Actually, the sun will NOT come out tomorrow...

So, in honor of Halloween, I thought I'd dig you up a spooky treat.
Nope, not where to find the latest marathon of "Omen" movies, or "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown".

Tune in to Showtime to see "Life After Tomorrow".

This actually aired last year, but it's been, well, resurrected...and it's kinda scary. How you ask?

It's forty women all unified by the fact that nothing in their lives has ever compared to performing in Annie at age ten(ish). Now THAT's scary.

Add into the mix an interview with some old dude who shows off his massive collection of Annie memorabilia and then proclaims that, um, he's not a pedofile, by the way. He just thinks Annie stuff is super cool. So there. Scarier?

Actually, the doc is pretty fascinating, and kinda sad. It's a cautionary tale that draws you in much the way we've all seen (and watched in a can't help it sort of way) so many child stars fall by the wayside.

Of course, there are exceptions to this large group of contend-ah's. I'll betcha they used as much of the Sarah Jessica Parker interview (clearly their ace in the credibility hole) as they could possibly throw in. And even SJP is wistful for the days of her former hard knock life.

Here's a little sample. And I'd like to nominate the whole group for the Norma Desmond Hall of Fame awards....

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Once in a Lifetime

There are those certain movies that, when they pop up on TV, you can't turn them off. It doesn't matter how many MILLIONS of times you've seen them (or even if they are necessarily good), you still can't change the channel. Rocky (1-4). Cocktail. ANY John Hughes movie.

And then there's Pretty Woman.

Most gals I know can pretty much recite that movie by heart. And, in fact, no matter that in my case, the DVD might be literally sitting NEXT TO the TV. I can't change the channel. It's the same logic that keeps me watching Sex and the City re-runs night after night. (Those DVD's are also in close proximity to my TV.)

HOWEVER..this does not lessen the fury I feel at Lifetime for the shocking editing decision they made in THEIR airing of Pretty Woman. I get it. I know the TV-version of movies gets dubbed or cuts are made for time. But let's keep it real, folks, and put some thought into these choices.

In their infinite wisdom, they cut into arguably the most iconic scene in the movie (and so beloved by fans): the Julia Roberts shopping scene. I don't have to tell you that Richard Gere marching Julia Roberts into the store to make up for her horrid day of being unable to shop (!) is a great moment. But, the folks at Lifetime decided this was not important, apparently. In THEIR version, after Gere hears she had a rough time shopping, they cut right to the montage of Roberts trying on clothes. No hilarious Larry Miller sucking up. No Julia Roberts spitting gum on the sidewalk. Just Roy Orbison-themed clothing shots.

What's next? Will they buy Rocky 2 and cut out Apollo and Rocky climbing the ropes to the finish? Chop out Molly Ringwald getting the guy in Sixteen Candles?

I just can't take this kind of cinematic blasphemy lying down, so, here's the scene as it SHOULD have aired. Oh, and Lifetime folks, do me a favor, please don't colorize my black and white movies, either.

Somewhere in Time

On Sunday evening, as I was finishing some very un-fun financial stuff, I was doing my usual 11th hour quest for last minute info and was in dire need of some old billing statements. When I finally got a customer service rep on the phone, I was told that older statements could not be accessed because they are kept elsewhere on...microfiche.

Microfiche?!

Remember microfiche? I was, understandably, confused. Had I been on hold so long that I'd fallen down some rabbit hole and into 1984? Had I called customer service from a rotary phone? Remember going to the library to do a report and having to access microfiche? Now, that's not to confuse MICROFICHE with MICROFILM, which incidentally seems to be a very important plot point in alot of 80's soap operas and spy movies.

Anyway, I have not accessed the microfiche OR microfilm of my elusive financial records. However, it did put me in a nostalgic mood. And for those of you who want to travel back with me, you should really check out www.tvland.com.

TV Land has just added all kinds of fun stuff. You can procrastinate for hours! Full episodes of Leave it to Beaver (including the pilot with a different Wally and Ward!) and countless video clips can keep you entertained for as long as you need to avoid any real work. Click on the link below to see a classic Cheers moment from 20 years ago. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy that tv dinner.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid187784359/bclid230403154/bctid313013547

J on the down Lo

I love those big pop culture moments, the ones that take place on late night talk and get you running to the water cooler the next day.

There's the vintage: Drew Barrymore flashing Letterman....Hugh Grant gets caught with a hooker and tells all on Jay Leno ("What the hell were you thinking?").

There's the recent: David Letterman grilling Paris Hilton about prison (just kill me now that I am, again, mentioning Paris Hilton).

And then there's now.

When I heard that Jennifer Lopez was going to be on Letterman, I thought, "She's going to announce she is preggers! Finally!" But, sadly, I was robbed. She and Dave did do the subtle baby dance discussion, but in the end...it was nuthin'.

I hate being wrong.

Well, announcing a pregnancy on Letterman didn't really work out so well for Britney, so, maybe Jenny from the Block was worried about a jinx. Or maybe she's not even pregnant.

None of this is really my problem. The real problem is...NOW what am I gonna talk about at the water cooler???

I miss Bennifer.

Adding Insult to Injury

It's my fault. I knew you were all wrong for me but I keep coming back for more. It's just that I want to find true love.

But damn you Bachelor, you are a dirty dog and you keep lying to me!

Monday night's episode was especially ridiculous. The "accident" that they'd been gleefully touting in the trailers was some poor OLD girl (she's 30!) who slipped on the stairs. Some producer is totally fired because there were no shots of said fall. Then, because The Bachelor was on a Group Date, the producers had to make sure Bachelor boy was in the loop. So, instead of having some dramatic producer on-camera intervention (remember the good old days on the Real World when they would do something like that when someone was an alcoholic or an abuser?), they created a faux call...I mean a phone call.

Clocking in at 16 seconds, the transcript went like this:
Ring!
This is Brad.
Are you kidding?
I just want you to be ok
I'll be thinking about you tonight and I hope you're ok
Alright, bye.

The staged phone call did not lead to the group of girls with the Bachelor rushing to see Injured Gal, or even asking if she was ok...they were instead wondering aloud: How did she get your phone number? If she has a concussion how is she calling you?

After virtually no contemplation of this 'crisis', one enterprising chick seized the opportunity to move on from this seconds long diversion to get more alone time with Brad the Bachelor. Later, alone time turned out to be NOT a friend to Michele the Injured Gal.

Michele returns a few scenes later with a fleeting reference to her injury. No tearful reunions, no bedside confessions...she's just back and one gal expresses sadness on her behalf that Michele can't participate in all the bikini wearing date stuff [my words, but that's the gist].

We never do find out much about what DID happen to Michele, but when she finally gets her one-on-one time with the Bachelor, she babbles about being so old (again 30) and saying how she's not rushing to have a baby. He then of course rewards her by not giving her a rose and she cries about it.

Michele, don't be sad that Brad didn't want to see you again. Smash that head of yours back down the stairs once more so it knocks some sense into you.