Money Talks

I don't generally talk about commercials on this here blog, but every once in awhile, I've gotta weigh in on ads when they get to me.

There is an ad running right now for HSBC bank that I find so completely vexing, I can't for the life of me figure out how it's gonna make me wanna go put my 2 dollars (and let's be honest, I mean literally two dollars) in their bank.





First, the ad if you haven't seen it (I tried like hell to find the :30 version, but this longer one was all I could dig up and frankly it just makes me all the more confused):



Now, I may not be a marketing strategist or anything, but as far as I'm concerned, any ads trying to lure me to do some banking really should feature something, anything, to distract me from the rampant fear and anxiety associated with today's banking insitutions - so I'm thinking puppies, sunshine, unicorns, whatever it takes to make me feel warm and fuzzy about the bank. That's what needs to be in bank commercials.

Not so much at HSBC.

So, just what IS the point of this commercial?

Is it that tree killers and tree huggers can live in harmony as long as they have lots of money invested at HSBC?

Is it that there are close by HSBC ATM's should you ever need to be bailed out of jail following a violent protest?

Is it maybe...don't invest your money in forests?

I'm thinking it's not any of that.

Who knows what that sad lady is singing about in the commercial. And maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm a little grouchy about finances these days. It certainly didn't help that I started my day with Suze Orman on The Today Show this morning screaming at me through the television to STOP USING CREDIT CARDS!!!!!

I know, Suze, I know.

Show me the funny!

Man oh man, have I gotta get a job. The other day, I spent a full 20 minutes engaged in a discussion of the subtle differences between two shades of nail polish: do I choose "Berry Hard" or "Lacy, not Racy"? Hmmm. Somewhere in the world is the person whose job it is to come up with these nail polish names. Maybe a new career for me?

As usual, I digress.

So, with not much to do but job hunt and try to avoid news about the economy, I have made it my mission to find more funny, because frankly, watching Suze Orman tell me how totally screwed I am is Halloween-level scary.

And so I (and I'm guessing YOU) really need a pick me up.

First, I snuck a peek at the season premiere of 30 Rock. Yes, I couldn't wait. Kind of like how I used to always find the Christmas presents my mother hid every year. Seriously, mom, no other hiding locations besides the bathroom closet?



Anyway, 30 Rock is back! I was worried Tina Fey wouldn't be able to shake the Sarah Palin persona, but no need to doubt the fabulous Fey. So, if you are in need of a little FUN yourself, click here and sneak a peek, too, or you can watch it live on NBC, Thursday at 9:30pm (how retro of you).

And speaking of retro...it's rare that I suddenly get into a show so late in the game, but I have recently started watching and loving The New Adventures of Old Christine. I thought it was just going to be more recycled Elaine bits (see: Frasier), but this show is so much more. Sure, it's a bit of Julia being, well, Julia, but the writing is sharp, biting, and pushing boundaries. Check it out, Wednesdays on CBS at 8pm.

Now, I was going to wind up this little ditty by telling you I was going to give "The Ex List" another chance. I am still in search of more fun, and several people recently told me they LOVE it. Alas, happy-seekers, CBS has pulled the plug.

Well, kids, look on the bright side. Sweeps is just around the corner. Let the celebrity publicity stunts begin!!!

The Audacity of Hope

I am ready for a change.

The fall television season has been one big yawner. Sure, I'm tv-side for every debate and every Tina Fey-anything, but other than that, let's be honest: the state of the current tv season is kinda like the economy. It sucks!

Now, there are a few bright spots. Mad Men is still awesome, even if I have no idea what is going on since Don Draper/Dick Whitman wandered off to LA in what feels like one big acid trip. But that's over next week (don't kill the messenger) and I'll have just another big void to fill.

Brenda's off 90210. Brothers and Sisters has turned into a bunch of whiners and worse...Rob Lowe isn't even looking that hot anymore. And, last week's episode of How I Met Your Mother felt a little too 'very special episode' ish to me.

I finally watched last week's ER (you know, it's the LAST year! George Clooney isn't on anymore!) and I was so bored and saddened because they sent Abby Lockhart off with a whimper. Now, in defense of ER, while I was watching said episode, I was juggling facebooking, designing business cards AND eating the most fattening pasta ever. And feeling guilty for eating the most fattening pasta ever. But, from what I saw, it was a real snooze-fest, even if that lady from Facts of Life did play a patient (again).

But I digress. This is supposed to be about HOPE, and this is more depressing than an episode of In Treatment.

On the upside, 30 Rock is coming back in two weeks. We can let Tina Fey get back to doin' her thang as Liz Lemon and let Sarah Palin go back to spying on Russia.

And come January, besides hopefully some other, uh, noteworthy changes, we can all get back to watching LOST and seeing what they do next to shake up the space time continuum.

Yes we can.

Not Feeling the Love

I was marginally excited for the new CBS show, "The Ex List", even though that girl in it bugs me for some reason. It's not that I have anything against Elizabeth Reaser. She did a fine job as the fake-amnesia gal with a new plastic surgery face on Grey's, but maybe it's because that was supposed to be her fake face on Grey's that I can't accept it as her actual face now.

And if you don't watch Grey's Anatomy, now you don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Sorry.

Anyhoo, I am usually a sucker for any kind of schmaltzy crap, and with the underlying premise being that this chick is looking for love, I figured it's gotta be kinda good? Right? Unfortunately, it's kinda not.

The biggest problem with this show is that it's an hour. Which is about 45 minutes longer than it should be. An hour doesn't really work for this sorta sitcommy format. Oh, and then there's the other thing.

It's not funny.

Which brings me to my other lament. We need more FUNNY in the world! Sure, there's a few gems - 30 Rock, hurry up and come back! And thank you Barney Stinson for doing the unthinkable and erasing the memory of Doogie Howser! - But, I miss when the channels were flush with laffers that made us all happy. I wanna sit in Central Perk and drink coffee. I wanna go to a place where everybody knows my name. I want Charles in Charge of meeeeeeee.........

I'm just saying, can't there be more funny? The world is a scary place right now, and we need to laugh. What we DON'T need is any more investigations of crimes. We don't need to see any more operations. Basically, we don't need any more angsty anything.

If I want angst, I'll just watch more debates. Come to think of it, I take that back. Maybe that's where all the laughs are.

Dirty Tricks

Is Lucy Liu the new Heather Locklear?

(No, no you meanie, this isn't a gossipy post about Amanda Woodward Heather Locklear's recent run in with the law. I am very pro-Heather and I totally hope she and Frisco Jones get married and live happily ever after.)

I digress.

However...remember in the old days, every time a show needed a little help, they'd bring in Heather Locklear? Remember? Melrose, Spin City? Scrubs? Heather would just waltz in in her mini skirt and black-light-white teeth and make everything better?


I'm thinking Lucy Liu is the new answer.

Tonight, Dirty Sexy Money begins season 2, and Lucy is their new secret weapon, if the billboards I keep seeing around town are to believed, anyway. Now, LL didn't do much to enhance Cashmere Mafia last year (who would've thunk that they'd get bitch slapped by Lipstick Jungle by the way), but she's certainly lobbying hard for the Locklear title. Consider the evidence: she did lots for Ally McBeal, she did a little ditty on Ugly Betty.

I mean, they even brought this Angel onto JOEY as a Hail Mary, ya know?

And so even though I wasn't really all that jazzed up about Dirty Sexy Money last year, I'm gonna check it out. Considering I keep watching that 90210 crap, it's the least I can do.

And NO, Shannen Doherty is DEFINITELY not eligible for the super shiny Locklear guest star title.