The Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning, giving me some excitement to look forward to when the holidays are over. Set the DVR (or VCR, if you're super retro) for Sunday, January 17th on NBC (or maybe, by then, "Comcast-world TV").
Frankly, this can't come soon enough in terms of giving me something to do. I've been so submerged in creating the perfect holiday decor that I might be out Martha Stewart-ing Martha Stewart (seriously, did SHE pick pinecones out of her backyard for her latest holiday art project?). I don't want to say I'm overdoing it, but my boyfriend just nicknamed me the "Christmas hog".
Maybe it's time I actually got a job.
Anyhoo, the Globes are my fave! TV and Film, all in one place. Now, I'm at a disadvantage having not seen a lot of the movies yet. There was a glitch in shipping my free screeners and I'm too cheap to shell out the money to go to the theater so I'm a little behind.
The nominations give me pause, however, about the state of comedic films in America. Best Actress in a musical or comedy...Julia Roberts for DUPLICITY???? No offense to Jules, love the gal and all (who has seen Pretty Woman more than me? Anyone? Anyone?) and she was FINE in this movie, but the movie just kind of went nowhere and no one really saw it. This is the best they could come up with for this category?
And, I have admittedly not seen It's Complicated. I love Alec Baldwin. I love Meryl Streep. Steve Martin's pretty funny most of the time. So why do I feel like this movie sucks? Wasn't this also the name of that horrible Denise Richards show?
That can't be a good sign.
Hopefully the Globe voters have it right. Those mystical foreign press folks were at least smart enough to heap lots 'o praise on my old pal George Clooney.
Up in the Air is one movie I am sure does NOT suck.
I don't necessarily want to jump on the "bash Tiger" bandwagon, so that means I can't make any 'hole in one' or 'catch a tiger by the tail' jokes. Too easy and, well...ew.
Plus, you can't blame the guy. I mean, he's spent years representing a company whose slogan is "Just Do It". He was just following orders!
Ok, sorry, I had to get one in.
Seriously, though, I just have to wonder, how did this guy pull this off for so long? And how many other 'role models' are leading double lives? There are some seriously douche-y dudes freaking out right now that they might be outed next.
And let's not leave out the ladies. I'm sure there are plenty of famous all-American gals out there who also have a few skeletons.
But, until the next scandal breaks, and the paparazzi move onto that feeding frenzy, only one question remains for me (well, besides the obvious "How the hell did he find time to play golf?" one)...Who will get the coveted post-scandal interview. Will it be...
-A teary apology with Babwa Walters?
-A frank discussion with Oprah?
-Maybe a man to man talk with Bob Costas?
I just beg you, Tiger, please no sudden 'sex addiction rehab' BS. This will just give bottom feeders like Drew Pinsky even more fodder and we both know the only reason you, ahem, allegedly cheated with so many women was because you can.
Tiger's people are no doubt trying to figure out the best sympathetic comeback role possible. I have no inside scoop, but I'm pretty sure it won't be a guest spot on Cougar Town.
ABC Family just kicked off their 25 days of Christmas programming block to help get you in the holiday spirit. Now, I certainly love this concept, because it's a guarantee to catch some of those gems that you look forward to every year.
HOWEVER....
To fill 25 days of holiday programming, you're bound to end up with some clunkers. So, while I'm pretty excited to revisit Frosty and Rudolph, what programming executive was in charge of...
Special Delivery Not only does the premise sound a bit like the plot of a Three's Company episode, ("When a sandwich delivery boy must help out his friend at the adoption agency, he misplaces the family's baby and must find a way to get the baby returned by Christmas") but it stars...Andy Dick???
Oh dear.
Holiday in Handcuffs Hmmm, well, this one has a certain cheese-tastic, uh, je ne sais quoi? It stars Mario Lopez and Melissa Joan Hart. Any other info needed? I think not.
Snow 2 Brain Freeze It's important to note, THIS IS A SEQUEL (I'd hate for you to get lost lest there are plot intricacies the likes of Lost). At least it stars Tom Cavanaugh...though maybe a holiday themed "Scrubs" might've done the trick.
I'm thinking we've a got a slight case of quantity over quality here. Doh!
Isn't Luke the 'hotter' brother? So....why the AT&T commercials?
Granted, after Old School and Legally Blonde, he's got some pretty random credits kicking around the IMDB database. Maybe I should've gone to see Jackass Number Two to show my support (was that really in theaters?).
But I didn't. I'm sorry.
Surely things can't be so bad, though, that he is forced to shill for AT&T?? I could almost forgive it if it was a clever spot, or even marginally stylish (you barely get a pass, Jennifer "Smartwater" Aniston), but this is just downright sad.
Who thought it was a good idea to dress Luke like your still-single-after-all-these-years uncle who teaches part time at community college? Seriously, he looks so bad in these spots that my boyfriend's mom glanced up at the tv when the ad was on and thought it was Beau Bridges.
Not good, people, not good.
Well, I hope you at least got Luke a free Iphone out of the deal...maybe even one that doesn't DROP CALLS every day!!!
Hmmm, that's probably too lofty of a goal. Let's just focus on lining up some meaty Oscar-worthy roles.
Get ready, kids. 'Tis the season for every holiday themed special, movie, and surely a few 'very special' episodes of your favorite comedy or drama. Or both. I dare you to make it to January 1 without a glimpse of "Miracle on 34th Street", "Christmas Story" or "Christmas Vacation".
But wait a minute. Why does Thanksgiving always get the shaft?
Now OF COURSE, I'm not forgetting one of the greatest movies of ALL TIME, "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", but the pickings are slim after that. Soon, you might tune your flat screen to the annual Yule Log, but I am almost positive that on Thursday you won't gather by the warm glow of the Turkey-basting channel while you sing Thanksgiving carols.
But don't worry, mama's gotcha covered. I did some digging, tugged on a wishbone, and found you a little sampler platter of my favorite Turkey day classics to feed you with.
Will and Grace "A Moveable Feast" I love this episode. Will, Grace, Karen and Jack agree to go their respective families...for about 20 minutes each (complete with a timer). Admit it, a 20 minute limit on YOUR holiday gathering could do wonders to eliminate some of those Riunite-fueled fights over the remote on Thursday. Catch this way-funnier-than-your-Thanksgiving episode on Lifetime Tuesday night at 11pm.
Friends "The One Where Ross Got High" Friends is actually pretty good about actually DOING Thanksgiving eps, and this is the one where Rachel tries to make a trifle. There were many other funny ones to pick from, but Rachel accidentally combining meat and whipped cream when she thinks she is following a recipe faithfully sorta seems like something I would do, so this one's my pick. TBS at 5pm on Thursday
Cheers "Thanksgiving Orphans" This one's definitely worth catching (or at least DVR'ing - the only place I could find it is on the Hallmark channel at 2am on Friday) not just for the food fight at the end, but for a glimpse of Norm's mysterious wife, Vera...though her face is obscured in mashed potatoes. Aw, shucks.
Hope YOU are traveling to a place where everybody knows your name on Thursday.
Heather Locklear is back on Melrose Place. Let's party like it's 1999!
Hopefully, a little La Locklear can give a shot in the arm to this slowly dying series. I have only been mildly paying attention since its premiere, and I guess the producers know I'm not the only one. Every week's recaps go so far back you could start watching today and you will be caught up in 90 seconds (which BTW doesn't speak too well of the intricacies of the plot).
The premiere Heather Locklear ep of the NEW (but let's face it, not necessarily improved) Melrose had its highs and lows.
The Highs: God bless her for still pulling off those miniskirts at almost 50. In a related story, I am totally investigating Pilates tomorrow, and never eating carbs again.
And, she's still pulling off those icy zingers like she used to and it's still just as ridiculously cheesy. And as fun.
The Lows: Oh dear, Heather. Methinks you dipped into Meg Ryan's world just a wee bit. It's not the worst alleged plastic surgery I've seen, but that face is looking a little suspiciously poufy in some of the wrong places.
Extra unfortunate that the first commercial break right outta Heather's big debut was for the movie "Old Dogs".
I actually get very irritated when people say "I hate reality shows", because, well, some of 'em have paid my rent over the years. But, I shouldn't get angry, because what they really mean is they hate the shows starring those "famous for being famous" freaks that, unfortunately, have taken over my celeb fashion + gossip magazines.
Now, when I was a little kid I must admit I dreamed of fame, but not today's TMZ-ish "Look! She's blowing her nose in the airport!" type of notoriety. Nope, things were so innocent then. I just wanted to maybe belt out some tunes on stage and perhaps get to meet John Travolta.
Boy, dreams change.
Now, every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to be 'famous' and is dying to get on a reality show. Everyone's got one. I mean, how many more ideas are left? America's top mattress salesman is probably being pitched somewhere as we speak.
So it was no surprise when it came out that Richard Heene's faux balloon launch of son Falcon turned out to be his angle to get on tv. This was Richard's big ticket to ride the fame whore bandwagon. If this idiot's life long dream was to get a show on cable, good for him, but did he really have to drag his 6 year old down with him?
I was pretty incredulous watching Richard in interviews last week, trotting out the whole fam and soldiering on through the questions as Falcon puked into a bowl on live tv. Poor little Falcon. I know how you feel, buddy; I threw up in my mouth a little, too. And ironically, Richard probably got more fame juice out of this little stunt than he ever could've dreamed up, but just remember...
Everything that goes up, must come down. To think, a smart scientist like you forgot about the laws of gravity.
I mean, I bitched all summer about having nothing to watch. It was seriously the dregs. A re-run of Oprah picked up by my DVR was actually described as follows: "Dr. Mehmet Oz answers viewers' questions about bike seats, hot tubs and tight pants.".
Obviously, times have been tough, so I was pretty psyched that all the new programming was finally hitting the airwaves.
But, being the über busy gal I am, I had to have kind of a quickie cram session to catch last week's new stuff. It went something like this:
As painful as it was, I forced myself to zip through the premiere of The View co-hosted by Kate Gosselin. That is, until Kate said to Victoria Beckham something like "Oh, your marriage made it to ten years, unlike mine.". Um, yeah, you guys are the same.
DVR - Delete.
Then, it was onto Oprah's interview with Whitney, who now inexplicably is starting to sound like Marge Simpson. Stuck with that until the "Bobby Brown spit in my face" portion.
Delete.
Not really a Jay Leno person (go Team Dave!) but I had to at least watch the premiere in the interest of journalistic integrity. Ok, fine, he lucked out with Kanye West and even got him to cry. And Jerry Seinfeld would be hilarious reading the phone book. But basically, this is just the same show, earlier time...no thanks.
Delete.
So when I realized Sunday night contained the Emmy's, Mad Men AND Curb Your Enthusiasm, well, it became another DVR feeding frenzy.
**Spoilers**
But then all of my Emmy faves kept losing. Bupkis for Tina Fey? Or Julia Louis Dreyfus? Or Tracey Morgan? Or Neil Patrick Harris? Or Jack McBrayer? Or Elisabeth Moss? Or Jon Hamm? Really?
It's 09/09/09 and all I can think about is the 90's. What does that mean? Do I need to run out and get a lottery ticket?
Well, the new Melrose premiered last night and I approached it with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Would this remix bring me back to the days when I loved clunky shoes and could drink till all hours in smoky bars on a work night and still wake up fresh and perky?
Um, not really.
Now, to be fair, I watched a bit exhausted after a day of juggling a new job AND the symptoms of a possible case of swine flu. But, from what I could tell within my delirium, this is not your mama's Melrose.
*SPOILERS* I mean, sure, it's fun to see old pals Sydney and Michael (seriously, what facial products DO they use???), and it wasn't exactly a secret that Syd turns up dead in ep one. But turning Melrose into a season long murder mystery, which is where it seems to be headed, just doesn't do it for me. I don't CARE who killed her because I don't know any of these new people!
I'm going to give it a few episodes just to be sure I'm not writing it off too quick, but I'm sorry, I want what I want, and I want D&D Advertising back. I want Frisco Jones Dr. Peter Burns to perform ridiculous operations. Bring back Billy's awesomely wooden performances. (I always loved,BTW, how he was a combo account guy and creative at the ad agency. Seems like he could've made enough cash to have a bigger apartment with that big job.)
But, of course, no one had a bigger job than land lady/ad agency guru/world ruler Amanda Woodward! Melrose, get SPECIAL GUEST STAR Heather in there stat! Is that too much to ask?
I know, I know, you can't go home again. I should give the NEW Melrose a chance. I'm trying. I guess I just want the OLD 90's back.
Damn you Larry David! Now I have to suck it up and add HBO back to my recession-era downgraded cable. Guess it's a good time for me to catch up on Entourage, too.
Why, you ask? In case you haven't heard, the cast of Seinfeld is reuniting on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and over five luscious episodes, we'll get to follow Larry's show within a show as he attempts to stage, well, a Seinfeld reunion.
Curb Your Enthusiasm is one of those shows that I should watch but don't, like Rescue Me or 24. But since I'm pretty sure Jack Bauer won't cross paths with Jerry as he saves the world, I think I'll keep my late game bandwagon jumping to just this.
It's not a moment too soon, either. This has been the most boring tv summer I can remember, plus, I need to step away from the internet. All of my facebook-ing and symptom-searching on Google (do you have any idea how many things can be wrong with you if you type in fatigue?) has really cut into my tv viewing in a major way.
But Fall is just around the corner, which means there are other shows to get excited about, too! Most of these will be canceled right around the time I start to love them. That's usually the way it goes. A few to consider anyway:
Melrose Place Because, well, it's Melrose Place. Rumors abound that Heather Locklear's Amanda Woodward will return, but for now I'll be content with Sydney, Jane, Michael and even annoying Jo.
Accidentally on Purpose Jenna Elfman is a thirty-something who ends up preggers from a twenty-something. Chaos ensues! Now, I've never been a huge Jenna Elfman fan, but this looks mildly funny, like a season long "Knocked Up". Of course, on the downside, can this plot really hold up after season 1? I mean, how many "would rather hit the kegger but gotta feed the baby" jokes can it milk? Not so sure. Original Melrose alum Grant Show (Jake) is also a big part of it, so there's that.
The Good Wife Julianna Margulies is the wife of a disgraced politician, and is trying to rebuild her life. The cast includes both Chris Noth AND Josh Charles.
Done and Done. DVR season pass, check!
This should tide you over until at least Festivus.
The work-a-holic-ness continues, thus, so does the blog neglect (whimper), but I certainly couldn't let this week go by without mentioning how sad I am about the passing of John Hughes.
Perhaps by now, you've seen plenty of 'best of' statuses from fellow Facebookers or articles recalling some of your favorite quotes:
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
Demented and sad, but social.
His name is Blane? That a major appliance, not a name!
John Hughes, in his prime, was so important that the professor of my Human Development course at Umass screened "The Breakfast Club" in class as part of an overall analysis of high school archetypes. Of course, he could've just been a lazy teacher who loved movies, but I think he was right on to include it as part of our studies. Don't we all feel a little Molly Ringwald-ish at some point in our teens?
(Yes guys, this means you, too!)
With John Hughes' death, and my TWENTIETH high school reunion looming large before me, I am feeling oldie-olderson and super 80's nostalgic. I miss my hair being kind of awesomely huge. And I kind of want to chuck my Ipod for an Iroc. Too bad I begrudgingly threw out my Z. Cavaricci's years ago. My butt looked so good in those pants.
Hollywood is feelin' the 80's love, too. Though St. Elmo's Fire was not a John Hughes creation, it was certainly from that era, and word on the street is it's coming to ABC as a dramedy. When I heard this, I felt a mixture of glee and horror, sort of how I feel about the upcoming Melrose remix. I mean, with Melrose, there's the good (Sydney and Michael are back!), and bad (Ashlee Simpson as part of the cast? Really?).
I am remaining optimistic that St. Elmo's 2.0 could be sort of great, and now I kind of want to go on a Brat Pack bender of rentals. Bet you do, too.
Well, as usual, I digress. I just miss the 80's. And now I miss you, John Hughes. Thank you for making teen angst awesome.
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
Greetings from work-a-holic land! Do you feel neglected? Think I've forgotten about you? It isn't so. But for the duration of the summer, I am work, work, work-ing round the clock on a TLC show (so guess I'll table the Jon + Kate comments for now so as not to piss off the network that feeds me) and I've had no time for blogging.
But I've been thinking of you! A free association rundown of stuff that's popped into my head over the past month.
Michael Jackson I know my girl Oprah has been on vaca (thus the thousands of re-runs my DVR keeps picking up that are the same two themes: "How to live in the recession" and "How to look younger/thinner") but seriously, she couldn't come back from whatever castle she's staying at to do a show on MJ's passing? I know what you're thinking, do we really need any more coverage? CNN is already ALL MJ ALL THE TIME. But still...you just know she's coming back from holiday with Michael's besties rounded up. And I mean the big ones - Liz Taylor, Macaulay Culkin, that Webster kid...if I know O, it's gonna look like the set of the next Surreal Life.
I kinda can't wait. I know it's wrong.
Kate Winslet This is probably super old news, but I keep stumbling into these quotes and articles where Kate says how pissed she is that magazines airbrush her because she wants to keep it real.
Dear Magazine Editors, if I should ever become famous for some reason, please feel free to airbrush the crap out of me. Go nuts! Not interested in looking real whatsoever. xoxo Krista
What Not to Watch Man oh man, I mean, I know I've been busy, but there is NOTHING on. Nothing. I turned on 5 minutes of "Miami Social" on Bravo and it was the 5 most annoying, whiny moments in tv history. Don't go there, not even if you're a fan of that girl from the Apprentice that has surfaced on this show. And now that other Apprentice alum, Bill Rancic, and his wife, Giuliana (from E!) are doing a Newlyweds-ish show on Style?
Good luck kids. Hope the divorce lawyer is on speed dial.
Glimmers of Hope Only a few weeks till Mad Men. And, this week I'll at least be entertained by tuning in to the last 15 minutes of "The Bachelorette" just to see the most shocking whatever ever, even though I haven't watched for 95% of the season and even though NO WAY is that girl hot enough to have all those dudes fighting over her.
Speaking of desperation, should I watch "More to Love", the Bachelor for the plus sized?
Yeah, maybe it's best I'm too busy working on tv to actually watch it.
Dearest Hollywood, why do you have such a problem with Boston accents? You can pull off that British thing, no prob. I would swear Gwyneth was a Brit (though her pal Madonna...not so much, but I digress).
Yep, in general, other accents don't seem to give you much trouble. Ralph Fiennes was super scary in Schindler's list, and from what I can gather, his accent was spot on.
Ed "I'm Chuck Bass" Westwick rocks an American accent with ease on Gossip Girl, even though he's a Brit.
But the Boston wanna be's? They just can't do it. I just saw this trailer and was troubled once again:
Leo, Leo, Leo. I heart you, really, I do. But like many who have come before you, you cannot pull off the Boston accent. When I watch this trailer for Shutter Island, I...um, well...I shutter. It's like Robin Williams trying to match Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting and it's just not right. Unfortunately, only Matt Damon sounds Matt Damon-ish, and really, he and only a handful of other actors can do the Boston thing. This means Hollywood's hiring pool is sorta limited to Damon, Affleck and Marky Mark.
I'm not even going to get into all those David E. Kelly shows.
Surely, I must be wrong. Have I left out other proven candidates for future Boston-based movies or tv shows that won't come off sounding like Kennedy's on crack? Discuss as you pahk yawr cah.
I truly wanted to love Hammertime, the latest reality show that premiered last night on A&E. And yes, this was about MC Hammer himself, but not really in the "Where are they now/Behind the music-ish" way you might hope.
Sure there are the obligatory trips down memory lane to Hammer's former fame and fortune, like when spring cleaning results in "finding" some old memorabilia (really, Hammertime producers? Can you maybe stretch those creative muscles a teensy bit more?).
But the thing about Hammertime is that nothing really happens. Like, NOTHING. You know it's a bad sign when the first 10 minutes of the premiere are basically about the search for Hammer's missing cell phone...which is really just a plot machination to set up the reason for the spring cleaning, which is REALLY just to set up the reason to find the memorabilia. Sigh. I've been doing this way, way too long.
While one would hope there would be more heartfelt chatter about his past, like, how he blew through millions of dollars, instead there seems to be no end in sight to the endless opportunities to milk his catch phrases...i.e. "What time is it?". Crinnnnnnnnnge.
The other objective of this series seems to be to show the world that MC is super dad, which is great, except for the fact that it's just all rainbows and unicorns and happy all the time! Even the Brady Bunch had Marcia getting socked in the nose by that football once in awhile, ya know? On Hammertime, sure, there's a kid with some slipping grades, but it's all fixed and tied up with a bow by the end of the episode. Yawn.
MC Hammer aka Stanley Burrell seems like a nice enough fellow, so I wish him well. And I think those pants were kind of nifty.
But I'm sorry, as for the show...I just can't touch this.
Please fire your agent. I'm sorry Lipstick Jungle tanked, cuz I actually sort of liked it. Or maybe you're pissed you have to play Miley's MOM in Hannah Montana, but are things so bad that you had to make these Latisse commercials?
For those of you who haven't seen these ads, please indulge me and click here.
So, Latisse is some kind of freaky goop to rub on your eyelids that will (allegedly) grow fuller and darker lashes. Is this a void that needed to be filled in the marketplace? And before I get the letters from the sick people with no eyelashes, I'm not talking about people who've lost their eyelashes from disease. Nope. This is Brooke Shields, who lost them from years of tough-love beauty crap, like ripping off false eyelashes, and this ad is OBVIOUSLY targeted at the Botox generation. Plus, I mean, how is this not a Saturday Night Live skit?
After the voice-over chick ran down all the ways you might screw up your eyes from using this crap, I was waiting for her to caution that you might grow a leathery tail.
And I love how in this ad, Brooke is like at a party now because she has longer eyelashes, which is about as relevant as those herpes commercials where the couples are dancing on the beach and kayaking.
I've never quite understood how that works.
Also, why is she dancing with some dude that's not her husband? Is that her new and improved eyelash hubby?
As usual, I digress. Meanwhile, in other weird celeb endorsement news...
What's up with the fake kids in the Marcia Cross commercial for Mott's? It's like they all had their hair dyed the same L'Oreal Red #6. Although I am quite sure Marcia's lovely in real life, let's be honest - she always plays the crazies. Is this really who Mott's wants pretending to be all earth mother-y in their spots?
I refuse to write about the will-they-or-won't-they shenanigans of Spencer and Heidi on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!
It's not that I'm against some breezy summer tv, but I just can't let myself be lured into this unwatchable dreck AGAIN. And so, I don't care if Speidi come(s) back (Does one refer to plural grammar rules when referring to Speidi? I'm not sure. I digress...). With Speidi out of the picture for me, I've gone in search of some real summer-lovin'.
Tomorrow marks the debut of Royal Pains on USA. I am going to check it out. Maybe you should, too.
It stars Mark Feuerstein. He's one of THOSE actors, the kind that you know you've seen somewhere, but you're not sure where. To me, he'll always be the guy I used to see almost every morning at the Coffee Bean in West Hollywood. He seemed like a nice enough fellow, and once, when he was sitting at the next table from me as I was trying to be all cool Hollywood writer-ish with my laptop, I overheard his entire conversation and he was being really, really nice and helpful to some wanna-be actor. From that I've always decided he is nice and deserves our support. Plus, he was always smiley and unpretentious and from what I can remember, he used to shuffle in wearing pajama pants.
One the other hand, in researching this little ditty, I discovered he named his child Frisco Jones, so I do wonder about his sanity. Frisco JONES...as in the rocker/spy General Hospital Jack Wagner character. Is this really true? I need to know. Some might say it's ALL I NEED.
Wink, wink.
Anyhoo...the show looks harmless and fun and certainly worth a look. Plus, it's got Campbell Scott, who I haven't seen since the premature cancellation of Six Degrees. I'm glad he's on it, but is it just me or does he always get cast as a douche? Is douche an acceptable literary term? So many questions, so little time.
You can check out a clip below. Royal Pains premieres Thursday night on USA.
In an effort to be hip, I resorted to watching some of the MTV Movie Awards, but when it took me a minute or two to place High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens, I began to feel old. Cut me some slack though...this is an awards ceremony that not only nominated Bride Wars for an acting award (really, MTV?) but where MILEY CYRUS beat out Bruce Springsteen for best song from a movie.
It was at that point that I changed the channel and worried that the pop culture apocalypse was near.
Watching I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here the following night did nothing to ease these fears, but at least it made me feel a little better about myself. Seeing all of these "stars" with makeup-free faces greasier than if they were working the fry-o-later at Mickey D's gave me more joy than I anticipated.
Spencer and Heidi on the other hand...until last night, I'd prided myself on successfully avoiding The Hills and any affiliated nonsense.
Seeing those morons speak for the first time made me mad. Mad at them for being morons, mad at myself for being complicit with NBC's attempts to cater to the lowest common denominator, mad that I am indeed being sucked into Speidi's web of lies and tuning in to see if they quit the show or not.
And mad that I am now looking forward toThe Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight as a quasi-legitimate source of entertainment. What else am I gonna watch...the series finale of According to Jim?
Yep, still on the air (who knew?) and the info button reveals (*finale spoiler alert*) that Jim chokes on a shrimp puff.
I am trapped in the re-run and reality show desert. It's Thursday night and I want to time travel back to the 90's and watch Friends, Seinfeld and Clooney-era ER.
But alas, I cannot (well, technically I can if I watch TBS...but you know what I mean).
So, since I can't REALLY go back, I thought I'd look to the future and scoped out two upcoming ABC shows, Cougar Town, and Happy Town. ABC was also once home to the short-lived Molly Ringwald show Townies. Apparently, show naming is HARD.
ABC: also once home to Spin City.
Ok, I'll stop.
Anyway, here's a little sneak peak at Cougar Town: (And if you can't see the clip below, you can view it by clicking here:)
Here's the lowdown:
What's I Like It's from Exec Producer Bill Lawrence (Scrubs). If anyone is good at awkward comedy, it's him.
That is, of course, if you like that sort of thing.
And, Courtney Cox is good when she leaves the annoying side of Monica at home, but that brings me to...
What I Don't Like I see a little annoying Monica seeping in here. Also, less pratfalls please. Unless you're Lucille Ball, that kind of humor is almost impossible to pull off and kind of annoying.
Verdict Has potential, though it seems like the kind of show I start to like, only to have it get sent to Friday Night Death Row. Remember me, Lipstick Jungle and Six Degrees? Sigh.
Now, onto Happy Town, which you can watch by clicking here if you cannot see the clip below:
What I Like As I watch this clip, it's like my favorite game of NAME THAT RANDOM ACTOR!!! October Road heartthrob Geoff Stults is now some kind of sheriff-y guy; the desk dude from ER looks like he is also a long arm of the law; that old lady that was a creepy stalker of Gabby and Carlos on Desperate Housewives pops up, too, along with the dude that was the lead OTHER on LOST, sticking to what he knows best....creepy.
What I Don't Like What is this about, exactly?
Verdict Jury's out if this will be the next Twin Peaks (like they are advertising) or if it will be Pushing Daisies.
No, I did not drink last night, but I am still recovering from the major BUMMER STORM that was Jon + Kate Plus 8. Now, I know what you're thinking - didn't she just say yesterday that she wasn't going to cave and watch it?
Boredom's a bitch.
Well, that and the gravitational pull from all the Facebook status updates imploring me to tune in.
Now, I have never, ever seen this show. I do not know what the appeal of it is/was supposed to be, though I suspect it's mainly in seeing the super cute kids x 8 say adorable things as they get into hijinks. But man oh man, that is not what last night's episode was about.
The bulk of the ep contained alternating interviews with Jon and Kate seemingly alluding to, but, it should be noted, never actually saying how much they hate each other. This was depressing in proportions so epic, I could've watched a movie marathon of Schindler's List, Leaving Las Vegas and Terms of Endearment (maybe a doc on puppy mills, too) and still felt better. Seriously! This was like an infomercial for misery!
Again, I must openly confess I have never seen this show, so maybe this unfortunate random sampling is not the norm, but I found a disturbing contrast between Jon, who seemed like a hostage, and Kate, who was just a wee bit she-doth-protest-too-loudly-ish about hating all the tabloid attention. Jon, it's ok if you were cavorting in bars at 2am...that bee-otch would drive me to drink, too.
Well, I gave it a shot but I like my reality TV the same way I like my comfort food: cheesy and easy.
Real Housewives of New Jersey, who knew you would suddenly become my beacons of hope?
The finales are over. It's not quite summer. The premiere of Mad Men Season 3, is far, far away, and I still don't have a job.
What's a girl to do to pass the time?
I'll tell ya what she shouldn't do. She should NOT watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but of course, that is exactly what I did.
I've resisted all the other incarnations of this franchise, because I've realllllly grown weary of these attention-whore populated reality shows, but still, when a friend told me it was HIGH-larious, I caved.
Is it entertaining? Of course, in a very SNL version of the Sopranos kind of way. Are the women on the program appalling? Totally, especially that creepy plastic-faced one, Danielle. Do I think I'll watch it again?
Um, probably.
Fine, judge me all you want! But, I'm not working and quite frankly as guilty pleasures go, this one's like Cheez Whiz wrapped in bacon. On top of a Dorito. With some Cheetos on the side.
Hmm, maybe I'm just hungry.
Anyway, this is pure camp. The most vapid, McMansion-filled, bad for Jerzzzzzzzey hour of television, ever. Cat fights? Check. Big hair? Check. Bad Accents? Like, oh my gawd, check.
In other words, set your DVR.
Judge me if you want to, but in my defense, at least I did not fall prey to the marketing machine that is Jon and Kate plus their publicists 8. However, if YOU want to, the season premiere is tonight on TLC.
Look at you, CW Network, becoming all hip and trendy!
If you haven't been paying attention, this is a big week in television, The Upfronts. This is where (hopefully) eager advertisers get a peak at the Fall season and are enticed to part with what's left of their ad budgets to put behind the BIG shows coming up.
The CW, once a poor man's Fox Network, is not so suddenly like, the hippest cat on the dial.
Gossip Girl is of course back on the sked for Season 3 (duh) as is One Tree Hill. America's Top Model? Also back. And the new 90210? Still going.
As for the new stuff...no doubt cashing in on the wild success of the Twilight series, The Vampire Diaries will take a bite out of Thursdays.
In an interesting move, CW has eliminated ALL SITCOMS.
So on that note, I present to you teaser clips for two of their new shows. With the sitcom ban in place, I assume these are not meant to be funny.
First, The Beautiful Life is produced by Ashton Kutcher (WTF?) and stars Mischa Barton in a big acting stretch as a bitchy model. Check it out:
But of course, I know you only care a little about the models. You want to know the fate of the new Melrose Place, which incidentally, will air right after 90210 come Fall. I have no clue why Sydney (Laura Leighton) has become so whispery and breathy in this clip, and I'm not super psyched about the network's press release calling her "still beautiful at 40" (thanks a lot CW...I'll be off to get some Botox now...) but I did enjoy the surprising star who pops up at the end, who, like Laura Leighton, appears to have been cryogenically frozen since Melrose 1.0 went off the air in '99.
Some more fun facts: the pilot was directed by Davis Guggenheim; you may know him for his super cool musem-y name or his famous film, "An Inconvenient Truth"; I know him as Elisabeth Shue's hubby. That's Elisabeth SHUE...as in ANDREW SHUE'S sister. Can a Billy Campbell appearance be far behind?
And speaking of random nepotism-ish stories, the blonde chick that pops up at 1:51 in this clip (who is also the brown haired star on Harper's Island) is the daughter of David Cassidy. As in, "I Think I Love You".
Yes, I finally got to check out the finale (albeit by watching it On Demand where fast forward was disabled and I was FORCED to watch the ads. What desperate tactics, ABC!).
It's not exactly a big secret that T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl were likely headed out the door, but I have to admit, the George twist threw me for a loop. Not the Army twist - the second they rolled in the kid who wanted his leg chopped off, I just knew Georgie was headed to Iraq. But somehow, someway, I never saw it coming that John Doe was George. I had forgotten that George's nickname was 007, and so when Meredith exclaimed "Oh God!" upon realizing John Doe=George, I was all "What's going on?", in a really non-aware idiot way, kind of how I was years ago at the end of the Sixth Sense when the whole theater was gasping "Bruce Willis is dead!" and I'm kinda focused on how yummy peanut M&M's are with popcorn and not really catching the twist.
Anyhoo, kind of a cool twist, though I didn't so much...care.
As for Izzy...as I predicted, we ended with a "Will she or won't she make it?" scene, complete with monitor shot. Told ya so!
I will probably still watch next season, but Shonda Rhimes better pull a rabbit out of her hat because this show seems to have jumped the shark around the time Izzy cut Denny's LVAD wire. Shonda's got her work cut out for her, because I think we've used up all the Seattle Grace employees-as-patients we can handle. Perhaps not so shockingly, I have some requests.
Please give Meredith and Derek something to do, other than getting fake-married.
And please, no more fake Denny.
And please, please, no more fake Burke...I'm talking to you, weirdo, emotionally unavailable Christina Yang love interest fake-killer guy. Ew.
I'm not sure why I always find myself traveling every finale week, but here I am again, away from home, and away from my trusty TV. My DVR is currently holding my finale episode of Grey's Anatomy hostage while I try and avoid any spoilers until my return. Just one more day until I finally see (or don't see) what becomes of Katherine Heigl.
Speaking of *spoilers*, here's a few comin' at ya, so beware in case you, too, have a DVR holding your beloved season-ender hostage.
BTW, I should mention that I didn't even bother writing about the Brothers and Sisters finale before I left because it was just so damn boring. No one in peril, no freaky fires, no more William Walker relatives...nuthin'. Just a hint that maybe that girl who used to be Justin's sister (but is now, ew, his fiance) may secretly be nutzo. Yawn. No, I don't care if Rob Lowe and Calista Flockhart's characters are or are not together, or if Calista/Kitty/whoever hooks up with that totally vanilla guy from the park.
Now, I did manage to squeeze in Desperate Housewives while I was away and...well, that was some decent finale-ing. Not mind blowing stuff, mind you, but I give it a solid B, which brings us to, of course...
The Good Lynette's surprise pregnancy? Priceless. And, I love the idea of Bree with Karl (Richard Burgi is so great as a slimeball, and I'm still catching up with his character and the goings-on at Harper's Island. More on that soon). I hope to see more of their dance next season. Very Sam and Diane-ish.
The Bad RE: Carlos's niece coming to live with Gaby and Carlos. I dunno, I mean... the random relative (or fake relative, who knows) that comes to live in order to shake things up? Isn't that sort of a been-there-done-that plot device? Haven't we been doing this since the arrival of cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch?? Snoozy.
The Cliffhanger I am so glad we have (hopefully) seen the last of Dave. Man that guy was creepy. And nice job, Desperate Housewives, with the "Who did Mike marry?" tease. Dear lord, I hope it's not Katherine. There has not been a couple with this little chemistry since Mr. and Mrs. Roper.
Now, the only cliffhanger HERE is whether or not I force myself to sit through The Bachelorette premiere tonight...
