90210 2.0

It's coming.

It's coming and you can't stop it.

This Fall, CW, home of new classics like Gossip Girl and America's Next Top Model, is bringing us 90210, the new-but-let's-be-honest-how-could-it-possibly-be-improved?-version. I'm excited and scared at the same time.

As you've probably already heard, it looks like both Jennie Garth AND Tori Spelling are coming back. And now, word arrives that Shannen Doherty might, just might, also be moving back to Cali's favorite zip code.

But no Dylan?! Sigh. Luke Perry has decided he and the pompadour are not returning. I heart Luke and wish he would come back, but I understand he is destined for more movies of the week bigger and better things.

In Luke's honor, let's all remember the greatest moment in the history of 90210, the episode where Dylan's wife Toni is shot one day after their wedding:



Don't lie. You cried, too...maybe just not as hard as when Ray Pruit (Jamie Walters) threw Donna (Tori Spelling) down the stairs.

Gone Baby Gone

Upfront week continues, and today it's ABC who has unveiled their fall plans.

NOT making the cut:



October Road: So, just as I had feared, we'll never find out if Nick is Sam's father. Or if Hannah will marry Big Cat. Or if the networks ever give a show with potential time to build an audience.












Cashmere Mafia: Sorry girls, NBC's Lipstick Jungle reigned supreme in this matchup. Pack up your knives Manolos and go.










Oprah's Big Give: I guess she gave enough at the office. Show's over.

Inexplicably, According to Jim comes back midseason. Oh goodie. I can't wait.

On the new front, King of Quirky David E. Kelley's got another show coming at ya. Life on Mars is about a detective who is transported to the 1970's. And Opportunity Knocks is an Ashton Kutcher reality show where producers show up on your doorstep and you have a chance to win prizes.

Opportunity Knocks is NOT, apparently, the feeling execs had for Big Shots. That show's gone buh-bye, too. Sorry, DYLAN MCDERMOTT, time to hit up big shot boss David E. Kelley for a new job.

Mr. Big (s)

This past week, ABC rolled out both Dirty Sexy Money AND Big Shots, both [not to oversimplifiy it] about rich guys. But, Big Shots is about much HOTTER rich guys, and is much campier, escapist fare. Dirty Sexy Money is pretty campy, too, but it feels like it might *try* to be more serious. My problem with it though is that the characters were such cliches...I mean that kid that played Jeremy Darling, the drug addict rich kid? He was SO some kind of sad Less than Zero parody. I'm going to give it a [big] shot, though, probably because I'm brainwashed by ABC's PR machine. They seem to have more of THEIR dirty sexy money behind this one. You can already go to their site and see a full episode, and at least here in NYC, the billboards are EVERYWHERE.

Regardless, Big Shots just got me right away. True, it's just the male Desperate Housewives, but it's pure sug-ah, especially with the one two punch of Dylan McDermott AND Michael Vartan, who both look like they've stepped out of a Bruce Weber ad. The dialogue is snappy and fun, and I can't wait to see what happens next week on this soapy soap.

Moving around the dial, I also checked out Life. I'm kind of into it, though I was absolutely annoyed to the point of distraction by the shooting style of the inserted "documentary" pieces that are used as a storytelling device. If you're not familiar, this is NBC's offering about a wrongly accused cop who goes to jail for murder, then is freed years later with a gazillion dollar settlement and becomes a cop again. It's worth a second look.

And, not to leave the gals out, I also gave Bionic Woman a chance. Also heavily hyped, I wanted to like it even though it's not my typical fare. I couldn't get into it, and frankly wasn't really sure what was going on half the time. But, the plot went something like this [I think]: girl gets in car accident that may or may not really be an accident with boyfriend and is brought to some Lost-ish medical facility where she gets all of her bionic parts. Then we find out her boyfriend is in on it, the people there want her to fight crime, or commit crime...I'm not really sure. Then some other bionic dissenter wants to kill her and/or her boyfriend who may or may not also be a criminal. Mostly, all of these people seemed to very baaaaaaad people. I think.

Oh, and Miguel Ferrer, aka George Clooney's cousin, is in it. Don't ask me why I know this.