A Little Gravy

Get ready, kids. 'Tis the season for every holiday themed special, movie, and surely a few 'very special' episodes of your favorite comedy or drama. Or both. I dare you to make it to January 1 without a glimpse of "Miracle on 34th Street", "Christmas Story" or "Christmas Vacation".



But wait a minute. Why does Thanksgiving always get the shaft?

Now OF COURSE, I'm not forgetting one of the greatest movies of ALL TIME, "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", but the pickings are slim after that. Soon, you might tune your flat screen to the annual Yule Log, but I am almost positive that on Thursday you won't gather by the warm glow of the Turkey-basting channel while you sing Thanksgiving carols.

But don't worry, mama's gotcha covered. I did some digging, tugged on a wishbone, and found you a little sampler platter of my favorite Turkey day classics to feed you with.

Will and Grace "A Moveable Feast" I love this episode. Will, Grace, Karen and Jack agree to go their respective families...for about 20 minutes each (complete with a timer). Admit it, a 20 minute limit on YOUR holiday gathering could do wonders to eliminate some of those Riunite-fueled fights over the remote on Thursday. Catch this way-funnier-than-your-Thanksgiving episode on Lifetime Tuesday night at 11pm.


Friends "The One Where Ross Got High" Friends is actually pretty good about actually DOING Thanksgiving eps, and this is the one where Rachel tries to make a trifle. There were many other funny ones to pick from, but Rachel accidentally combining meat and whipped cream when she thinks she is following a recipe faithfully sorta seems like something I would do, so this one's my pick. TBS at 5pm on Thursday


Cheers "Thanksgiving Orphans" This one's definitely worth catching (or at least DVR'ing - the only place I could find it is on the Hallmark channel at 2am on Friday) not just for the food fight at the end, but for a glimpse of Norm's mysterious wife, Vera...though her face is obscured in mashed potatoes. Aw, shucks.


Hope YOU are traveling to a place where everybody knows your name on Thursday.

Gobble, Gobble!

The Bitch is Back

No, not me silly! But, I've missed you, too.

Heather Locklear is back on Melrose Place. Let's party like it's 1999!

Hopefully, a little La Locklear can give a shot in the arm to this slowly dying series. I have only been mildly paying attention since its premiere, and I guess the producers know I'm not the only one. Every week's recaps go so far back you could start watching today and you will be caught up in 90 seconds (which BTW doesn't speak too well of the intricacies of the plot).

The premiere Heather Locklear ep of the NEW (but let's face it, not necessarily improved) Melrose had its highs and lows.

The Highs: God bless her for still pulling off those miniskirts at almost 50. In a related story, I am totally investigating Pilates tomorrow, and never eating carbs again.

And, she's still pulling off those icy zingers like she used to and it's still just as ridiculously cheesy. And as fun.

The Lows: Oh dear, Heather. Methinks you dipped into Meg Ryan's world just a wee bit. It's not the worst alleged plastic surgery I've seen, but that face is looking a little suspiciously poufy in some of the wrong places.

Extra unfortunate that the first commercial break right outta Heather's big debut was for the movie "Old Dogs".

Meow.

Falcon's Crest

I actually get very irritated when people say "I hate reality shows", because, well, some of 'em have paid my rent over the years. But, I shouldn't get angry, because what they really mean is they hate the shows starring those "famous for being famous" freaks that, unfortunately, have taken over my celeb fashion + gossip magazines.

Now, when I was a little kid I must admit I dreamed of fame, but not today's TMZ-ish "Look! She's blowing her nose in the airport!" type of notoriety. Nope, things were so innocent then. I just wanted to maybe belt out some tunes on stage and perhaps get to meet John Travolta.

Boy, dreams change.

Now, every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to be 'famous' and is dying to get on a reality show. Everyone's got one. I mean, how many more ideas are left? America's top mattress salesman is probably being pitched somewhere as we speak.

So it was no surprise when it came out that Richard Heene's faux balloon launch of son Falcon turned out to be his angle to get on tv. This was Richard's big ticket to ride the fame whore bandwagon. If this idiot's life long dream was to get a show on cable, good for him, but did he really have to drag his 6 year old down with him?

I was pretty incredulous watching Richard in interviews last week, trotting out the whole fam and soldiering on through the questions as Falcon puked into a bowl on live tv. Poor little Falcon. I know how you feel, buddy; I threw up in my mouth a little, too. And ironically, Richard probably got more fame juice out of this little stunt than he ever could've dreamed up, but just remember...

Everything that goes up, must come down. To think, a smart scientist like you forgot about the laws of gravity.

Pu Pu Platter

I mean, I bitched all summer about having nothing to watch. It was seriously the dregs. A re-run of Oprah picked up by my DVR was actually described as follows: "Dr. Mehmet Oz answers viewers' questions about bike seats, hot tubs and tight pants.".

Obviously, times have been tough, so I was pretty psyched that all the new programming was finally hitting the airwaves.

But, being the über busy gal I am, I had to have kind of a quickie cram session to catch last week's new stuff. It went something like this:

As painful as it was, I forced myself to zip through the premiere of The View co-hosted by Kate Gosselin. That is, until Kate said to Victoria Beckham something like "Oh, your marriage made it to ten years, unlike mine.". Um, yeah, you guys are the same.

DVR - Delete.

Then, it was onto Oprah's interview with Whitney, who now inexplicably is starting to sound like Marge Simpson. Stuck with that until the "Bobby Brown spit in my face" portion.

Delete.

Not really a Jay Leno person (go Team Dave!) but I had to at least watch the premiere in the interest of journalistic integrity. Ok, fine, he lucked out with Kanye West and even got him to cry. And Jerry Seinfeld would be hilarious reading the phone book. But basically, this is just the same show, earlier time...no thanks.

Delete.

So when I realized Sunday night contained the Emmy's, Mad Men AND Curb Your Enthusiasm, well, it became another DVR feeding frenzy.

**Spoilers**

But then all of my Emmy faves kept losing. Bupkis for Tina Fey? Or Julia Louis Dreyfus? Or Tracey Morgan? Or Neil Patrick Harris? Or Jack McBrayer? Or Elisabeth Moss? Or Jon Hamm? Really?

Delete.

To the Nines

It's 09/09/09 and all I can think about is the 90's. What does that mean? Do I need to run out and get a lottery ticket?

Well, the new Melrose premiered last night and I approached it with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Would this remix bring me back to the days when I loved clunky shoes and could drink till all hours in smoky bars on a work night and still wake up fresh and perky?

Um, not really.

Now, to be fair, I watched a bit exhausted after a day of juggling a new job AND the symptoms of a possible case of swine flu. But, from what I could tell within my delirium, this is not your mama's Melrose.

*SPOILERS*
I mean, sure, it's fun to see old pals Sydney and Michael (seriously, what facial products DO they use???), and it wasn't exactly a secret that Syd turns up dead in ep one. But turning Melrose into a season long murder mystery, which is where it seems to be headed, just doesn't do it for me. I don't CARE who killed her because I don't know any of these new people!

I'm going to give it a few episodes just to be sure I'm not writing it off too quick, but I'm sorry, I want what I want, and I want D&D Advertising back. I want Frisco Jones Dr. Peter Burns to perform ridiculous operations. Bring back Billy's awesomely wooden performances. (I always loved,BTW, how he was a combo account guy and creative at the ad agency. Seems like he could've made enough cash to have a bigger apartment with that big job.)

But, of course, no one had a bigger job than land lady/ad agency guru/world ruler Amanda Woodward! Melrose, get SPECIAL GUEST STAR Heather in there stat! Is that too much to ask?

I know, I know, you can't go home again. I should give the NEW Melrose a chance. I'm trying. I guess I just want the OLD 90's back.

Jerry, you're up next. Don't let me down.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

Damn you Larry David! Now I have to suck it up and add HBO back to my recession-era downgraded cable. Guess it's a good time for me to catch up on Entourage, too.

Why, you ask? In case you haven't heard, the cast of Seinfeld is reuniting on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and over five luscious episodes, we'll get to follow Larry's show within a show as he attempts to stage, well, a Seinfeld reunion.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is one of those shows that I should watch but don't, like Rescue Me or 24. But since I'm pretty sure Jack Bauer won't cross paths with Jerry as he saves the world, I think I'll keep my late game bandwagon jumping to just this.

It's not a moment too soon, either. This has been the most boring tv summer I can remember, plus, I need to step away from the internet. All of my facebook-ing and symptom-searching on Google (do you have any idea how many things can be wrong with you if you type in fatigue?) has really cut into my tv viewing in a major way.

But Fall is just around the corner, which means there are other shows to get excited about, too! Most of these will be canceled right around the time I start to love them. That's usually the way it goes. A few to consider anyway:

Melrose Place Because, well, it's Melrose Place. Rumors abound that Heather Locklear's Amanda Woodward will return, but for now I'll be content with Sydney, Jane, Michael and even annoying Jo.

Accidentally on Purpose Jenna Elfman is a thirty-something who ends up preggers from a twenty-something. Chaos ensues! Now, I've never been a huge Jenna Elfman fan, but this looks mildly funny, like a season long "Knocked Up". Of course, on the downside, can this plot really hold up after season 1? I mean, how many "would rather hit the kegger but gotta feed the baby" jokes can it milk? Not so sure. Original Melrose alum Grant Show (Jake) is also a big part of it, so there's that.

The Good Wife Julianna Margulies is the wife of a disgraced politician, and is trying to rebuild her life. The cast includes both Chris Noth AND Josh Charles.

Done and Done. DVR season pass, check!

This should tide you over until at least Festivus.

Don't You (Forget About Me)

The work-a-holic-ness continues, thus, so does the blog neglect (whimper), but I certainly couldn't let this week go by without mentioning how sad I am about the passing of John Hughes.

Perhaps by now, you've seen plenty of 'best of' statuses from fellow Facebookers or articles recalling some of your favorite quotes:

Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

Demented and sad, but social.

His name is Blane? That a major appliance, not a name!

John Hughes, in his prime, was so important that the professor of my Human Development course at Umass screened "The Breakfast Club" in class as part of an overall analysis of high school archetypes. Of course, he could've just been a lazy teacher who loved movies, but I think he was right on to include it as part of our studies. Don't we all feel a little Molly Ringwald-ish at some point in our teens?

(Yes guys, this means you, too!)

With John Hughes' death, and my TWENTIETH high school reunion looming large before me, I am feeling oldie-olderson and super 80's nostalgic. I miss my hair being kind of awesomely huge. And I kind of want to chuck my Ipod for an Iroc. Too bad I begrudgingly threw out my Z. Cavaricci's years ago. My butt looked so good in those pants.

Hollywood is feelin' the 80's love, too. Though St. Elmo's Fire was not a John Hughes creation, it was certainly from that era, and word on the street is it's coming to ABC as a dramedy. When I heard this, I felt a mixture of glee and horror, sort of how I feel about the upcoming Melrose remix. I mean, with Melrose, there's the good (Sydney and Michael are back!), and bad (Ashlee Simpson as part of the cast? Really?).

I am remaining optimistic that St. Elmo's 2.0 could be sort of great, and now I kind of want to go on a Brat Pack bender of rentals. Bet you do, too.

Well, as usual, I digress. I just miss the 80's. And now I miss you, John Hughes. Thank you for making teen angst awesome.



We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Hello kiddies!

Greetings from work-a-holic land! Do you feel neglected? Think I've forgotten about you? It isn't so. But for the duration of the summer, I am work, work, work-ing round the clock on a TLC show (so guess I'll table the Jon + Kate comments for now so as not to piss off the network that feeds me) and I've had no time for blogging.

But I've been thinking of you! A free association rundown of stuff that's popped into my head over the past month.

Michael Jackson I know my girl Oprah has been on vaca (thus the thousands of re-runs my DVR keeps picking up that are the same two themes: "How to live in the recession" and "How to look younger/thinner") but seriously, she couldn't come back from whatever castle she's staying at to do a show on MJ's passing? I know what you're thinking, do we really need any more coverage? CNN is already ALL MJ ALL THE TIME. But still...you just know she's coming back from holiday with Michael's besties rounded up. And I mean the big ones - Liz Taylor, Macaulay Culkin, that Webster kid...if I know O, it's gonna look like the set of the next Surreal Life.

I kinda can't wait. I know it's wrong.

Kate Winslet This is probably super old news, but I keep stumbling into these quotes and articles where Kate says how pissed she is that magazines airbrush her because she wants to keep it real.

Dear Magazine Editors, if I should ever become famous for some reason, please feel free to airbrush the crap out of me. Go nuts! Not interested in looking real whatsoever. xoxo Krista

What Not to Watch Man oh man, I mean, I know I've been busy, but there is NOTHING on. Nothing. I turned on 5 minutes of "Miami Social" on Bravo and it was the 5 most annoying, whiny moments in tv history. Don't go there, not even if you're a fan of that girl from the Apprentice that has surfaced on this show. And now that other Apprentice alum, Bill Rancic, and his wife, Giuliana (from E!) are doing a Newlyweds-ish show on Style?

Good luck kids. Hope the divorce lawyer is on speed dial.

Glimmers of Hope Only a few weeks till Mad Men. And, this week I'll at least be entertained by tuning in to the last 15 minutes of "The Bachelorette" just to see the most shocking whatever ever, even though I haven't watched for 95% of the season and even though NO WAY is that girl hot enough to have all those dudes fighting over her.

Speaking of desperation, should I watch "More to Love", the Bachelor for the plus sized?

Yeah, maybe it's best I'm too busy working on tv to actually watch it.

Hill of Beans

Dearest Hollywood, why do you have such a problem with Boston accents? You can pull off that British thing, no prob. I would swear Gwyneth was a Brit (though her pal Madonna...not so much, but I digress).

Yep, in general, other accents don't seem to give you much trouble. Ralph Fiennes was super scary in Schindler's list, and from what I can gather, his accent was spot on.

Ed "I'm Chuck Bass" Westwick rocks an American accent with ease on Gossip Girl, even though he's a Brit.

But the Boston wanna be's? They just can't do it. I just saw this trailer and was troubled once again:



Leo, Leo, Leo. I heart you, really, I do. But like many who have come before you, you cannot pull off the Boston accent. When I watch this trailer for Shutter Island, I...um, well...I shutter. It's like Robin Williams trying to match Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting and it's just not right. Unfortunately, only Matt Damon sounds Matt Damon-ish, and really, he and only a handful of other actors can do the Boston thing. This means Hollywood's hiring pool is sorta limited to Damon, Affleck and Marky Mark.

I'm not even going to get into all those David E. Kelly shows.

Surely, I must be wrong. Have I left out other proven candidates for future Boston-based movies or tv shows that won't come off sounding like Kennedy's on crack? Discuss as you pahk yawr cah.

Now pass the chowdah.

Sleepy Time

I truly wanted to love Hammertime, the latest reality show that premiered last night on A&E. And yes, this was about MC Hammer himself, but not really in the "Where are they now/Behind the music-ish" way you might hope.

Sure there are the obligatory trips down memory lane to Hammer's former fame and fortune, like when spring cleaning results in "finding" some old memorabilia (really, Hammertime producers? Can you maybe stretch those creative muscles a teensy bit more?).

But the thing about Hammertime is that nothing really happens. Like, NOTHING. You know it's a bad sign when the first 10 minutes of the premiere are basically about the search for Hammer's missing cell phone...which is really just a plot machination to set up the reason for the spring cleaning, which is REALLY just to set up the reason to find the memorabilia. Sigh. I've been doing this way, way too long.

While one would hope there would be more heartfelt chatter about his past, like, how he blew through millions of dollars, instead there seems to be no end in sight to the endless opportunities to milk his catch phrases...i.e. "What time is it?". Crinnnnnnnnnge.

The other objective of this series seems to be to show the world that MC is super dad, which is great, except for the fact that it's just all rainbows and unicorns and happy all the time! Even the Brady Bunch had Marcia getting socked in the nose by that football once in awhile, ya know? On Hammertime, sure, there's a kid with some slipping grades, but it's all fixed and tied up with a bow by the end of the episode. Yawn.

MC Hammer aka Stanley Burrell seems like a nice enough fellow, so I wish him well. And I think those pants were kind of nifty.

But I'm sorry, as for the show...I just can't touch this.