined? Ashton Kutcher doing a mock Punk'd segment?  Nope, Charlie just came on out and apologized, the audience's nervous light applause underscoring that we were all waiting for the punchline.

Still waiting.

The Ugly I am a huge Modern Family fan, but dear God Julie Bowen, what was with that Ally McBeal look?  Get that gal a sandwich, with a side of extra carbs, stat!

The Golden Nuggets

Help Wanted

Oh Ricky, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Ricky!!

All the trades today are saying Golden Globe host Ricky Gervais is dunzo for his skewering of everyone from Bruce Willis (who he introduced as "Ashton's dad") to Charlie Sheen with his easy, obvious jokes about Charlie's affection for porn stars.

Why is everyone so uptight and upset about this?

He's a freakin' comedian, people.  Relax.  Your parents laughed when Don Rickles did it back in the day.  What, you haven't ever laughed at the bizarro world that is Demi-Bruce-Ashton?  And even Charlie Sheen laughs at his own expense...uh, have you seen Two and a Half Men?  Pretty sure you have, since it's one of CBS's top cash cows.

Anyhoo, who cares about any of that really.  I'm just here to make like we're both on the red carpet and call it like I see it.

The Good  Seriously Halle Berry.  Just tell me.  Do you drink the blood of virgins?  Surely you've never eaten a bagel, not even one of those super thin less carb ones.  How. Do. You. Do. It?  I will buy your workout video, your diet book, anything.  Name it.  Just let the less genetically gifted in on your secret. Please?

Emma Stone.  I haven't seen "Easy A" (seriously?  this looked to be a rental at best but ok Hollywood Foreign Press....) but from your little coral number to your newly blonded hair, I see some big things for you.

Katey Sagal.  Another one! I'll have what she's having! Peg Bundy, are you seeing Demi's plastic surgeon?  And what is his name?  I must friend him on Facebook.

The Bad  Angie, oh Angie.  In the beginning, I sort of got how your other-worldly beauty could steal away Brad from America's sweetheart.  But lately,  you just look frail and sad and kind of mortal, especially when the cameras caught you touching up your lipgloss (and I swear it was some common brand like Clinique) and then they caught you again fixing Brad's tie.  You are better than this - you are princess Angelina! Last night you kinda just looked like a nervous chick at her prom.

Or maybe a prom chaperone.

Sandra Bullock!  What were you thinking??? I love you like, all the time, but those Cousin It bangs have gots to go.

The really, really ugly C'mon, Helena Bonham Carter.  That weird dirty hair schtick is kind of over now.  You too, Tilda - you scare the crap out of me. Hit the beach and stop channeling ET.

Favorite moments of the night Like millions across the country, my fiance was sure Diane Warren was Liza Minnelli.

He was also sure Annette Bening stuck her finger in a bug zapper to get that hair.  And why the glasses?  I know they're sort of hip and vogue if you were playing the part of a magazine editor in a movie, but you're at the Golden Globes with Warren Beatty.  Maybe put in your contacts.

And that's all the news that's fit to print....

More Lip Schtick

Oh dear.  After the media blitz of last week's "Harry Loves Lisa" premiere, I thought we'd be all tv-plastic-surgery-starred out, no? Now,  I have to admit, I thought Lisa's cheerleadery support of Harry was sort of (gasp) genuine-seeming, but the lips! Oh, the lips!  They make me so sad!  Yet, I was powerless to look away. The Hamlin-Rinnas + TV Land know this, and so they've made La Lips the lip-pin, er, lynchpin of their marketing campaign for the show.

Give 'em credit, they know how to put their best foot forward.  Or best lips forward.

Whatever. 

But now, the latest reality show I will become powerless to resist is premiering on Bravo this Thursday.  Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, Botox fans and others, I present to you:

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!!!!

No, I can't believe I'm promoting this crap, either.   The only Housewives franchise I have ever watched is New Jersey, but even that could only hold me for one season. How many episodes in a row can a girl take of the "Danielle-is-here...oh-my-gawd-that-whooooo-rah" theme song, ya know?

(Ok, full disclosure, I watched Bethenny Frankel on "Bethenny Getting Married" even though I'd never seen the NY franchise, but I swear she's somewhat normal...at least, normal using the Bravo television barometer.)

Anyhoo, I watched Bravo's preview clip  and these ladies terrify and intrigue me at the same time.  With Camille (Mrs. Kelsey) Grammer on board, no doubt the schadenfreude-tastic thrill of watching the implosion of her marriage to Kelsey will be the rubber neck draw of the series that Ms. Rinna's lips are on "Harry Loves Lisa".  

Plus, it's got TWO Hilton relatives/ex-child stars, some woman named Lisa VanderPump (I couldn't make that up) who not only looks like Jackie Collins but could star in her awesomely trashy movies-of-the-week, a Maloof wife AND one woman with a very surgically altered lip.  And a partridge in a pear tree.  

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the freakiest of them all?

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Oh you crazy Bachelor kids! Why'd you have to go and recycle that kinda-seems-like-a-hick Brad Womack?? Surely you could do better? If it was controversy you were a-courtin', why not cast now-legendary (ok, kind of) bad boy Kovacs??

(For you non-Bachelor watchers, we'll get to him in a minute.)

I mean, who makes these decisions?

Anyhoo, Womack's claim to fame was that - scandal alert - he didn't pick either girl at the end. People were outraged. They couldn't believe he didn't fake-pick someone only to real-break up with them 6 weeks later!

But that's not really why he ushered in the Bachelor's brief shark-jumping era. I mean, in the beginning, they'd trot out all these guys with a gimmick, and you would (sort of) understand why the gals were all atwitter: Billionaire vineyard owner Andrew Firestone! Sort of a prince Lorenzo! Related to a C-List Actor Charlie O'Connell!

Womack's credentials? College drop-out/bartender. Woo hoo! No wonder you ladies were so upset he didn't pick you. How could you let him slip through your fingers?!

Oy.

So, supposedly he's gone through "intensive therapy" to ensure he's ready to pick someone at the end. And by "intensive therapy" I'm sure that means ABC's contract makes sure he's gotta walk outta there with some girl sportin' some bling.

But the bigger question is, who the hell wants him?

Would you date this man?

ABC, since you've thrown the Rico-Suave rich guy thing out the window as a pre-requisite, and recycling is your thing, why not bring back Jesse Kovacs?? He's the kind of guy every girl has gone out with (or tried to) at least once. Ladies, if you're around 25, you know this guy: hat backwards, cocky as hell dude? He might lure ya in with an Amstel Light when you see him across the bar, right?

And he may or may not call you...five days later.

He's the guy you love to hate and hate to love.

Now THAT is reality tv.

Loose Lips

Did you know Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna have a 'reality' show, "Harry loves Lisa", that is premiering Wednesday on TV Land?

Yeah, me neither.

On the one hand, you think, ick! I would never watch this! On the other hand, you think...well, ick! Plus, no man would ever sit through it. Well, no man in MY house.

But then I watched this clip, and I thought...Lisa is kind of funny. Could this be...good? Rinna's way of getting all, um, lippy is kind of appealing in a Kathy-Griffin-outrageous kind of way (again with this show being a man repeller. Or at least, a straight man-repeller). In the very first intro clip, they're not afraid to dish the dirt, including the fact that it was Nicolette Sheridan dumping Harry for Michael Bolton that led to Harry and Lisa getting together.

Poor Michael Bolton is on everyone's, um, lips. He's having a really bad week. I said it before - you should've never cut the hair! It's why you tanked on Dancing with the Stars and why Felicity Keri Russell is in that God awful show (at least, it LOOKS awful) that's probably about to be canceled, "Running Wilde". Leave the hair alone. You don't see Kenny G getting a buzz cut! And what, you think Snooki would be Snooki without the pouf?

I digress, as usual.

Anyhoo, Harry and Lisa do seem to have a little schtick that could be something. Maybe, maybe not. I will say that their whole "Look at us, we're the Hollywood marriage that is the exception" thing is like inviting the Jinx Gods to come in and get them divorced, but that's the risk they'll have to take.

Besides, they claim they are solid. Hopefully that's not just lip service.

Tony the Tiger

If you haven't already heard, tonight is the premiere of "Teach"...the new A&E show that follows Tony Danza going back to school as a teacher. Since my talented friend Erin Kelly was one of the producers, SPOILER ALERT, I'm probably gonna love it.

But that's not the only reason.

I'm a sucka for second chances. No, I don't mean a career 'comeback' for Danza. I'm pretty sure he can probably sit around in chairs made of gold from his "Taxi" and "Who's the Boss" residuals alone. (Even at gold's current price! Ladies, sell that ex-boyfriend jewelry asap. You can finally cash in on the remnants of that horrible relationship you cried over!)

I digress. Back to second chances.

Anyhoo...Tony went to school to be a teacher, but then went off and became Tony, that affable tv chap that many of us grew up with and loved. He could coast on that forever, but instead, at a whisker shy of sixty, he's taking a chance and, as he says, taking the road not taken.

And isn't that a great message to send to the very kids he's teaching? Not to get all preachy and Oprah-ish on ya, but seriously, by going 'back to school' he's saying it's never too late to try something new, and that's, uh...one to grow on.

Tony's reign on the touchy feely sitcom world may be over (heck, the touchy feely sitcom is over) but by taking a chance and stepping inside the classroom, he teaches a far bigger lesson than he ever did as a fictional ex-boxer-turned cab driver OR as a manny.

As himself, he's teaching the most important lesson of all:

YOU's the boss.

You Better, You Better, You Bet

It's week 2 of the Fall premiere season. What are YOU watching?

Or are you still wading through all the new stuff on your DVR, like me?

This year, I don't think there's any new wowsers in the spirit of "Mad Men" or "Modern Family"...yet. But, here's the rundown so far, keeping in mind I've yet to watch "Chase" or "The Whole Truth". And "Running Wilde" and "Raising Hope" lost a DVR faceoff conflict so they're toast. Sorry.

LONE STAR: I really don't know why the critics went nuts over this one (and neither do you, since it tanked in the ratings). I mean, it's FINE, a decent soap opera with some sort-of-compelling plot twists. I'm not sure James Wolk really has the "It" Factor to carry the show. Sure, he's good looking, but does he come off as the charmer that could fool these two ladies?

Not to me.

And not to kick 'em with a steel-toed boot while they're down, but last night's ratings tanked again, so not even sure it's worth my time to invest in this show that is surely headed for that big cancellation cloud in the sky.

Sorry, pardner.

HAWAII FIVE O: Speaking of under-performing leading men...Alex O'Loughlin (known for "The Backup Plan") is the lead in Hawaii Five-O. Three minutes into watching last week, I almost turned it off. There hasn't been an actor this wooden since Andrew Shue on Melrose...and for some reason, that was fun. This...is not. It's like he's a poor man's Michael Vartan.

Next time just get Michael Vartan.

However....I stuck with it once I remembered Scott Caan was in this! Sure, the Lilliputian fellow has poufy, frosty hair and I'm pretty sure he was a key player in popularizing that awful trucker cap trend that was big for awhile, but I don't care! Love him!

Also, don't care that he basically plays the same wise crackin' dude in every show. He is SO watchable and fun, I'll stick with Hawaii Five O awhile longer just for him.

THE EVENT Episode 2 awaits me on my DVR, but the fact that I feel like it's homework to watch and it dropped 20% in the ratings this week....doesn't bode well for the future.

BLUE BLOODS Pros: The performances are good, even though once again Bridget Moynahan delivers every line through clenched teeth like she's still pissed off at Tom Brady. Big (ish) names Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg are good, and so is Will Estes.

Cons: My dear, dear writers, step up your craft. Episode one's plot devices were razor thin. Also, the whole bad boy cop "I break the rules" thing has been done ad nauseum, no?

Despite all this, it's worth sticking with it, especially as a nice Friday night down timer (what, you have plans???).

BETTER WITH YOU Last, but not least...if I HAD to pick a fave so far...I'm going with "Better With You". Is it Modern Family awesome? Well, no. But, it's pretty funny, the dialogue and characters are snappy and relatable. I actually watched it 2ce and found it even funnier the second time around. Sample exchange: Ben, who has been in a non-wedded relationship for 9 years, to Casey, kinda dumb guy about to marry his girlfriend's sister after 7 1/2 weeks: "It took us 7 months to decide on a coffee maker and I'm still not sure we didn't make a HUGE mistake".

Also, Jake Lacy as Casey really excels at playing the Duh-but-lovable guy in a sort of Joey-on-Friends kind of way.

I'm in!

Tonight, you can also try out "No Ordinary Family". It's about a family with superhero powers. I won't be watching, cuz, well, I"m not really into superheroes...but if you are, it's on ABC tonight.

PS. Jennifer Grey..keep those awesome Dancing with the Stars dances comin'. You are goin' all the way, Baby!!!