Truly Madly Deeply

Amy Winehouse and I are in trouble.

We both have all the telltale signs: the hollowed out darkness that lurks under the eyes from no sleep, no time to eat, and yeah, I totally just want one more hit. I just can't get enough, man.

But my crack ain't actually snortable or smokeable. It's Mad Men.

I mean, I know I wrote the other day that I was digging this show (even though I'm a little late to the party), but man oh man, did I just have no idea how addictive this thing is.

I blame On Demand. I'm in a foggy haze, frantically trying to catch up to season 2. The clock tolls 1:08am and I know I have to get up for work, but who can care about work at a time like this?

Besides, it's not like I can drink and smoke at my desk like at Sterling Cooper.

Why even go in?

Way Beyond Bueller

Who knew Ben Stein was so huge?

Not me. So when I wrote of my surprise at Ben's place in the political world, I got a flurry of emails that were kind of like, mad at me. Don't you worry, my little chickadees, I wasn't trying to slam your beloved Ben-ster. I think he is a delightful and amusing fella. I was just merely expressing my OWN surprise that he was in the pundit circle.

My OWN surprise...cuz sometimes, it IS just me.

Anyway, much like Baby's father in Dirty Dancing after he realizes he shouldn't have tried to put her in a corner, when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, so I will cop to ignorance of his awesomely politically qualified past. I should've checked it out. This former speech writer for Nixon and Ford is like a wicked smartee pants with major, major political cred.

But seriously, guys, the dude did guest star on Charles in Charge MORE THAN ONCE.

Anyway, sorry if y'all were offended. Jeesh! Now I know why politics and religion are off limits on a date.

By the way, did I tell you the joke about the priest, the senator, and the network exec?

Time Management

Did I miss something?

Other than my new obsession, Mad Men, I admit I've been uncharacteristically distracted. Besides my steady diet of Friends and Sex and the City re-runs, the dog days of summer have taken their toll on my tv viewing and my DVR isn't even in the danger zone of running out of room.

It's shocking.

So when I turned on Larry King on Tuesday night, I realized that frankly, I need to pay attention. Joy Behar was hosting a roundtable-ish political discussion with some pundits, and mixed in was...FRAN DRESCHER. Fran Drescher of the nasally, whiny-voiced Nanny fame?

I don't understand.

What TV Land reunion did they dig her up from? If you want to spice up the commentary with a little Hollywood, why not Beatty or Baldwin? Hell, I'd even settle for Ben Affleck.

Rounding out the 'panel' was Ben Stein. BEN STEIN?!! Did I go to sleep for 50 years like that Mel Gibson character does in that movie where he wakes up 50 years later from the cryogenic machine and hooks up with Jamie Lee Curtis and realizes he has missed everything, including the girl he went to sleep for who he thought was dead but as it turns out, isn't?

It kind of feels like that...'cause last I knew Ben Stein had 2 claims to fame. One involves winning his money on an aptly named game show. The other is simply this: Bueller...Bueller...Bueller.

I didn't know he was now the go-to guy for politics.

Just out of curiosity, is Matthew Broderick president?

Mad About You

So I finally decided to see what all the hype is about and checked out AMC's Mad Men.

Where the hell have I been?! It's...oh so good.

Now, on the bygone era front, I admit I didn't really give Swingtown a chance, and maybe I should've. But in that first episode, every Tab, every mustache, every bell-bottomed move seemed contrived to me.

For some reason, on Mad Men, it's the opposite. I want to deep inhale every unfiltered cigarette they smoke, come along on every non-seatbelted car ride they take, and, quite frankly, I'm a little jealous of the multi-martini lunches.

I'm comforted by the clacking of the typewriters. I want to run out and buy a bullet bra. I wanna go to one of those restaurants with the teeny weeny lamps on the tables and drink a gimlet. I'll call the restaurant and make the reservation on my rotary phone.

And now the best part. I'm only on episode 2 of the 13 on demand before season 2 starts next Sunday.

Finally, something to do this summer that won't make me hot and bothered...well except when I think about Mad Men star Jon Hamm.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

*Spoilers*

Even though, as you well know by now, The Bachelor franchise is a favorite target of mine, I haven't been able to make a commitment in a long time (Oh stop it. I'm talking about The Bachelor, stop judging my personal life).

However, I came home and saw that the finale of the Bachelorette was on, and thought, what the heck, I'm always kind of a sucker for the schmaltz.

So, I didn't even mind it that much when Jesse was ring shopping and had to drop his big fat "This DACORI DIAMOND ring symbolizes forever for me" product placement line in the middle of the I'm-about-to-hopefully-get-engaged montage.

I didn't mind when, as usual, we had to hear everyone and their mother declare their love affirmations every 3-5 minutes so that if we hear it enough, we might forget that this franchise has mainly produced couples that crash and burn right after the director yells Cut!

BUT...I minded it when, after Jesse proposed to DeAnna, the sloppy editors cut to a shot of DeAnna and Jesse hugging and the ring was ALREADY on DeAnna's finger, but in the next shot, poof! the ring was back in Jesse's hand, ready to be placed on her finger for the first time.

It was like that moment in that totally awesome campy movie, Somewhere in Time, where everything's swell for Christopher Reeve after he time travels back to 1912 to fall in love with Jane Seymour, but then he accidentally pulls a penny out of his pocket and it's from 1979 and he's jolted back to reality and dies cuz he can never see Jane Seymour again.

Ok, maybe it's not EXACTLY like that. But it did, like, kinda ruin the moment for me.

Anyhoo, odds be damned, these lovebirds have announced they have already set a May 9th, 2009 wedding date. Awwwwwww, so romantic...just in time for sweeps.

Age Before Beauty

For reasons that are way too frightening to admit that I won't bore you with, last night I found this John Waite video for "If Anybody Had a Heart".


This video highlights scenes from the 80's cult classic, About Last Night (ok, fine, maybe no cults are devoting anything to this film but still...). Is it just me, or does John Waite look and dress just a wee bit like Molly Ringwald in this video?

Anyhoo, I remember vividly when I saw About Last Night in 1986, MY FRESHMAN YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL.

(Wow, that was painful to write.)

I had to leave before the end of the movie because it was past my curfew, and when I called dear old dad from a pay phone to say I might be late...he was PISSED! And so my date, whose name escapes me 22 years later, drove me home.

On his motorcycle.

I did not share this with dad.

But now, 22 years after that film, I just can't help but wonder what secret Dorian Gray-ish pact Demi and Rob made all those eons ago. In case you haven't noticed, NEITHER HAS AGED. Not one bit!!! It's spooky! Demi WAS born in Roswell, New Mexico. I'm just saying...

I'll have what they're having.

By the way, in 1986, Ashton Kutcher was eight years old.

90210 2.0

It's coming.

It's coming and you can't stop it.

This Fall, CW, home of new classics like Gossip Girl and America's Next Top Model, is bringing us 90210, the new-but-let's-be-honest-how-could-it-possibly-be-improved?-version. I'm excited and scared at the same time.

As you've probably already heard, it looks like both Jennie Garth AND Tori Spelling are coming back. And now, word arrives that Shannen Doherty might, just might, also be moving back to Cali's favorite zip code.

But no Dylan?! Sigh. Luke Perry has decided he and the pompadour are not returning. I heart Luke and wish he would come back, but I understand he is destined for more movies of the week bigger and better things.

In Luke's honor, let's all remember the greatest moment in the history of 90210, the episode where Dylan's wife Toni is shot one day after their wedding:



Don't lie. You cried, too...maybe just not as hard as when Ray Pruit (Jamie Walters) threw Donna (Tori Spelling) down the stairs.