She Moves in Mysterious Ways

*SPOILERS*
My descent into (tv credibility) hell rolls on as I continue to worship everything that is Rock of Love.

This past week's episode was genius: Bret brought in the remaining trannies' contestants' exes to dig up some dirt. First of all, god bless the producers on this show for their ability to be all Columbo-ish and turn up these dudes and get them to talk. (Ok, it was lame that all they could get out of Ambre's past was some friend, but still, pretty well played for the most part.)

And those crafty little investigators/producers even threw me off my own little Nancy Drew-ish trail. You see, I've seen the puppet strings a little and it seems to ME that the contestant "in the moment" interviews have clearly all been shot in one super duper marathon scripted day given the fact that they are always wearing the same outfits in front of the same backdrop. ALWAYS.

Unless it's the dreaded "Your tour ends here" post-elimination interview.

So, imagine the suspense and terror I felt when in the teaser a teary Daisy was crying in her interview...and she was outside! Not inside wearing pink as she usually is. Say it ain't so, could Bret be about to say "love you not" to Daisy...possibly the most cartoonishly perfect reality show contestant the world has ever known??!

Nah, it was all just a little smoke and mirrors to keep us on our toes. Trust me, Daisy is going all the way. Phew.

Now, onto more important Rock of Love mysteries: someone PLEASE tell me why during the elimination phase Bret Michaels' lips had more crap on them than Lisa Rinna?

Seriously, dude, 1987 Debbie Gibson called. She wants her lipstick back!

Lost in Love and I Don't Know Much...

*Spoilers*

I have been totally riveted by LOST this season. Actually, I've been riveted by LOST every season, even during that time when people started fleeing (viewers, not island inhabitants) because it was too confusing.

I love every flash forward, flash back and somewhere in the middle nugget, but I have a confession to make.

Sometimes I have no idea what the hell is going on.

Like, this week...when Michael wakes up in the hospital, and for a second we flash to his medically-looking monitor, I think, "Do those numbers mean something significant...or is that just his blood pressure?" My brain hurts. Are those the same numbers that dude used to punch into the computer? And are those the same numbers Hurley won the lottery with? And when Michael tunes in his car radio, are THOSE numbers significant? The producers may call their little clues Easter eggs and yet I'm so stressed out!



But I love it.

And now Michael has to come back and kill everybody on that boat? Because of his guilt over killing those chicks whose names I can't even remember but whose real life mug shots for drunk driving are still clear in my brain?

There's so much more to take in. So much more's bound to happen. So, I'm glad we have a month before it comes back so I can do some much needed mental calisthenics.

But, based on this latest episode long flashback, one thing's for sure: we're gonna need a bigger boat.

Barely Baio

Remember that totally moving finale of Charles in Charge?

Me neither. That's kind of how I felt about this season of Scott Baio. Didn't you kinda stop caring? Did you ever?

I DID, DAMMIT!

So what killed Scott Baio?

It was a lethal combo of Johnny V, too much Scott Baio DOING THE RIGHT THING, and the biggest problem...it was totally overscripted and NOT in a good way.

You spend TWO whole seasons getting Scott Baio down the aisle (not to mention 46 years) VH1, and you throw us that lame redneck wedding? With the random brother Stephen cameo? What, cousin Jimmy wasn't available?

And if you're gonna go scripted, why not fake a little more hesitation to go down the aisle? Or have him break down? Or not throw his 'engagement party' in a room that looked like the executive producer's back office with some tablecloths thrown over the desks?

It's not all bad. I did love (fake or not) when Chachi Scott visited his agent and they joked about all the scripts they were getting in: Frankenbaio, Baiowulf, 28 Baios Later, and my personal favorite Brokeback Baio.

Maybe, just maybe, if there's a Season 3, VH1 will give us...Flavor of Baio.

Or Rock of Baio.

Or Behind the Baio.

Help! I can't stop Baio!

First Impression Rose

I only got through the first bit of The Bachelor XXVVVVI and have time to share just a few initial thoughts:



Big Ben Matt seems less tool-ish than some of the usual Bachelors. Maybe there's hope. Maybe it's the accent. The girls were fairly interchangeable save for the carefully cast girl with the chronic hiccups, the Bush supporter, and the girl that's in 'church marketing'.

Holly abso-LUTE-ly is wearing the "Rachel" haircut. TRUST ME, this picture doesn't do it justice. I rocked the Rachel, too...in 1994.





Erin S. is 33. She is a hot dog vendor.

Best.

Job.

Ever.

Proud as a Peacock

I know the TV Ad people don't have it easy. There's pressure to have a clever catchphrase, you compete with massive competition, and it's pretty rare to be truly memorable. When it works, though, it works well.

Somewhere in the world is the person who came up with the phrase "Must See TV". That person is pretty proud of himself.

Inexplicably, I still remember this 1977 ABC "Still the One" campaign even though I was practically a zygote when it came out.

And this 1982 ditty still sorta stays with me, too.

But, sometimes, the campaigns are a little less than successful. In this [not so new] era of the internet, the ad peeps also have to find new and exciting ways to grab our technologically-maxed-out-ADD attention spans.

And sometimes they fail.

On NBC's Website, I stumbled upon the fact that they are offering up old "The A-Team" episodes online. With all due respect to Mr. T, I don't really care, but further links promised other vintage shows, so I was pysched. However, this promise of more retro programming landed me on this link entitled "Way Back Wednesdays", containing possibly the most random assemblage of tv shows ever, including The A-Team, Battlestar Galactica, and Emergency! Don't forget the exclamation mark!

And so I'm trying to picture how this meeting went: Ok, so this is all we could scrape up the rights to. How do we brand this? How about one of these: They all have people! At least two star Dirk Benedict! Some start with the letter B!

Instead, they landed on...Way Back Wednesdays, not because you can, like, only view them on Wednesdays (though that would've actually made more sense to me) but I am assuming it's because they all shared that dreaded mid-work week slot back in the day. Which i guess means that like 20 years from now you can watch Supernanny on this very site.

Anyway, I guess thanks to me, now you know. And that's... One to Grow on.

On the Road Again

*SPOILERS*

I know I should STOP BLOGGING ABOUT OCTOBER ROAD, but I have to just get this one in...and not just cause some of you wrote in to say that you secretly watch, too. Are you the same people that are secretly Republicans but voting for Obama?

Anyhoo, I watched the whole two hours of the season (or is it series?) finale. Which wasn't so much a two hour season finale as two episodes run back to back...but I digress. It was finally, dare I say, pretty good? It was returning to its Beautiful Girls roots and starting to finally tie up some loose story threads. (I mean, seriously, that dad played by Tom Berenger thought he might have cancer like 5 episodes ago...they're just addressing it NOW?)

The real problem with this show has been the Nick/Hannah relationship. This whole thing started with Nick's triumphant return home after 10 years to see Hannah...who has a kid who may or may not be his. And like any decent show, they've spent all season keeping them apart even though you know at some point it'll all work out.

But then October Road got off track and I stopped knowing WHAT this show was about (other than people in a Boston-ish town who have no accents except Tom Berenger who has one that comes and goes).

In the finale, though, there were subtle signs that they were figuring it all out. As it was nearing its climactic end, I was getting excited. Drama! Nick's leaving town again! This is what it's all about. The music started. On screen we cut back and forth between Nick leaving town and Hannah at her engagement party to someone else.

A cliffhanger! Will Nick really leave town while his dad has cancer and Hannah's poised to marry someone else? Will Hannah really marry Big Cat? Car driving down the road with Nick looking out the window, Hannah dancing around her engagement party. Car driving away. Hannah. Car driving away. Hannah. It was soooooooo Will Felicity choose
Ben or Noel-ish? They're about to fade to black. I love this!

[Needle off the record]

And thennnnnnnnnnnn the show went on for like 15 more minutes.

Sigh. Nick came back to town in the lamest non-cliffhanger EVER. Now, they didn't tie up the storylines perfectly or anything, but they just ruined it all with superfluous fluff that makes me think this show is not coming back like, ever. They rubbed further salt on my wounds by wasting time having the guys sing YET ANOTHER cringe-inducing song for YET ANOTHER montage to finally put this thing out of its misery.

Learn from the Sopranos, people!

If you come back next season, please, keep the ride a little more mysterious.

Singled Out

Even though the Oscars are a distant memory (thank God), here in Is It Just Me? TV-Land, there are never enough awards to give out.

And because of that, it is with glee I give some out for Monday night's broadcast of the Bachelor one-hour commercial for their new season "Where Are They Now?" Special.


















ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM Award: The update on re-engaged Bachelor Andrew Firestone left out virtually any discussion of what former fiancée (and former Bachelorette) Jen Schefft is up to. The update also failed to mention what factory Andrew gets his genetically engineered blonde fiancées from.

SCARIER ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM Award: Host Chris Harrison announced that Byron proposing to Mary was voted "Most Romantic Moment in Bachelor History"....even though Mary was arrested in November for assaulting Byron. Love hurts.

ONLY HER COLORIST KNOWS FOR SURE Award: Does that media-whore Trista really think mousy brown is the way to go these days?













It is so, so wrong that I continue to watch this series.

Night Court

Julianna Margulies is back on TV. She of the perfectly-manicured eyebrows and formerly 1/2 of the George Clooney coupling on ER, is back, starting tonight at 8pm on Fox.

On ER, she was a complicated, sometimes dark and troubled champion of justice in the hospital.
On the new Canterbury's Law, from the ads it looks like she plays a complicated, sometimes dark and troubled champion of justice...in the courtoom.






Does every drama involve medicine or the law? Between the 47 Law and Orders and 28 CSI's, I mean, seriously? Ok, fine, LOST is about neither of those things, but Jack IS a doctor and Kate IS on the run from the law. So there. I'm just saying, can't there be a drama about, oh, I don't know, a bunch of people who work in a mattress store or something?

Suddenly you're understanding why I am not in charge of the networks.

Anyway, that said, this one's got Denis Leary behind it (yes, of Rescue Me...a show, ok, not about the law but about firefighters) so it's got potential. The Monday night premiere also has Mike Figgis directing. That's the Mike Figgis who also directed Leaving Las Vegas, so if anyone knows from dark characters, it's him.

Doctors, lawyers, who cares? I think I'm in, because frankly, I need a little darkness.

The most serious thing taking up my DVR space right now is Simon's mean comments to Paula.

I Remember You

I don't know a single other person that watches October Road besides me, so I'm not sure why I'm dragging you down with me....but indulge me.

This week's episode was an October Road/Stand By Me mashup. When the guys hear that a girl they all had a crush on at the age of ten has died, they reflect on her impact via flashbacks purposefully made to resemble that famous movie. I almost expected Richard Dreyfuss to start narrating.

Instead, the flashback revealed that when said ten year old girl moved away, the boys had planned to give her a necklace engraved with the title of the Skid Row song, I Remember You- her favorite. So of course, at that moment, I think, "Here comes the cheezy song".

Nope.

Then we flash back again to the boys going to visit the now moved away (but not yet dead) girl. Of course they'll play "I Remember You".

Um, nope. (And even worse, we're made instead to endure a bad singalong to a Cinderella song. Please. Make. It. Stop.)

Finally, back in the present, we see the boys arrive at the dead chick's funeral. They bring the necklace and give it to her daughter. Clearly, they'll play the song here?

Sigh...no.
They DO eventually play it at the end of the show, but by the time THAT rolled around, I was thinking
A) I can't believe that I continue to watch this show.
B) I can't believe that I will probably buy that Skid Row song.
C) I can't believe that giant graphic ad for Dancing with the Stars has been in the corner of my screen through this entire episode.

I remember you when you were at least sorta good, October Road. But now, you're sorta...not.

A Given

It was sort of inevitable that I would like ABC's new spin on Extreme Home Makeover show, Oprah's Big Give. The premise, in a nutshell, is that contestants are sent off with some seed money (I guess it was seed money? They never really explained that part...) and are assigned to help people in need in some way. Whoever helps the most, in the best way, [read: not just giving away money] wins. I'm always a sucker for a tearjerker with a cause and Sunday nights have sort of become "Feel Good TV" night anyway, so I'm probably going to be hooked all season.

HOWEVER, I do, of course, have just a wee bit of feedback, OPRAH. Awards season may be over, but, may I present you my feedback via my own "Big Give" Awards:

THE "APPLES AND ORANGES" AWARD: The assignments were hardly comparable. For instance, how can you compare the woman who needed help with her mortgage because her husband was murdered while working at Home Depot...to the med student who needed help with student loans? One is called death, the other is called...LIFE. And while I'm at it, why couldn't Home Depot come up with some cash to help this poor widow?

THE "PLEASE MAKE IT STOP" A.K.A. THE "MY HEART WILL GO ON" AWARD: While I was psyched to dust off the Five for Fighting song, World, for this episode, when Best Days came on during the soldier segment, I thought, please for the love of all that is holy, find a new inspiring song for your reality show. American Idol has already cornered the market on this one. Let's move on, shall we?

THE "WITHOLDING INFORMATION" AWARD Why not tell us more about the judges? Malaak Compton-Rock has a charity background. Surely this information makes her a more credible judge than just being called "Chris Rock's wife" in the intro?

THE "PLEASE GOD, DON'T LET THE CAUSE BE SCIENTOLOGY" AWARD Previews for upcoming episodes showed John Travolta dropping in, so let's hope he coughs up some of his cash for the needy. Jennifer Aniston is also stopping by.

We assume her involvement has um, nothing to do with adopting orphans in Africa.

A Moment Like This

*Spoilers*

Damn you American Idol! You are costing me money AND turning me into a blubbering idiot.

When American Idol announced that people could download performances on Itunes, I thought, "What idiot would do that when you can watch it on the internet for free?" Um, apparently, this one. When David Archuleta performed "Imagine", not only did I buy it for my Ipod but I am completely horrified that I like this dorky kid that seems more destined for Disney than rock star greatness. Who AM I?

But what can you expect from someone who actually owns MORE THAN ONE Vonda Shephard CD.

Now, if that little young thing David made me misty, well then seeing Alaina Whitaker get kicked off turned the waterworks full throttle. See, if you don't watch AI, they kick you off, then cruelly make "new loser you" sing. And you think to yourself, "how do they do this? How come they don't like throw up?" but they always bust it out.

Instead, Alaina did what I would do - froze up, then burst into tears and declared "I can't sing!" And those producers milked that moment perfectly, cutting to every teary-eyed person in the room. Cue the Paula pep talk, more tears, and then the non-loser girls gathered round to help her out and she, of course, in live-tv-gold fashion, sang her little heart out.

Which is why Alaina Whitaker is was on American Idol...and I am not.

PS. On a lighter note, Simon quote of the week: "Last week was boring. This week was awkward and ordinary". I will surely be stealing this to describe future bad dates.

Dreamboat

So I know you're trying to forget the most boring telecast in history, the Oscars, but I couldn't let this go unsaid.





When I saw Colin Farrell on the red carpet, I was immediately transported to another time. Did anyone else take one look at the (sudden?) patch of gray in his hair and get reminded of that girl in Nightmare on Elm St??? Remember? She's so tortured and aged by her nightmares that overnight she awakens with a gray streak in her hair?

Come to think of it, they kind of look alike. Especially in the eyebrows.

Anyway, getting old just sucks. Poor Colin. Remember the good 'ol days when he was squiring around Britney Spears and they were both hot and not a punchline? Sigh.


And yes, of course as soon as I thought of this I had to IMDB Heather Langenkamp (aka the girl from Nightmare on Elm St.) and no, she's not up to much...except somehow I missed (or maybe I forgot) that she played Nancy Kerrigan in possibly the most serendipitous case of pure look-alike-ness landing someone a part since Christine Taylor landed the role of Marcia Brady.

Mysteries of Happy Days

There is a Happy Days coverup going on, and I'm here to expose it.

The Today Show is running a series this week getting together casts of old shows and kicked it off with most of the cast from Happy Days. I have no idea why Scott Baio was not a part of it, especially since he was on Regis & Kelly an hour later. A booking error... or a conspiracy to have every channel become ALL HAPPY DAYS, ALL THE TIME? You decide!

Just kidding, this is not the mystery.

And no, I'm not talking about Chuck.

Everyone who ever talks about the end of Happy Days refers to the Joanie & Chachi wedding, topped off with Mr. C's final farewell. That certainly does SEEM LIKE the logical last episode. Hell, I even posted this clip just the other day.

But it's lies! All lies! There were FIVE more episodes after that 'finale'. This campaign of misinformation must stop NOW. Am I the ONLY ONE who remembers the episode that was a thinly veiled ripoff of the Stephen King movie, "Christine"? Fonzie with the old '55 Chevy? C'mon, people, I know you saw it. Now, it's not a classic (talking about the episode, not the car) like, say, when Fonzie goes blind or meets Mork, but it's out there and it was AFTER that damn Joanie loves Chachi wedding. Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy!

I mean, annnnnnnyway, I'll tell you something that is NOT a mystery. Poor, poor Erin Moran. Little Joanie wants so badly to be famous again it's hearbreaking. Every time that girl is ever on camera, she just says over and over again "I loooooooved it" about her time on Happy Days, like if she keeps saying it over and over, someone will let her play Joanie again. She's definitely pissed those Brady bitches got that variety show.

Well, her prayers have been answered...sort of. Sources tell me she's headed to Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. Now, I don't think she actually needs to lose weight but if it got her mug on tv....well, let's just say she's probably at Arnold's RIGHT NOW downing some cheeseburgers....

I Don't See Dead People

"There Will Be Blood": title for an award winning movie or the thought that women around the world would have about the prospect of meeting George Clooney's girlfriend in a dark alley? Discuss.












I wanted Julie Christie to win but I'm sorta glad that French chick won for Splash La Vie en Rose only because, well, upsets are fun.















Katherine Heigl's tool-ness grows exponentially every time I hear her speak. She was a presenter and announced that we should forgive her because she was 'really nervous'. Um, relax you phony, there are no Oscars in your future for "27 Dresses".


So my pet peeve with the dead people montage THIS YEAR had to be the music choice. Did they really need to build to a triumphant crescendo on Heath Ledger? I'm not sure what was more inappropriate: that or the glaring omissions. What was worse was that they put DATES after the In Memoriam (do they usually do this?) as if to say, "If you inconveniently die after our Jan 31st deadline, ROY SCHEIDER, we are NOT gonna re-edit this montage for you." This gets them off the hook for Roy, but Brad Renfro totally made the dead people deadline so I'm not sure what's up.

Memo to producers for next year: double check the obits and stick to the somber Forrest Gump theme for your montages. No need to get creative when it comes to the dead.

Go Diablo Cody...from Blogger to Oscar winner!

Can't Help Falling in Love

I wanted to send you all a snarky recap of the American Idol results show, but let's be honest: I fast forwarded to see who got voted off and the subsequent sappy going home video.

It's when that video came on that the trouble started.

You see, I am what you might call a music marketer's dream. You can pretty much put any angsty TV couple or general TV tale of woe to music and I am going to find that song and buy it on Itunes within 30 minutes...as in faster than the delivery time of Domino's Pizza.

(Ok, even I don't really eat Domino's Pizza, but you get the gist:
Heart-on-her-sleeve sap + music montages on TV=BIG BUCKS for Itunes)


Ross and Rachel do it at the museum!
Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

Click.








Izzy's fiancé dies/Will Meredith choose Derek or Finn?
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

Click.





Joanie freaking marries Chachi.
Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis;
Memories by...well duh, still Elvis

Click.
Click.



And so I'm sorry. No snark. No recap. I'm busy re-watching the going home montage...which is set to Best Days by Graham Colton.

Click.

Who's Watching the Kids?

Ok, I promise I won't rant about this every time I talk about American Idol but I have, like, a full time job and FIVE hours a week for one show? That sure is A LOT to ask for a show that in no way shape or form includes George Clooney.

I'm just sayin'...how do you people find the time?

Ok, on with the show. Girls Night.

I still think that nanny, Brooke White, is going far in this competition. She elicited the biggest response from ME, anyway, and it's mainly because when I look at her I can't help but think all of these things...in no particular order:
-She (or at least her hair) looks suspiciously like the model that's on the box of some crimping/curling iron thing I used to do my hair for my semi-formal in 1987.
-She is going to milk this "I'm an innocent nanny" thing [not so hidden subtext: I'll turn naughty for you] for as long as she can.
-Are the twins she's supposed to be nannying in day care now?
-Is nannying a word?
-Will Ethan Hawke and Jude Law vote for her?

Other random thoughts:

Isn't Alaina Whitaker & Carrie Underwood the same person?





Though I liked her initially, based on Wednesday's performance, that girl (Kristy Lee Cook) that sold her horse to get to Hollywood might need it to get home.

Oh well. Giddyup! It's Thursday and time for LOST.

Boys Will Be Boys

I'm trying to get into American Idol this season. Really, I am. Unfortunately, my commitment tends to mimic my gym-going habits: I start out strong, but eventually my attention wanes and I blow it off. This freaking thing is on THREE times this week? I promise you that's more times then I will do cardio. So, I guess the moral to the story is...ok there is no moral, but a few months from now I'll be fat with no new music.

Anyhoo, I'm giving it a shot, and I watched the boy's (men's?) night on Tuesday where they sang 60's songs. I thought mostly it was filled with a bunch of Tiger Beat-ish boys that I guess could steal Clay Aiken's fans, but very few I could get excited about. Mostly because I am over 18.

But, speaking of age, American Idol is totally having an identity crisis. Admittedly, I haven't paid attention to A.I. in a long time, but besides the preponderance of (seemingly) prepubescent youth, there were TWO guys that said they were 29. When did they raise the age limit? And isn't it sort of horrifying to be 29 and participating in a group called the Top 12 Boys? [By the way, I'm talkin' to YOU, New Kids on the Block reunion.]

Now, it wasn't all bad. On the opposite spectrum from the pre-teen hearthrobs, I thought Luke-the-carpet-cleaner-guy (totally his name going forward) was very hot even though he looked like he just came from work...at his carpet cleaning job. At what point in this competition do these kids get a stylist?







Also, kinda into the future-Bret-Michaels guy (as he will forevermore be referred to by me), Robbie Carrico.

Other thoughts? I can only hope that the voters will get rid of that Jason Yeager kid immediately for ruining Moon River for me forever. That song should stay immortalized the way it's supposed to.

No, NOT as the theme song from Breakfast at Tiffany's. For me, it's the "Big is leaving New York" song from Sex and the City.

It's my blog and I'll write that if I want to...

Down 'n Dirty

Bret Michaels HAS to be sitting around going, "I can't believe I get paid to do this".

This week's episode of "Rock of Love" featured the remaining whores girls competing in mud football which is basically female mud wrestling...but with a football. The 'winner' then got to have dinner with Bret...IN A LINGERIE STORE.

God bless the American Dream. Or at least, Bret Michaels' American Dream.

I continue to be perplexed by the casting of these girls, however. I imagine that slutty fake-boobed, big haired chicks aren't too hard to um, come by in L.A. But let's be real, most of these girls are NOT CUTE.

On the bright side, at least some of their not-cuteness is in a retro sort of way and takes me back to some good 'ol 80's fun.

Like Catherine. One of the other girls actually called her Peggy Bundy and I certainly can't improve upon that. Also, at least I can say God bless VH1 for not dealing in ageism cuz this chick is 45, which in the dog years of most bachelor-type reality shows is like 100. Hell, they may as well throw that old chick from Titanic into the mix.










And then there's Peyton. Oh Peyton. What is it about you that just immediately conjures up Marlboro Reds and Aqua Net? And you just KNOW her perfume is like, Love's Baby Soft or something. Do they still make that?

But mostly, when I look at Peyton, something else springs to mind: Leather Tuscadero from Happy Days.

Is it JUST me?

Either way, with Leather Tuscadero on the brain, it reminds me that I miss Happy Days. I especially miss Happy Days' VERY SPECIAL EPISODES...and actually, I miss VERY SPECIAL episodes in general.

Oh well, maybe they'll come back someday...just hopefully not on Rock of Love.

Well Played

*Spoilers*

When your show is called "Scott Baio is 46...and Pregnant", it surely presents a problem when cameras aren't allowed in the delivery room. In Sunday night's episode, Renee finally gives birth, but other than a few moments of waiting around, largely, the climactic birth scene occurs off camera.

Surprising? Maybe. And I'm not sure if this was dictated by the situation (hospitals often have filming clauses that kick out cameras if births become of the operating room-variety). It's hard to know if this was pre-planned or not. Maybe Scott Baio actually had a change of heart about revealing too much.

Unfortunately, this season, not-revealing-too-much has actually been a problem. Though I was a huge fan of season 1, as anyone who reads this blog knows, this season has felt largely contrived thus far, like Baio and friends were still playing along with the concept of the show but only on their terms. Other than what-I-hope-weren't-fake tears when Scott visited a church, it's been a little...soulless.

But, by NOT allowing cameras into the delivery room, something far better was revealed.

Behind all the silliness, when this show is good, it has heart. Through intimate photos and audio from the delivery room, a montage set to The Pretenders' "Hymn to Her" told the emotional story. They went for the sappy jugular and they got me. Sue me.

(Now, before you roll your eyes at my complete and utter descent into schmaltz-ville, I will say that the cynical side of me can almost hear VH1 screaming, "What do you mean you don't have the F-ing birth on camera?!!!!")

That aside, something else fun happened. I realized that this show has been quietly and effectively digging up a lot of great (mostly 80's) music worth checking out.

Until this episode, I'd never heard of Hymn to Her, a 1986 Pretenders song (uh, have you?).

And I bet sentimental freaks just like me are running all over the internet to find this song as we speak.

It was also nice to see Aha's song The Sun Always Shines on TV get some new life. Damn, once an 80's girl, always an 80's girl.

But don't worry, in case you think I've totally gotten sucked into some kind of overly emotional vortex, I also liked the Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me/car wash combo to convey that Renee and Scott were going to pretend for the cameras to fill a plot hole have sex.

In case you missed this episode, go to VH1.com for more airings. It IS VH1, so there's like, alot.

Jungle Boogie

Last week, when Lipstick Jungle premiered I definitely thought it was D.O.A., but last night's episode surprised me. While I'm not exactly upgrading this show to Season Pass status, I'm going to hang in and give it a chance.

My thoughts on the episode:

First, THE GOOD:
The addition of Lorraine Bracco as Brooke Shield's adversary was a great call. I loved her nastiness. The icy condescension that oozed from her lips everytime she called Brooke's character "hun" was a testament to Lorraine's genius as an actress. And when she told Brooke "You must have me confused with your shrink"...well now THAT's a testament to the writers. I can't wait to see what's next for Lorraine's character...though I do wish she didn't look like she'd jumped into some speed-up-the-aging time machine and a little bit like Kirstie Alley's long lost sister.

Now, THE BAD:
This episode opened with a fax machine spitting out box office numbers. I know, this is supposed to telegraph for me, as a viewer, that Brooke Shields's character Wendy is a busy executive that works all the time, even when she's home. Sure she does. And that's why those numbers would be emailed to her Blackberry. The last time I recall a fax machine delivering significant plot-hinging info was in [pre-crazy Tom Cruise's] The Firm....in 1993.

Welcome to the new Millennium, Lipstick Jungle!

...and THE UGLY
Seriously, what is going on with Brooke Shields?! They have made her look so bad on this show it's embarrassing. And not in a deliberate "This-character-is-going-through-a-hard-time-so-we're-going-to-make-her-look-fake-haggard" kind of way. No, this is in a "Fire Your Makeup Artist" (and while you're at it, the Lighting person, too) kind of way.
Damn, if they can't make freakin' BROOKE SHIELDS look good, well, let's just say I would run for the hills if I ever saw Lipstick Jungle cameras comin' my way!








Oh, and THE RANDOM
The storyline about Victory Ford's (Lindsay Price) quest for an old hat was stupid, BUT I am starting to catch a teeny weeny fever for an Andrew McCarthy comeback.

What about Prom, Blaine?!!!!