Don't Tell Josh Six Degrees is Dead!

So, Six Degrees is back, and it's actually better. Dare I say I sorta liked it? Sadly, the ratings were far from stellar, probably because ABC has spent all of their ad dollars on Dancing with the Stars. I was a little perplexed by ABC's casting of Jason Lewis as Whitney (Bridget Moynahan)'s love interest this week - is he or his agent sleeping with someone at ABC? Just wondering. I mean, he's already a semi-regular on Brothers and Sisters, they couldn't find another hot guy to fill this slot?? Also, is it just me or is something wrong with his face now, like he's been in the sun for 100 years or something? Anyhoo, I digress...

Josh Charles is joining the cast in what seems to be an effort to save the show. Not that I don't love Josh: great in Dead Poets, classically great in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (why so many 'dead' shows?....I digress again). Now, Josh is a fine addition, but he's not really a "Heather Locklear lucky charm" type if ya know what I mean....Well Josh, I wish you the best of luck in saving this show regardless, as I think it has potential.


Filing under the "I should run the network" category...why not some advertising that bites off that six degrees concept with a viral campaign encouraging folks to 'tell a friend' - you know, like that shampoo commercial did in the 70's. You'll tell two friends, and she'll tell two friends, and so on and so on and so on...

I want this to be good!

Coming soon, well, in May, it's USA's mini-series of the book "The Starter Wife". I want this to be good in a deliciously decadent, soapy kind of guilty pleasure way. However, I am worried that USA is billing this as a 6 hour "event". I hear '6 hour event', I think Masterpiece Theater, characters on horseback with swords drawn, not camp about rich Hollywood wives. Also, while I'm on a marketing-questioning rant...the promos department seems to have chosen the same music E! used to death during awards season for all of their red carpet coverage. Pick something else! Please you advertising types - Watch tv! Be aware! Be ORIGINAL!!! By the way, in this series, Debra Messing will take on the title role and attempt to break out of her "Grace" character image by playing a character named, um...Gracie.

Ballroom Blitz

America, what is WRONG with you? How could you send home Paulina Porizkova first on Dancing with the Stars last night? She was cute, self-deprecating and just overall fun to watch. Why why why would you not send home stuffy, plastic, boring Leeza Gibbons? Are you the same people that are voting for Sanjaya on AI...or George W? For shame, for shame.

And while we're talking about shame, I understand that competition shows tend to streeeeeeeetch out the results, but last night was beyond bloated and useless. The recap show wasn't so much a recap as a re-run, and then after a full hour of that rehash, it's ANOTHER hour of stretched out results? Well, it wasn't a total loss. At least we got to see that Dionne Warwick's still kicking around....

Sclemeel, schlemazel

The rumors are (allegedly) true!

TV Land is developing a scripted buddy comedy starring Penny "Laverne" Marshall and Cindy "Shirley" Williams.

They are also developing a show where stars of famous old shows must go do the ACTUAL job they were famous for on the show, i.e. Loni Anderson of WKRP goes to work at a radio station or Harry Anderson of Night Court goes to work in the legal system.

Funny executions of this idea I'd like to see:
Ann B. Davis "Alice" goes to work as a live-in maid for a blended family with a show-tune lovin' dad.

Not so funny executions of this idea I would NOT like to see:
Alan Alda "Hawkeye" goes to war....

Why I Should Run the TV (Web) Universe

Why are so many network execs so stupid?!?! A recent visit to the HBO website reveals a teeny tiny blurb that the Sopranos comes back April 8th. And, you have to search to find out that Entourage comes back the same night. Now, I know they are more focused on promoting "Rome" at the moment, but, seriously, let's face it...there's MANY of us out there that ain't dusting off our HBO subscriptions till the Sopranos comes back. Plus, they should really be hyping the hell out of the upcoming Jerry Seinfeld Comedy Special...even if it is hosted inexplicably by not so wild-n-crazy Anderson Cooper.

Now we move onto ABC's website. Last week was supposed to be a repeat of Grey's, then at the last minute, it became a new episode. Now, it simply says "the next episode has not yet been scheduled". Um, seriously?

I dare you to name one show on Oxygen besides Tori and Dean: Inn Love. Did you actually even KNOW what network this was on? Again, a tiny blurb about their only recognizable enterprise...ok, the Janice Dickinson train wreck notwithstanding. Maybe Oxygen isn't hyping Tori's show enough because it is so god awful. Sorry, Tori, I wanted to like it. I'll give you one more try this week but it ain't looking good.

Oh, and back to ABC (holy ADD)...you're not exactly doing much on your site (or anywhere) to alert people Six Degrees is back, and on a new night, no less. Bridget Moynahan's scandalous pregnancy from Patriots hottie Tom Brady is the best happy accident (excuse the pun) publicity you could hope for....now exploit it!!!!

Reality-Palooza

Oh, where to begin. Well, we must start with just a few free association thoughts on "Dancing with the Stars". First, love the attempts to try to make these B-listers (C-list-ers? D-list-ers?) credible . Leeza Gibbons described as a "NEWS journalist". NEWS? Bob Woodruff is a news journalist. Leeza Gibbons reports about J-Lo's latest husband. Heather Mills as a "charity campaigner". Ahem. Yes, that's exactly how she's usually described...especially in the British press. Shandi Fennesey described winning Miss USA as the "highlight of her life". It's good to have big dreams.

I love live tv. Not only did Joey Fatone spend most of his dance with his mike precariously swinging from his hip, which was acknowledged, but is it JUST ME or did the camera guy almost take him out at the end. This is why God invented DVR. Runner up live tv moment: Billy Ray Cyrus getting tangled up in his partner's mullet wig.

Joey's the fave right now. Send Leeza home. What a snooze fest she was. And yes, Heather's leg is still on.

THE BACHELOR: OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN
ABC started running promos for the next Bachelor. Only, now it's called The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman. Sorry, but this looked BORRRing. The best promos they could could come up with are a few (requisite) shirtless shots of Bachelor Boy and the girls oohing and ahhing. Where's the crazy? Where's the catfights? And why are they throwing in a theme of a movie from 25 years ago? Are they finding all the bachelorettes in factories? Just to make it worse, rumor has it all the shows are 90 mins. ABC, the ratings for this show have been less than stellar. 90 mins? This is the worst idea since they stretched the Today Show to 4 hours and we've been forced to endure 20 makeover segments a day just to fill the time.

LAST BUT NOT "INN" THE LEAST
Tonight's the debut of TORI AND DEAN: INN LOVE. Here's a little note to the network: first, if you're going to debut your only potentially watchable show, and you're going to put it in a crappy time slot (10:30pm), maybe you should also update the schedule on your website, so people realize the "Bad Girls Club" marathon lead-in does indeed end at 10:30 to bring us the Tori and Dean antics. Thanks.

I'm Just Not That Into You

October Road has premiered, and the jury's out. It's kind of like that guy you date, and you think, why can't I fall in love with him? He's cute, he's nice to me, my friends like him...but he's only good on paper. All the elements are there for October Road, too: the good looking people, the groovy soundtrack, the soap-opera-y plots...but somehow, I just don't have the butterflies...yet. But every girl knows you should always give a nice guy a second chance, so I'll see you next week, October Road, but you better bring your A-game.

The Good, The Bad, and the Cameo

First the GOOD news: Finally, Grey's is back!!! Literally and figuratively, it's the show I used to love!

Now, the bad news: Grey's is a repeat next week!!! Why, why must you tease me so? You spend a special hour with me, lure me back in, then cast me aside. Damn you!

Oh, and the cameo? Yes that scandalous new doc, Colin Marlowe, was played by Roger Rees...whose name you might know because he inhabited the place where EVERYBODY knows your name...Cheers! He was Robin Colcord, the millionaire Rebecca Howe (Kirstie Alley, pre-Jenny Craig) once pined after.

The Comeback Kids...Maybe?

WHO WILL BE FIRST TO EMERGE WITH A FULL ON, RISE FROM THE ASHES, COMEBACK?

Will it be Whitney? She's got Clive Davis on her side, she's recording a new album, and she's dropped the Bobby baggage.

Will it be Britney? Only if the press leaves this poor kid alone. That's right. I said it. I feel BAD FOR BRITNEY! But if she could just get away from the paparazzi for a few months, all would be well with the world. Disappear until the VMA's, then make a spectacularly fabulous comeback. Come on, Brit Brit, I know you've got it in you.






Will it be Corey? Ok, I just threw this last one in for fun. I needed another singer ending in "ey". Plus, I'm like, totally beside myself because I read he was approached to star in Back to the Future BEFORE Michael J. Fox back in the 80's. No word on how Eric Stolz feels about this. Corey Hart, where ARE you, and are you STILL wearing your sunglasses at night?????

Rolling Rock

30 Rock is coming back from hiatus sooner than first reported. It's now scheduled to return April 5th...and it's SUPER SIZED! Tasty! Now if NBC could just stop moving the day and time that it's on, someone besides me might actually see it...

The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

During this blah re-run tv phase (well, except LOST, which just FEELS like
re-runs), it's only inevitable that the networks are going to pull out all the stops to get you to watch their next big show. However, imagine my surprise when I received my US Magazine in the mail this week. ABC has placed an advertising insert for Dancing with the Stars that can best be described as a dancer's ASS covered with an ACTUAL tassel! I'm all for inventive marketing ploys, but this just seems like the biggest waste of money EVER. ABC, you can just sit back and stop spending your money on ads, cuz you've got all the free publicity you need with Heather Mills yapping about her leg potentially flying off during a dance. All aboard the Train Wreck TV Express!!!!

Star Treks to Cable

You thought it was safe. Just when you were starting to really enjoy the time you spend watching Rosie beat down Elizabeth on The View each day...Star Jones is baaack. Fear not, this is not a return to The View, but she IS hosting a new daytime talk show on Court TV. See, now she's got glasses. On this show she's gonna be "Smart Star". Not to be confused with her persona on The View: "Egomaniacal Freebie-Grubbin' Loudmouth" Star. No word on whether this show will be sponsored by Payless, or if she and Al will renew their vows on the first episode.

Last chance for Must See TV

Remember sitcoms? Those things that used to make you laugh before every show required its own spreadsheet to keep track of all the characters and their intermingled lives? 30 Rock is freaking hilarious. Why are you not watching? Tune in Thursday at 9:30p, cuz after this week it's curtains until April 26th to make way for a trial run of a new Andy Richter show. No excuses. Grey's is a repeat! Besides, don't you have a DVR?????

What About Brian? Deathwatch

Barry Watson, a.k.a. "Brian" has cut his signature locks short. Barry, Barry, Barry, did you learn NOTHING from Felicity? Not even Tiffany can save you now....

Luck Be a Lady

It was said that Aaron Spelling thought Heather Locklear was his 'lucky penny', because anytime he brought her onto a show, it was a hit. It was also said that every time Ted "Jump the Shark" McGinley is brought onto a show, that seems to signal its demise. The jury is out which way the tv gods will rule on Tiffani "don't call me Amber" Thiessen. On the one hand, she held her own on 90210. On the other, she didn't exactly do anything to stop the bleeding on Good Morning, Miami. Now she's been brought on to add some sizzle to "What About Brian?" Will YOU start watching?

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind...

Wouldn't the world be a swell place if this man ran for office???

Sign of the Apocalypse

ABC has decided to develop a pilot about...the Cavemen from the Geico ads. I haven't heard a pilot idea this bad since I heard Matthew Perry almost missed out on "Friends" because he had commited first to "L.A.X. 2194"...a show about baggage handlers at Los Angeles International Airport in the year 2194. Do you think I make this stuff up???




SIGNS THAT THERE'S STILL HOPE:
Michael Vartan has also been signed by ABC, for a different pilot about...well who really cares. It's about time this guy got his own show. This guy has done more than just have an alleged affair with Jennifer Garner. He is meant to be a BIG STAH! This pilot is being directed by Charles MacDougall, who directed some of the best Sex and the City "Carrie's BIG AFFAIR" episodes. Full season order please!!!!

Are these people ever coming back???

Remember the Sopranos? Do you remember where they left off? Do you care? They are finally returning (allegedly) on April 8th. I am going on record now (some of you have heard this from me already): I predict Adriana is still alive. When Silvio shot her, they never showed her afterwards. I think he fired a false shot, and let her escape. You heard it here first: she's in hiding. I think. Besides, what the hell else has she got going on...a Joey reunion?