She Moves in Mysterious Ways

*SPOILERS*
My descent into (tv credibility) hell rolls on as I continue to worship everything that is Rock of Love.

This past week's episode was genius: Bret brought in the remaining trannies' contestants' exes to dig up some dirt. First of all, god bless the producers on this show for their ability to be all Columbo-ish and turn up these dudes and get them to talk. (Ok, it was lame that all they could get out of Ambre's past was some friend, but still, pretty well played for the most part.)

And those crafty little investigators/producers even threw me off my own little Nancy Drew-ish trail. You see, I've seen the puppet strings a little and it seems to ME that the contestant "in the moment" interviews have clearly all been shot in one super duper marathon scripted day given the fact that they are always wearing the same outfits in front of the same backdrop. ALWAYS.

Unless it's the dreaded "Your tour ends here" post-elimination interview.

So, imagine the suspense and terror I felt when in the teaser a teary Daisy was crying in her interview...and she was outside! Not inside wearing pink as she usually is. Say it ain't so, could Bret be about to say "love you not" to Daisy...possibly the most cartoonishly perfect reality show contestant the world has ever known??!

Nah, it was all just a little smoke and mirrors to keep us on our toes. Trust me, Daisy is going all the way. Phew.

Now, onto more important Rock of Love mysteries: someone PLEASE tell me why during the elimination phase Bret Michaels' lips had more crap on them than Lisa Rinna?

Seriously, dude, 1987 Debbie Gibson called. She wants her lipstick back!

Lost in Love and I Don't Know Much...

*Spoilers*

I have been totally riveted by LOST this season. Actually, I've been riveted by LOST every season, even during that time when people started fleeing (viewers, not island inhabitants) because it was too confusing.

I love every flash forward, flash back and somewhere in the middle nugget, but I have a confession to make.

Sometimes I have no idea what the hell is going on.

Like, this week...when Michael wakes up in the hospital, and for a second we flash to his medically-looking monitor, I think, "Do those numbers mean something significant...or is that just his blood pressure?" My brain hurts. Are those the same numbers that dude used to punch into the computer? And are those the same numbers Hurley won the lottery with? And when Michael tunes in his car radio, are THOSE numbers significant? The producers may call their little clues Easter eggs and yet I'm so stressed out!



But I love it.

And now Michael has to come back and kill everybody on that boat? Because of his guilt over killing those chicks whose names I can't even remember but whose real life mug shots for drunk driving are still clear in my brain?

There's so much more to take in. So much more's bound to happen. So, I'm glad we have a month before it comes back so I can do some much needed mental calisthenics.

But, based on this latest episode long flashback, one thing's for sure: we're gonna need a bigger boat.

Barely Baio

Remember that totally moving finale of Charles in Charge?

Me neither. That's kind of how I felt about this season of Scott Baio. Didn't you kinda stop caring? Did you ever?

I DID, DAMMIT!

So what killed Scott Baio?

It was a lethal combo of Johnny V, too much Scott Baio DOING THE RIGHT THING, and the biggest problem...it was totally overscripted and NOT in a good way.

You spend TWO whole seasons getting Scott Baio down the aisle (not to mention 46 years) VH1, and you throw us that lame redneck wedding? With the random brother Stephen cameo? What, cousin Jimmy wasn't available?

And if you're gonna go scripted, why not fake a little more hesitation to go down the aisle? Or have him break down? Or not throw his 'engagement party' in a room that looked like the executive producer's back office with some tablecloths thrown over the desks?

It's not all bad. I did love (fake or not) when Chachi Scott visited his agent and they joked about all the scripts they were getting in: Frankenbaio, Baiowulf, 28 Baios Later, and my personal favorite Brokeback Baio.

Maybe, just maybe, if there's a Season 3, VH1 will give us...Flavor of Baio.

Or Rock of Baio.

Or Behind the Baio.

Help! I can't stop Baio!

First Impression Rose

I only got through the first bit of The Bachelor XXVVVVI and have time to share just a few initial thoughts:



Big Ben Matt seems less tool-ish than some of the usual Bachelors. Maybe there's hope. Maybe it's the accent. The girls were fairly interchangeable save for the carefully cast girl with the chronic hiccups, the Bush supporter, and the girl that's in 'church marketing'.

Holly abso-LUTE-ly is wearing the "Rachel" haircut. TRUST ME, this picture doesn't do it justice. I rocked the Rachel, too...in 1994.





Erin S. is 33. She is a hot dog vendor.

Best.

Job.

Ever.

Proud as a Peacock

I know the TV Ad people don't have it easy. There's pressure to have a clever catchphrase, you compete with massive competition, and it's pretty rare to be truly memorable. When it works, though, it works well.

Somewhere in the world is the person who came up with the phrase "Must See TV". That person is pretty proud of himself.

Inexplicably, I still remember this 1977 ABC "Still the One" campaign even though I was practically a zygote when it came out.

And this 1982 ditty still sorta stays with me, too.

But, sometimes, the campaigns are a little less than successful. In this [not so new] era of the internet, the ad peeps also have to find new and exciting ways to grab our technologically-maxed-out-ADD attention spans.

And sometimes they fail.

On NBC's Website, I stumbled upon the fact that they are offering up old "The A-Team" episodes online. With all due respect to Mr. T, I don't really care, but further links promised other vintage shows, so I was pysched. However, this promise of more retro programming landed me on this link entitled "Way Back Wednesdays", containing possibly the most random assemblage of tv shows ever, including The A-Team, Battlestar Galactica, and Emergency! Don't forget the exclamation mark!

And so I'm trying to picture how this meeting went: Ok, so this is all we could scrape up the rights to. How do we brand this? How about one of these: They all have people! At least two star Dirk Benedict! Some start with the letter B!

Instead, they landed on...Way Back Wednesdays, not because you can, like, only view them on Wednesdays (though that would've actually made more sense to me) but I am assuming it's because they all shared that dreaded mid-work week slot back in the day. Which i guess means that like 20 years from now you can watch Supernanny on this very site.

Anyway, I guess thanks to me, now you know. And that's... One to Grow on.

On the Road Again

*SPOILERS*

I know I should STOP BLOGGING ABOUT OCTOBER ROAD, but I have to just get this one in...and not just cause some of you wrote in to say that you secretly watch, too. Are you the same people that are secretly Republicans but voting for Obama?

Anyhoo, I watched the whole two hours of the season (or is it series?) finale. Which wasn't so much a two hour season finale as two episodes run back to back...but I digress. It was finally, dare I say, pretty good? It was returning to its Beautiful Girls roots and starting to finally tie up some loose story threads. (I mean, seriously, that dad played by Tom Berenger thought he might have cancer like 5 episodes ago...they're just addressing it NOW?)

The real problem with this show has been the Nick/Hannah relationship. This whole thing started with Nick's triumphant return home after 10 years to see Hannah...who has a kid who may or may not be his. And like any decent show, they've spent all season keeping them apart even though you know at some point it'll all work out.

But then October Road got off track and I stopped knowing WHAT this show was about (other than people in a Boston-ish town who have no accents except Tom Berenger who has one that comes and goes).

In the finale, though, there were subtle signs that they were figuring it all out. As it was nearing its climactic end, I was getting excited. Drama! Nick's leaving town again! This is what it's all about. The music started. On screen we cut back and forth between Nick leaving town and Hannah at her engagement party to someone else.

A cliffhanger! Will Nick really leave town while his dad has cancer and Hannah's poised to marry someone else? Will Hannah really marry Big Cat? Car driving down the road with Nick looking out the window, Hannah dancing around her engagement party. Car driving away. Hannah. Car driving away. Hannah. It was soooooooo Will Felicity choose
Ben or Noel-ish? They're about to fade to black. I love this!

[Needle off the record]

And thennnnnnnnnnnn the show went on for like 15 more minutes.

Sigh. Nick came back to town in the lamest non-cliffhanger EVER. Now, they didn't tie up the storylines perfectly or anything, but they just ruined it all with superfluous fluff that makes me think this show is not coming back like, ever. They rubbed further salt on my wounds by wasting time having the guys sing YET ANOTHER cringe-inducing song for YET ANOTHER montage to finally put this thing out of its misery.

Learn from the Sopranos, people!

If you come back next season, please, keep the ride a little more mysterious.

Singled Out

Even though the Oscars are a distant memory (thank God), here in Is It Just Me? TV-Land, there are never enough awards to give out.

And because of that, it is with glee I give some out for Monday night's broadcast of the Bachelor one-hour commercial for their new season "Where Are They Now?" Special.


















ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM Award: The update on re-engaged Bachelor Andrew Firestone left out virtually any discussion of what former fiancée (and former Bachelorette) Jen Schefft is up to. The update also failed to mention what factory Andrew gets his genetically engineered blonde fiancées from.

SCARIER ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM Award: Host Chris Harrison announced that Byron proposing to Mary was voted "Most Romantic Moment in Bachelor History"....even though Mary was arrested in November for assaulting Byron. Love hurts.

ONLY HER COLORIST KNOWS FOR SURE Award: Does that media-whore Trista really think mousy brown is the way to go these days?













It is so, so wrong that I continue to watch this series.

Night Court

Julianna Margulies is back on TV. She of the perfectly-manicured eyebrows and formerly 1/2 of the George Clooney coupling on ER, is back, starting tonight at 8pm on Fox.

On ER, she was a complicated, sometimes dark and troubled champion of justice in the hospital.
On the new Canterbury's Law, from the ads it looks like she plays a complicated, sometimes dark and troubled champion of justice...in the courtoom.






Does every drama involve medicine or the law? Between the 47 Law and Orders and 28 CSI's, I mean, seriously? Ok, fine, LOST is about neither of those things, but Jack IS a doctor and Kate IS on the run from the law. So there. I'm just saying, can't there be a drama about, oh, I don't know, a bunch of people who work in a mattress store or something?

Suddenly you're understanding why I am not in charge of the networks.

Anyway, that said, this one's got Denis Leary behind it (yes, of Rescue Me...a show, ok, not about the law but about firefighters) so it's got potential. The Monday night premiere also has Mike Figgis directing. That's the Mike Figgis who also directed Leaving Las Vegas, so if anyone knows from dark characters, it's him.

Doctors, lawyers, who cares? I think I'm in, because frankly, I need a little darkness.

The most serious thing taking up my DVR space right now is Simon's mean comments to Paula.

I Remember You

I don't know a single other person that watches October Road besides me, so I'm not sure why I'm dragging you down with me....but indulge me.

This week's episode was an October Road/Stand By Me mashup. When the guys hear that a girl they all had a crush on at the age of ten has died, they reflect on her impact via flashbacks purposefully made to resemble that famous movie. I almost expected Richard Dreyfuss to start narrating.

Instead, the flashback revealed that when said ten year old girl moved away, the boys had planned to give her a necklace engraved with the title of the Skid Row song, I Remember You- her favorite. So of course, at that moment, I think, "Here comes the cheezy song".

Nope.

Then we flash back again to the boys going to visit the now moved away (but not yet dead) girl. Of course they'll play "I Remember You".

Um, nope. (And even worse, we're made instead to endure a bad singalong to a Cinderella song. Please. Make. It. Stop.)

Finally, back in the present, we see the boys arrive at the dead chick's funeral. They bring the necklace and give it to her daughter. Clearly, they'll play the song here?

Sigh...no.
They DO eventually play it at the end of the show, but by the time THAT rolled around, I was thinking
A) I can't believe that I continue to watch this show.
B) I can't believe that I will probably buy that Skid Row song.
C) I can't believe that giant graphic ad for Dancing with the Stars has been in the corner of my screen through this entire episode.

I remember you when you were at least sorta good, October Road. But now, you're sorta...not.

A Given

It was sort of inevitable that I would like ABC's new spin on Extreme Home Makeover show, Oprah's Big Give. The premise, in a nutshell, is that contestants are sent off with some seed money (I guess it was seed money? They never really explained that part...) and are assigned to help people in need in some way. Whoever helps the most, in the best way, [read: not just giving away money] wins. I'm always a sucker for a tearjerker with a cause and Sunday nights have sort of become "Feel Good TV" night anyway, so I'm probably going to be hooked all season.

HOWEVER, I do, of course, have just a wee bit of feedback, OPRAH. Awards season may be over, but, may I present you my feedback via my own "Big Give" Awards:

THE "APPLES AND ORANGES" AWARD: The assignments were hardly comparable. For instance, how can you compare the woman who needed help with her mortgage because her husband was murdered while working at Home Depot...to the med student who needed help with student loans? One is called death, the other is called...LIFE. And while I'm at it, why couldn't Home Depot come up with some cash to help this poor widow?

THE "PLEASE MAKE IT STOP" A.K.A. THE "MY HEART WILL GO ON" AWARD: While I was psyched to dust off the Five for Fighting song, World, for this episode, when Best Days came on during the soldier segment, I thought, please for the love of all that is holy, find a new inspiring song for your reality show. American Idol has already cornered the market on this one. Let's move on, shall we?

THE "WITHOLDING INFORMATION" AWARD Why not tell us more about the judges? Malaak Compton-Rock has a charity background. Surely this information makes her a more credible judge than just being called "Chris Rock's wife" in the intro?

THE "PLEASE GOD, DON'T LET THE CAUSE BE SCIENTOLOGY" AWARD Previews for upcoming episodes showed John Travolta dropping in, so let's hope he coughs up some of his cash for the needy. Jennifer Aniston is also stopping by.

We assume her involvement has um, nothing to do with adopting orphans in Africa.