Tomorrow on TODAY...

This has been bothering me for awhile now. Years in fact. And now it's time to let it ruin YOUR Today Show viewing experience, too.

Unless it's...JUST ME.

Always a bridesmaid Ann Curry often steps up to be co-anchor when Meredith is away...the same way she did when Katie was away. How come EVERY FREAKING TIME, Matt Lauer is clearly contractually obligated to qualify her as "sitting in for Meredith..." on the half hour. WE GET IT!!!! We don't need an overview of The Today Show org chart at 30 minute intervals. Plus, it's sort of painful to watch it get rubbed in Ann's face that SHE IS NOT THE REAL CO-HOST on a regular basis. The madness doesn't stop there. When Ann fills in for Meredith, then we have to hear Ann say who is filling in for her at the News Desk every half hour too, lest we think she has vacated her seat permanently....and so on and so on and so on.

I don't care what your job description is, just cue up the next makeover/splurge vs. steal segment and get on with it! The show wouldn't need to be 4 hours long if you didn't eat up all the time with this nonsense!

I still heart Matt Lauer.

Oh Bai-bio

*Spoiler Alert*

So the worst secret in reality tv was revealed on the finale of "Scott Baio is 45...and Single" on Sunday night. He and girlfriend Renee are having a baby.

This show came out of the gate strong, and has been good but could've been great. And yup, I can't stop watchin' the Chach, which is why I'll be shocked if there is not another season chronicling Scott: the new dad and newlywed. I anxiously await that announcement, or else I'll go produce it myself, cuz it's sooooooo watchable!

Now, here's what detracts from the show being great:

-I didn't really need forty seven thousand not so subtle Sidekick product placements throughout the finale. All the text messages that Scott got flaunting the voice technology of his new phone and his Huey Lewis ring was so distracting and irritating it made me long for the days when the only time a song would come on at random like that was when the Fonz would hit a jukebox.

-Jason Hervey, aka Wayne Arnold from the Wonder Years. He is an Exec Producer, yet we dumb viewers are expected to believe every time Scott tells him some new aspect of his life coaching, we have to pretend we don't know he's orchestrating the whole thing. In the finale, the whole over-compensating scene with Jason feigning surprise at the "graduation" date and inability to attend was just so fake!

-File under creepy. Ok, this might actually be a pro, not a con, cuz once again it's a car accident I can't turn away from but Renee and Julie McCullough together? Two identical Stepford Barbie dolls. Ick. Scott has such a weird, predictable fetish.

...But, at the end of the day, what makes this show so great is Scott's total in-on-the-joke awareness and self-deprecating manner. Even though I don't really believe a lot of what I'm seeing, they sell it pretty well. What makes you sucked in is the genuine (seeming) candor Scott speaks with. When Jason suggested Scott go see his cousin, attorney Laura Wasser, because she's the lawyer all the big celebrities use, you gotta love Scott for his quick retort: "If I become a big celebrity again, I'll get her" . And his outburst "I wanna be 30!" is just so real. C'mon, as we get older, we all long once in awhile for our glory days. I'm sucked in, like it or not.

And hey, imagine this: if it's not real, then he actually is a hell of an actor...which is pretty damn ironic isn't it?!!!

Wah, Wah, Wah!

NO STARS

Chalking it up to a necessary evil as part of my research as a tv anthropologist, I watched the 2nd episode of the new Star Jones talk show. This airs on Court TV, which is soon to be called Tru TV, but it should be called Lies TV cuz that's what I got.

I was sorry I missed the premiere, because I did want to see Isaiah Washington discuss (AGAIN!) all the injustice in the world that caused his firing from Grey's Anatomy. So, I was excited that at the top of the show on day 2, Star promised more from the Isaiah interview. She continued to tease the interview throughout the episode, but then never showed the footage. She then in the final seconds made no apologies, no "we ran out of time"...just gave a lame "we'll show it tomorrow" shrug of the shoulders and that was that. I'm not going to talk about how the whole thing had the production value of cable access, or how she's ripped off The View by copying the Hot Topics segment and thrown together a random (badly dressed) panel to mimic The View cross-talk.

No need to mention that one of panelists on The View ripoff was Paula Froelich from PAGE SIX of the NY Post. Isn't Star Jones' alleged sham of a marriage and general bitchy behavior routine fodder for the tabs? Seems odd this chick is her friend...or maybe Star keeps her name out of the papers by giving Paula a job. Hmm, sounds just like a politician.

Did I also mention she named the hot topics thing SHE TV, and the SHE was an acronym for something Star realllllly wants you to remember because they kept up the helpful graphic for like 40 minutes, like there'd be a quiz later, after the Isaiah interview? Good thing there was no interview with Isaiah, cuz I would've failed the quiz. I already forgot what SHE stood for. Stupid Horrifying Egomaniac maybe?

All of that doesn't even matter because the bigger issue is that this show has as much focus as Lindsay Lohan after an 8-ball.
Jam packed into the hour (not including of course the fake teases to the Isaiah interview) were alllllll of these random topics:

Whether Hillary Clinton should be judged by her wardrobe
Dating your friend's man: Ok or not Ok?
Leona Helmsley's life and death
Celebrity sex tapes (including an interview with Screech from Saved by the Bell)
A soldier who got someone to shoot him so he didn't have to go back to Iraq
Gratuitous footage of Star ringing the opening bell at the NASDAQ
"An Open Letter" segment where Star bitches about something, this one was about the economy and disappearing U.S. jobs

The Kitchen sink didn't make it into this show, but I assume it must've on day 3.

Oh yeah, and I also won't mention that it's probably not a good sign if on DAY TWO the biggest celeb your booker can get you is SCREECH from Saved by the Bell!!!!

Wardrobe Malfunction

Oh dear. As if NBC doesn't have enough problems, early peeks at Lipstick Jungle's promos reveal that they are in need of a new wardrobe stylist, stat! The Sex and the City wannabe (there are so many this season) boasts Brooke Shields arguably as its biggest name. Not to discount Kim Raver from 24, or that girl (Lindsay Price) that played Steve's baby mama on 90210, but let's be honest, Brooke is a legend.

So why are they dressing her like a man...no, worse, like a woman in 1998????

Everything I've seen thus far has shown her in boxy man-suits that aren't sexy at all, but worse, these promo stills have her in [needle off the record]....LEATHER PANTS!!! This is a travesty even worse than the animal print shoes they all have on that are practically special ordered from the "slutty cliche wardrobe" section at Central Casting.

I don't mean to make it "Pick on NBC" week. After all, I think getting Jerry Seinfeld to guest star on the season premiere of 30 Rock is like, the best thing ever. Now if only I didn't have to wait till October.

Yadda yadda yadda...

Only the Good Die Young

In my continuing quest to quench my thirst for some good chick tv, I finally watched the remaining (unaired) episodes of Six Degrees on-line. I realize I am possibly one of the only viewers (well, besides the cast & crew's parents maybe), but I think this show got pulled too soon. Most maddening was the fact that the last episode left so many plot points unresolved...presumably, forever. In the final scene, Peter Horton turns up as a handsome stranger next to ice-queen Bridget Moynahan's Whitney. He's a symbol of hope and even though it's literally seconds, we can think that he might've even been the next love interest.

I love me that Peter Horton from Thirtysomething! I would've liked to see that. Guess he's busy these days producing and directing little shows like Grey's Anatomy. Heard of it?

Call me a purist, but I like my chick flick shows to be wrapped up in a nice little bow: just give me my wedding (or funeral) scene and call it a day.

Then of course there's Felicity. This show had a 'fake' pseudo-finale when the characters graduated, then the network threw them a bone and let them shoot four more episodes...which yielded the BRILLIANT time travel episodes culminating with a PROPER finale that included a wedding. That was some good tv.

Well, Six Degrees is in good company. Did you know that shows like Laverne and Shirley, Diff'rent Strokes and The Jeffersons never had formal finales?

I know, I know...you're going to start bitching about the Sopranos. That doesn't count...THAT cliffhanger was planned.

Maybe I'll wake up like Bob Newhart and realize it was all just a dream.

Rhymes with Zucker

My blogger-vation is over. Did ya miss me?

For the uninitiated, Jeff Zucker is President and CEO of NBC Universal. His claim to fame, besides his rapid ascension up the tv ranks, is his PT Barnum-like knack for promotion.

These days, though, NBC is sorely lagging behind in the Must See TV category, and their Web Promotion isn't doing them any favors. As we pass these long summer days with some bad reality tv and [gasp] outdoor recreation, at least we can start preparing our Tivo's for the new shows, right? Well, sort of. Go to ABC's site: it's slick and easy to navigate and you can view previews for the fall. CBS has a fun, interactive Fall Showcase, sponsored by Tivo. But NBC?

For shame, for shame.

NBC's preview link is easy to miss, but if you find it, the link is to a TWENTY-FOUR minute fluff promo [read: we have no shows to promote] hosted by JJ Abrams favorite charity hire, Greg Grunberg.

I was still sympathetic. It must be hard to know your best days are behind you. So, I was happy to go down memory lane and visit that golden age when I saw a link to the NBC "Vault". It promised you could "relive the memories of your favorite NBC shows". Excited to indulge in some retro viewing, I was ready for links to Cheers, Family Ties...hell, even ALF! But, no. The links were to those other classics...The Apprentice and Fear Factor. Are you freaking kidding me? I feel so betrayed.

But, what else can you expect from a network whose future depends on John Stamos on the 87th season of ER. Get it together Zucker! You're also forcing the Today Show (the show that launched your career) to cannibalize itself by adding ANOTHER hour? How many makeovers can one show possibly do a week!

Oh well. In the meantime, enjoy a preview of ABC's upcoming answer to Sex and the City. And yes, in a weird twist of irony that IS the girl that played Ross' girlfriend now playing a lesbian.

Jumpin' Jack Flash (back)

80's + 90's star Whoopi Goldberg has joined The View. I guess Bawb-wa Walters figures the former Hollywood Square might add some, um, Comic Relief. I just hope she lifts The View out of its current coma.

Meanwhile, also in this very special The View edition of "Norma Desmond Award" nominee news: Star Jones is clinging to fame by announcing (now) that she had gastric bypass surgery.

Well, it's a good thing they finally did fill at least one of those slots. The ever-rotating co-host chair was filled recently with people whose names Bawb-wa couldn't even bother to learn, but the pinnacle was Babs practically choking on her own bile enduring Ross the intern's stint. Maybe she's still bitter she lost the Paris interview to that other geezer, Larry King.