Pride and Prejudice

When I saw that Neil Diamond was going to be on American Idol, I had to call my dad.

"Do you watch American Idol?" I asked.

"I don't watch those types of shows," he replied with, dare I say, contempt?

"What type of shows?"

"REALITY shows," he said, same revulsion in his voice.

"Have you ever seen it?"

"No." he said...quietly.

And so herein lies the struggle of reality shows...there are sooooo many stupid So You Wanna Be My Baby Daddy's Dance Partner-type shows that it ruins it for the good ones.

And it scares people like my Dad from watching a show I just know he would really LOVE.

Well, he would love it when they do Neil Diamond or Andrew Lloyd Webber songs. Any type of serious rock, well, he thinks it's called Rap and he calls it "garbage".

Anyhoo, I'm not sure if he watched, but most of it was right up his alley. Unfortunately, adding fuel to the fire that reality shows are wacky...Paula Abdul went a little haywire and somehow offered up a critique of a contestant before he actually performed. That was uncomfortable...or prophetic, depending on your point of view. The negative feedback she gave Jason Castro (albeit before he sang his song) was spot on.



American Idol Live TV Car Crash Moment: 1 Credibility: 0

Well, maybe my dad is right. Maybe I SHOULD stop watching reality shows.

And besides, if I want to see premonitions...I can start watching Medium.

Swept Away

I love this time of year. The flowers are starting to bloom. Children can practically taste summer vacation.

And the networks are pulling out all the stops to lure in viewers for sweeps.

It wasn't even on my mind until I saw this Oprah promo for some of her upcoming episodes hitting the small screen in May:

5/1: The Sex and the City cast will be on to discuss the upcoming movie. Now, I have no idea if they'll address the rumors about Big dying in the movie, but I do hope they talk about why his eyebrows are looking more manicured than the lawn at Charlotte's former country house with Trey.

5/2 AND 5/5: Tom Cruise is returning, his first visit since he jumped the Scientology shark his couch-jumping incident. Among other things, his appearance is a thinly veiled infomercial to convince us all that he is not an alien to celebrate his 25 years in films (anyone else feel old due to that statement?).


5/6: Barbara Walters is going to be on, too, dishing about her long career. The sound bite on the ad alluded to some scandalous affair that almost derailed Walters' career.

I can only hope and pray it was not an affair with Al Reynolds.

Aw, heck, it's sweeps time. I kinda hope it is.

Cry Me a River...of Dreams

*SPOILERS*

Ok, so I've been sort of a fair-weather American Idol fan up to now.

Each week, I've basically been just watching elimination night for the most part, forwarding through just to see the recaps + the see-ya-later video, but Wednesday night was a wake up call.

Live TV is totally awesome.

Finding out in a recap that my favorite, Brooke White, choked up and had to re-start on Tuesday's show is just not as impactful as watching it live. And, yes, yes, even though seeing it in recap form still made me tense up and get teary eyed like some 16 year old dork who thinks she failed her chemistry final (flashback! flashback!), I kinda wished I hadn't cheated and skipped ahead.

Annnyway, Brooke slid through, and I think it's because America is clearly falling for the same my-god-this-sweet-and-innocent-thing-must-be-an-act-but-oh-my-god-she-actually-IS-this-genuine thing that, if it really IS fake, has got me hook, line, and singer.

Er, I mean sinker.

And no offense, CARLY, I know you had to take the fall this week, but I'm not really going to miss your is-it-Irish?-is-it-Fargo?-accented singing.

The Name Game

TV People spend a heck of a lot of time sweating what their shows are going to be named. Just recently, I ranted about the green-a-palooza that is Planet Green. With the onslaught of new programming announcements, I took another spin to see some of the best (and worst).

Oh boy... there are some good ones.

On TLC, there's "This is Why You're Single", which is what my friends say to me once a week an intervention show for long-time singles.

On Animal Planet, "Stray to Hey" is about abandoned stray dogs who get new homes after getting a makeover. Wait, WHAT? Dogs getting a makeover? God I love that title, but if Carson Kressley is involved I am going to be concerned.

I actually should start watching Animal Planet. They already have "Escape to Chimp Eden" and "Groomer Has It". I have no idea what these shows are about, but the names alone are like, totally awesome.

Now, when I read in Variety that "Would You Rather" was a newly announced show hosted by Howie Mandel "where people have to decide between two equally unpleasant options", imagine my dismay.

"Would You Rather" is NOT a Bachelor-style dating show starring Dan Rather as the name would suggest.

Damn... and here I was hoping Dan might be our new Rock of Love.

Today Sweeps Me On My Feet

The Today Show announced the arrival of the four horsemen of the apocalypse that First Lady Laura Bush is guest-hosting an hour of the show next week.

This is how they ramp up to sweeps? By furthering some legacy-preserving agenda of the Bush administration? Besides, let's not pretend to be news-y, Today Show producers. Not when "Battle of the wines: Boxed vs. bottled" is an actual headline of a segment on your show.






While I'm ranting, isn't it about time that Al Roker stop intro'ing every local weather report with "That's what's going on around the country..." Dude says this no matter WHAT they are coming out of. It's really weird. Surely I can't be the only one who notices this? I mean, it makes sense when he actually gives the weather...around the country, but when he is talking about, say, lightbulbs, maybe he should mix it up a bit.

I'm just saying.

At least I'm excited for "Where in the World is...Matt Lauer". I do love that catchy little theme song. But, where in the world is The Today Show I used to love?!

Get Lost

*SPOILERS*

It's no secret I have commitment issues. I can't stick with shows like "The Biggest Loser" because it's too much WORK. All those hours to watch people cry and run up hills with, like, cement blocks strapped to them is just too much. So, even though I watched the first few eps of "The Biggest Loser: Couples" this season, I kinda gave up.

But I love me some tear-jerkin' finale.

So, I DVR'd said finale and had all of these random thoughts as I watched while eating Ritz crackers slathered in cream cheese for dinner because that's all that's in my fridge besides some old mayonnaise and those soy sauce packets that come with sushi:

-Am I going to get hate mail if I admit I thought, 'would it kill Alison Sweeney to do some tricep exercises to host this show'?

-Why does that lady Bette-Sue wear bifocals 24/7 like she's about to grade my english mid-term?

-Is trainer Bob wearing an ascot?!

-When I see a shot of a contestant shoveling in food in a 'before' video, it's pretty hard not to picture the producer saying, "can you just take ONE more bite of the hoagie?"

-Am I actually crying because that dude with the faux-hawk lost 136 pounds?

OK, TWO freaking hours of build up for that Ali chick to win a quarter of a million bucks and to be the "first woman in Biggest Loser history to win" and they roll credits before she gets to talk?

Now THAT is the biggest loser thing to do of all.

Detoxing in the E.R.

*SPOILERS*

I may have overdone it this weekend. I may have O.D.'d on reality TV.

Though I've only watched the Real World sporadically over the years (Seattle & Hawaii spring to mind), I decided to watch the 20th anniversary reunion special on MTV. What can I tell you..it was a weekend. I followed up that ditty with the finale of Rock of Love.

Now, there were moments of good in both. As far as the Real World Special, I totally cried at the Pedro Zamora flashbacks. And, on Rock of Love, I'm so happy the producers Bret picked Ambre instead of that tranny-looking mess, Daisy.

Now here's the bad. The Real World special was largely a big giant party filled with Real World alums getting trashed and fighting with each other. Imagine if you brought a video camera to a kegger in college and watched it back the next day - it might be funny to you...not so funny to anyone else.

Except here a lot more people are closer to 40 than 20 and it's supposed to be entertainment. It wasn't. It was a lot of yelling and bleeped out expletives...which was exactly what I grew tired of on Rock of Love (well, that and Bret in a tank top...give it up dude, or lay off the Fritos and beer).

And so I'm just so glad E.R. is back. It's a much needed tonic for what ails me. I know, I know, we've talked about this - you don't watch it. But, let me tell you, if this show premiered for the first time NOW and it wasn't season 112 14, you'd totally be all, Did you SEE that new hospital show?!
It's not your mother's E.R. It's grittier and much more layered than in the days when we all just watched to swoon over Clooney.

Plus, as an added bonus, I discovered two new songs they played during the episode that were simply stellar. You MUST check out Duffy's version of "Mercy". This chick's the next Amy Winehouse, for sure. And James Carrington's "Ache" was equally awesome.

Anyway, I'm just so glad the new dramas are back. I've been watching so much reality TV that all the fights and yelling were making me feel...icky.

Plus, if I'm really jonesing for some violence, I'll just wait for LOST to come back.

Green is Good

So we all know by now that it's an inconvenient truth that the environment's gonna go to hell if we don't all start pitching in and do our share. And so I think it's great Hollywood is doing their part by driving around in those teeny weeny little cars and hanging out with Al Gore. Really, I do.

And so it would follow that I think it's great that Discovery is launching their 24-hour eco-lifestyle television network, Planet Green. I'm all for it. I'm drinking my water out of a non-plastic container next to one of those curvy looking lightbulbs as we speak. Go environment!!!

However...

My dear, dear marketing/programming execs may have overdone it when they decided to come up with all the shows to fill this channel's new lineup. Here's a random sampling: Greenovate, The Green Life, Greensburg, World's Greenest Homes, and Mean Green Machines.

Tom Green has a show. No, I'm not making this up. And somewhere, Pink is kicking herself.

It's like their entire slate came from one of those meetings where everyone, including the day-one interns, has a few drinks and you get to shout out all your ideas and someone sticks them all up on a wall.

Maybe they went a little overboard. They maybe didn't have to pick them all.

Like Hollywood Green with Maria Menounos. The concept? It's an entertainment magazine series about celebs making "green" news headlines. Imagine it now....Scott Baio just used an eco-friendly diaper on his baby! Jennifer Aniston just wiped her mouth with a recyclable paper towel! Exclusive! George Clooney just returned a Coke can!

And for those rare shows without green in the title...well boy, they sure ran out of steam. "Tom Brokaw Specials" is, as you might imagine, described in the press as... a series of specials hosted by Tom Brokaw.

I am kind of excited though. I will totally tune in when they create Green's Anatomy.

Baby Steps

You know, truth be told, I'll take a great big heart-tugging drama over a reality show any day, but I do think people are too quick to pass judgment on reality shows and assume they're all exploitive pieces of trash (or in the case of my parents, that all 'reality' shows involve dares to get people to eat live bugs...is Fear Factor even still on? Wasn't George Clooney's girlfriend on that show? Do I actually have this much ADD that I am digressing this much inside the parentheses?).

Anyhoo, tick tock, as we await the return of the post-strike juggernaut of programming like Grey's Anatomy, 30 Rock, and Lost, I've stumbled upon a few reality jems.

First, over on Bravo, I really got into the premiere of Step It Up and Dance. Now, full disclosure, I must admit I not only recently met contestant Oscar but also actually watched the premiere at his apartment, however, "Step It Up and Dance" is like, really, really fun TV!
First, the timing for the show is perfect: dancing hasn't been this big since Patrick Swayze took Baby out of a corner in 1987.
Second, it's still got a little freak factor. Watching Elizabeth Berkley on that show, well, I can't possibly say it any better than NY Times writer Ginia Bellafante: "Ms. Berkley looks as if a rolling pin has been applied to her forehead, intimidating into fearful compliance any wrinkle that might labor to emerge".
And finally, it's freaking Fame-worthy fun! What a feelin'...oh, wait, it's Flashdance-worthy fun! Watch it on Thursdays at 10p on Bravo and root along with me for Oscar.

Next, I watched a full on marathon Saturday night of High School Reunion on TV Land (is it really any wonder why I'm single?). I watched seriously like 7 episodes. Basically, these genius casting people found the most perfect high school archetypes ever from the class of 1987 and shoved them all in a house for like 2 weeks to get them to hook up, then set the whole thing to 80's music. What else does one need? You can jump on the bandwagon, too. It's cheesy, it's fluff, and...it's not too late. The finale is on Wed at 10 on TV Land.

Finally, MTV's got Rock the Cradle (also Thurs at 10, so if you're jumping on my Step it Up bandwagon, there's Tivo-ing involved). Offspring of celeb singers (real celebs for the most part, not too many punchlines save for MC Hammer) compete in an American Idol-like sing off each week. Lucy Walsh (daughter of Joe Walsh) is the one to beat, while Chloe Lattanzi (daughter of Olivia Newton-John) clearly needs mental health counseling on a Britney size level. Her face is screwed up in a really really big, Meg Ryan-Lara Flynn Boyle-Melanie Griffith sort of way, and this young thing is like 22! Get this girl out of the spotlight, stat!

No live bugs were harmed in the making of any of these shows...as far as I know.

Separated at Birth...Bachelor Edition!

Sienna Miller and that chick Shayne whose dad is Lorenzo Lamas:

One is notorious for a broken engagement to a famous actor that cheated on her with a nanny.
One will become notorious for a broken engagement if the Bachelor proposes.

















Holly and Lynn-Holly Johnson.


One is contestant trapped in a time warp rocking the "Rachel" haircut.
One is an actress/ice skater trapped in a time warp in our heads as the star of cult classic Ice Castles.















Erin S. and Eva Mendes:

One is a contestant perhaps best known for her occupation as a hot dog vendor.
One is an actress perhaps best known for...aw, hell, sometimes the jokes just write themselves.










Bonus Round!
Ok, this has nothing to do with the Bachelor, but the dudes need to represent.


Doug Savant, who plays the husband on Desperate Housewives (ok Matt Fielding on Melrose) and that dude on the new Battlestar Galactica:

One's made a career out of playing second banana on quirky soaps.
One's made a career out of...oh, how the hell do I know? I'm a GIRL. If I'm home watching the Sci-fi Channel, well, that would make me single FOREVER!!!!
Happy April Fool's Day.