She Works Hard for the Money

Dear Brooke Shields,

Please fire your agent. I'm sorry Lipstick Jungle tanked, cuz I actually sort of liked it. Or maybe you're pissed you have to play Miley's MOM in Hannah Montana, but are things so bad that you had to make these Latisse commercials?

Now, I'm not against you doing commercials per se. I think your Coppertone commercials serve an important skin care purpose, and I've almost gotten past those weird Volkswagen commercials you did, but Latisse??

For those of you who haven't seen these ads, please indulge me and click here.

So, Latisse is some kind of freaky goop to rub on your eyelids that will (allegedly) grow fuller and darker lashes. Is this a void that needed to be filled in the marketplace? And before I get the letters from the sick people with no eyelashes, I'm not talking about people who've lost their eyelashes from disease. Nope. This is Brooke Shields, who lost them from years of tough-love beauty crap, like ripping off false eyelashes, and this ad is OBVIOUSLY targeted at the Botox generation. Plus, I mean, how is this not a Saturday Night Live skit?

After the voice-over chick ran down all the ways you might screw up your eyes from using this crap, I was waiting for her to caution that you might grow a leathery tail.

And I love how in this ad, Brooke is like at a party now because she has longer eyelashes, which is about as relevant as those herpes commercials where the couples are dancing on the beach and kayaking.

I've never quite understood how that works.

Also, why is she dancing with some dude that's not her husband? Is that her new and improved eyelash hubby?

As usual, I digress. Meanwhile, in other weird celeb endorsement news...

What's up with the fake kids in the Marcia Cross commercial for Mott's? It's like they all had their hair dyed the same L'Oreal Red #6. Although I am quite sure Marcia's lovely in real life, let's be honest - she always plays the crazies. Is this really who Mott's wants pretending to be all earth mother-y in their spots?

Maybe she should've been shilling for nuts.