On a Wing and a Prayer

So, I'm finally caught up on all my shows. The DVR is at a modest 68% (gotta keep those emergency Sex and the City's and bad Lifetime movies I'll never actually watch stockpiled in case...well, I don't know, I just have a lotta crap on my DVR that I can't seem to delete. This is not unlike my closet, but I digress.).

I was all ready with my sweats and my ice cream, ready to watch the outcome of Edie's electrocution/car accident on Desperate Housewives tonight, and...a repeat? The knocking off of Nicolette Sheridan's character, I saw coming. The delayed second part, I did not.

Sigh.

With nothing but the aforementioned DVR fluff to pass the time, I started looking ahead to some of those remaining mid-season replacement shows coming up. After all, ER, for better or worse, is done this week. Mad Men isn't back anytime soon. And though I'm marginally interested in seeing if the producers on Grey's hate Katherine Heigl enough to make that brain tumor fatal, finale time will be here before you know it.

So even though soon there will be a 'good tv' deficit, at least there's a duo of mid-season replacements to consider to have on in the background while you're Facebooking for your viewing pleasure:

HARPER'S ISLAND
Premise: A bunch of people get together on an island and each week someone is killed off.
Good news: An island mystery to pass the time after Lost has its finale.
Bad news: Premise doesn't exactly bode well for a season 2. Also, lots of tinkering's been done since the pilot, including replacing Bill Pullman with, um, Harry Hamlin.
Premiere Date: April 9th @ 10pm






CUPID
Premise: Bobby Cannavale may or may not be Cupid, and has to (or thinks he has to) get 100 couples together to return to Mt. Olympus, all the while under the care of psychiatrist Sarah Paulson.
Good News: Who doesn't love a little romance? Plus, with new guest stars every week, employment for all the actors that aren't getting hired to lay on gurneys on ER anymore.
Bad News: The buzz isn't great and the original it was based on wasn't exactly awesome. Also, to me, Bobby Cannavale will always be the funky spunk guy from Sex and the City no matter how many shows he is on. Ew.
Premiere Date: March 31st @ 10pm

And I seriously still have a New Year's Eve Faith Ford movie on the DVR. A Kiss at Midnight may not be a Lifetime Movie, but it is Hallmark. It remains to be seen if they've sent their very best.

State of the Union

Hey, if the prez can do a little media blitz, why can't I?

I am not gonna lie, I'm woefully behind on my DVR. Like maxing out at 88% and starting to sweat it. The job that actually pays me (unlike this one) is sucking away all my time, and actually, my life, too.

It's bad when I have no time for TV. Recession jobs sure are a bitch.

I'm feverishly trying to delete and catch up. It's not helping the space issue that I have never been able to figure out how to get my DVR to tape Oprah just once a day, so her damn AHA moments are an extra jam up on the DVR superhighway.

Anyhoo, here's where I'm at:

Lost Still love it. Still genius. Still have no clue what's going on.

Desperate Housewives No one talks about this show anymore. Remember the good old days when everyone was talking smack about Teri Hatcher trying to hog the spotlight? It was a little fun, even if I never believed it. The show's still trucking along with some good eps, though I'm pretty sure Marcia Cross would win the Botox faceoff if she took on Nicole Kidman.

Put. The. Needle. Down.

ER Woefully behind on watching this. I snuck in the Clooney episode but there's like 3-ish episodes more looming that I have to cram in before the finale. Why do I feel like no one is having ER finale parties? Should I throw one? Bring your own CBC Chem 20 - stat!

Grey's Anatomy Just sat down to watch what I believe is last week's episode. Is that an Elvira stripe in Patrick Dempsey's hair? Is that meant to communicate McDreamy's angst?

How I Met Your Mother More Barney. Less Ted. Please?

And speaking of Ted, I still haven't checked out that new show, Better Off Ted. Oh the DVR pressure!!

Party Like It's 1999

I know, I know, where the hell have I been? Can't a girl go on vacation? Zeesh! Well, I'm back with some tv goodies for ya. It's all gonna be ok now. Don't worry.

So I was very skeptical about the Clooney comeback to ER, but dang, those producers got it right, don'tcha think? They just slid Dr. Ross and Carol Hathaway right in there like they'd never left. Benton and Carter, too. No trendy time warp or flashbacks needed here (which, BTW I have an EFFIN headache from watching Lost and that stupid time machine wheel of fortune gizmo, but more about that another time).

Anyhoo, I think ER did it right and it was almost as though it was 1999 again. Actually, it feels a little 1999-ish now, doesn't it? Look around...Dr. Ross is in the house. Who Wants to be a Millionaire is all the rage (Ok, Slumdog style. Whatever). And Britney Spears is on tour.

But I must confess I miss that 1999 rush-home-to-see-my-show feeling. DVR kinda nukes that. I mean, I love my DVR. I love that I can rest easy knowing that all my 30 Rocks are getting stock-piled, and my Oprah's are safe and sound.

And I love knowing that even if my DVR gets all fried up, which HAS been known to happen, I feel sure I can just find that coveted show on-line.

I love all this new technology, and I'm even starting to learn what Twittering is (though seriously, folks, I don't need to know every time you have a cup of coffee. You know who you are.)

And I know you live blogger types will say there are some shows we do still watch in real time, but it's just not the same. Not to me.

Sigh. At least some things stay the same. Ten years later, my VCR is still blinking.

Yes, I also still have my VCR. Baby steps.

Good Vibrations

I'm declaring the 90's officially back.

First, the 90210 reprise (no matter how crappy it is). Then, rumblings of the return of Melrose Place (please, PLEASE bring back Andrew Shue).

Today, NBC was trying to get some traction by hinting that maybe, just maybe, George might make a quick return to ER's final season after all.

Yeah, right.

This got me thinking, if only, if only, they could just resurrect Seinfeld, it would be the perfect storm of 90's bliss.

I know we've made, um, quantum leaps since the end of Seinfeld (TEN years ago!), but I swear not a day goes by when I don't have some kind of incident that makes me feel like I'm in an actual episode.

Like today.

It was one of those non-spoken high noon type stand-offs in the laundry room. You know the kind I mean. I'm waiting for a machine. The weird lady folding her giant granny panties knows I'm waiting for a machine, yet no one says anything.

And so I wait. She knows I'm waiting. I know she knows I know she knows I'm waiting.

And still I wait.

Sigh.

I miss when Seinfeld would relish these moments in all their high waisted-jean glory. Since I know it ain't comin' back, I guess I'll have to just be content with other 90's-esque satisfaction, like a Democrat in the White House.

And in the meantime, I guess I'll just return to My So-Called Life.

The Audacity of Hope

I am ready for a change.

The fall television season has been one big yawner. Sure, I'm tv-side for every debate and every Tina Fey-anything, but other than that, let's be honest: the state of the current tv season is kinda like the economy. It sucks!

Now, there are a few bright spots. Mad Men is still awesome, even if I have no idea what is going on since Don Draper/Dick Whitman wandered off to LA in what feels like one big acid trip. But that's over next week (don't kill the messenger) and I'll have just another big void to fill.

Brenda's off 90210. Brothers and Sisters has turned into a bunch of whiners and worse...Rob Lowe isn't even looking that hot anymore. And, last week's episode of How I Met Your Mother felt a little too 'very special episode' ish to me.

I finally watched last week's ER (you know, it's the LAST year! George Clooney isn't on anymore!) and I was so bored and saddened because they sent Abby Lockhart off with a whimper. Now, in defense of ER, while I was watching said episode, I was juggling facebooking, designing business cards AND eating the most fattening pasta ever. And feeling guilty for eating the most fattening pasta ever. But, from what I saw, it was a real snooze-fest, even if that lady from Facts of Life did play a patient (again).

But I digress. This is supposed to be about HOPE, and this is more depressing than an episode of In Treatment.

On the upside, 30 Rock is coming back in two weeks. We can let Tina Fey get back to doin' her thang as Liz Lemon and let Sarah Palin go back to spying on Russia.

And come January, besides hopefully some other, uh, noteworthy changes, we can all get back to watching LOST and seeing what they do next to shake up the space time continuum.

Yes we can.

In sickness and in health

Tonight, ER, that long, long, lonnnnnnnng running series about that hospital set in Chicago sets its sights on going out in style. It's the start of the 15th and final (no, really!) season of the series that launched a thousand Caesar haircuts, Clooney-style.

That seemingly teflon-coated hospital has seen more guest stars check in than the Love Boat, and as this season begins, Angela Bassett muscles her way in as a doc with a - wait for it - troubled past.

I, for one, hope all these docs and their troubled pasts go out with some class. Now, yes I know we alllllllll want Georgie-poo to come back to say goodbye, but let's be honest....if he didn't show up for Mark Greene's funeral, it ain't gonna happen. But, who knows? Even Anthony Edwards is coming back for one episode, despite his brain tumor death.

God bless the inventor of flashbacks and dream sequences.

Anyhoo, that cast sure has changed since 1994. Some arrivals have been good (hellooooooo John Stamos), some have been bad (sorry Scott Grimes/Dr. Archie Morris, you will always be annoying to me) and some have just plain vanished (where ARE you Rick Rossovitch, aka Tag, the dude Carol Hathaway ditched for Doug?).

I will admit, even I strayed for a few seasons in the middle there, but it's been pretty damn good in the last year or two. So, if your DVR can stand it, that's THREE hours of doctor-palooza tonight (lest you forget the 2 hour season premiere of Grey's).

It could be good for what ails ya.

Missing in Action

*SPOILERS*

I'm not sure why I've written 'spoilers', because the truth is, this past week of finales was lacking much of anything to spoil.

First, though, even worse news: after a week of no American TV except an episode of 'Charmed' in French, I returned home from Paris to discover my cable box had fried and no shows had taped.

No shows had taped. NO SHOWS HAD TAPED. NO. SHOWS. HAD. TAPED!

After the emotional equivalent of breathing into a paper bag and reenacting the scene from Sex and the City when Miranda's TIVO stops working, I came to terms with my plight and tracked down most of the shows I had missed online, save for the American Idol finale (other than in pieces).








Whatever happened to cliffhangers???! How I Met Your Mother was ok, and sure, I guess Ted proposing and Barney secretly being in love with Robin seems exciting, but I just didn't have that "I cannnnnnnn't wait all summer" feelin'.

And then there's Grey's.

I just don't know that Grey's will ever be what it once was and that makes me sad. Yes, I thought Justin Chambers' Alex performance was a standout, and I look forward to buying the song they used toward the end ("The Quest" by Bryn Christopher) when it comes out June 9th.

But where are the weddings gone bad? The secret babies? The shootings?

Now that's what I really look forward to in MY finales, and I felt cheated. And that's another thing. Where's the cheatin' heart kind of love triangles? At least last week's ER finale blew up some stuff and possibly killed off a character or two. Now THAT's a finale.

Well, there's still Thursday. I just know I can find what's missing...on LOST.

Everything Old is New Again

It's upfront week, and NBC has announced their new fall lineup. There's not a lot of new shows here....and the ones that are new? Well, let's just say I'm feeling a bit like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.

Desperate to try and steal ABC's viewers of LOST, this fall NBC offers Crusoe, based on the novel from...1719. Also coming soon: Moby Dick, the series. Just kidding, ANIMAL PLANET!!!!! Don't get any ideas.

Also, on NBC, perhaps learning nothing from the Bionic failure of The Bionic Woman, Knight Rider is set to make a comeback, but it doesn't look like David Hasselhoff has much of a role, if any.

I don't know about this...I would not hassle the Hoff!

My Own Worst Enemy is a new spy drama starring Christian Slater and the perfect title if the series were written by his ex-girlfriends where he plays two dudes in one; one lives in the suburbs and the other is a spy, yet they are both in the same body. Which I guess means "Schizo-Spy" wasn't available as a title. It does seem worth checking out, but what IS it about Christian Slater these days that makes him seem...so...oily?

Lastly, ER is coming back for its 15th and final season. Will they lure Clooney back? Will Mark Greene rise from the dead? Will John Stamos continue to look hot?

Stay tuned. And hopefully, we won't find out it was all just some kind of dream...elsewhere.

Night Court

Julianna Margulies is back on TV. She of the perfectly-manicured eyebrows and formerly 1/2 of the George Clooney coupling on ER, is back, starting tonight at 8pm on Fox.

On ER, she was a complicated, sometimes dark and troubled champion of justice in the hospital.
On the new Canterbury's Law, from the ads it looks like she plays a complicated, sometimes dark and troubled champion of justice...in the courtoom.






Does every drama involve medicine or the law? Between the 47 Law and Orders and 28 CSI's, I mean, seriously? Ok, fine, LOST is about neither of those things, but Jack IS a doctor and Kate IS on the run from the law. So there. I'm just saying, can't there be a drama about, oh, I don't know, a bunch of people who work in a mattress store or something?

Suddenly you're understanding why I am not in charge of the networks.

Anyway, that said, this one's got Denis Leary behind it (yes, of Rescue Me...a show, ok, not about the law but about firefighters) so it's got potential. The Monday night premiere also has Mike Figgis directing. That's the Mike Figgis who also directed Leaving Las Vegas, so if anyone knows from dark characters, it's him.

Doctors, lawyers, who cares? I think I'm in, because frankly, I need a little darkness.

The most serious thing taking up my DVR space right now is Simon's mean comments to Paula.

What's up, Doc?

I've spent so much time watching medical shows over the years that I could probably get a job as a...well, candy striper, at least. I know ER has been around for 100 seasons but, I'm telling you, just because at this age they might wanna shift from the ER to the geriatics ward doesn't mean you shouldn't watch it!

There's one reason to watch right now: Maura Tierney.

*Spoilers*

Maura's (MARRIED) character Abby Lockhart has hit the bottle again and this week's episode featured her hitting rock bottom. After too many cocktails, Abby winds up in bed with Stanley Tucci's Dr. Moretti. I mean, after her performace, I felt like I was the one who had gone on a bender and (accidentally when I was drunk) cheated on my husband with Stanley Tucci. Luka is back next week, so it's gonna be good. Add it to your list of (relationshippy-posing-as) medical shows, if you have one. We'll have to forgive ER for stealing the same storyline that Grey's started last season (on Grey's, George fails his boards, now we got that annoying Morris character on ER failing his boards).

Meanwhile, Grey's is bound to pick up now that it's sweeps (strike notwithstanding). It's meandering along, but the Derek/Meredith heat of yesterday has become ho-hum. I'm hanging in, but please give Patrick Dempsey something to do! By the way, did you know Patrick Dempsey was a finalist once upon a time for House (speaking of medical shows)? I digress...the danger of watching the E! True Hollywood Story of Patrick Dempsey while trying to post.

Private Practice isn't so bad. It's basically Grey's Anatomy Lite. You're not going to a high off it, but it ain't gonna hurt you, either.

So I don't watch House OR Scrubs. Sue me for malpractice. All I'm saying is, check out (actually, check INTO) ER. See how Abby is operating in a most disturbing (but fun for us to watch!) way: