Stay Gold

Video may have killed the radio star, but Facebook might be killing the TV stars. Where the hell have I been? Well...uh, facebooking, recessioning, all that good stuff.

Anyhoo, I'm back now and I have a confession to make: I watched the Oscars the other night WITHOUT the usual glee and fervor that consumes me. What is going ON? Is it because every movie is such a huge freaking bummmmmmer?!!!!

I mean, at least The Wrestler was great, but again not a huge pick me up. And yet, I didn't even get the joy of having my man Mickey make his big speech. Damn you Spicoli Sean Penn!

And The freaking Reader? Now there's a good time. Watched it with my parents and not sure who fell asleep first, me or my (over 70) dad.









Ain't no way I'm touching Revolutionary Road. I'm sure the performances are great, and I know it's not fair to trash talk a movie I have never seen, but I think I'll skip the whole "Death of Dreams" genre.

As for you, you perky Slumdog-bandwagonners, I squeezed this one in just under the wire before Oscar night, and like that damn Little Miss Sunshine and Juno before it, I am not drinking the Kool Aid. Oh calm down, I liked it, it was heartwarming, blah blah blah. But best movie ever?

Not so much.

Well, with the Oscars behind me, it's time to get serious about TV again. I've got a DVR back up of Lost, a Bachelor finale next week and that overly dramatic-do-they-or-don't-they-kill-off-Rob-Lowe? Brothers and Sisters two hour movie "event" to watch on Sunday.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in...

(Un) True Confessions

Sometimes I wish I didn't work in television. I wish I lived somewhere in the suburbs of middle America, completely oblivious to the machinations of shameless producers who think their audience is a bunch of idiots.

But I've seen the wizard behind the curtain, hell, I've BEEN the wizard behind the curtain, and I just hate it when I can see those puppet strings so clearly.

And on Confessions of a Teen Idol...there are some MAJOR strings attached.

The premise of this week's episode centered around the has-beens walking a known paparazzi trap and trying to get their picture taken. This would've been a delightful little train wreck to watch, hell I might've even shed a tear for poor, washed up, cruise ship-lovin' Adrian Zmed after he got ignored, if I believed for one second that those were real paparazzi ignoring him and the outcomes of each has-been's walk of shame not completely scripted.

You see kids, let momma 'splain something to you. Generally speaking, unless you are unknowingly starring in your very own Truman Show, the people around you on a daily basis aren't walking around mic'd in case you happen to walk by. But AMAZINGLY, you could hear all the chitter chatter of the paps and their scripted comments about how washed up each d-lister was loud and clear. I even tried to ignore all this fakery like a 10 year old who knows Santa isn't real but still tries to believe. And with this earnest denial in mind, I thought, well maybe we only can hear them because the has-beens are mic'd, and on them are SUPER microphones picking up the dialogue of the paparazzi.

Ok, I'll buy that. I'll even suspend my disbelief further that all of the VH1 cameras are, oh, I don't know, behind a mailbox? A tree? Why do I suddenly picture a camera guy dressed in camouflage with a bush disguising the camera?

But then the paps' conversation continued...long after the has-beens had headed off camera, and likely, over to Craft Service for a snack. By the way, am I also expected to believe that these same actors paparazzi just happen to ask Jeremy about his old sex tape, the very same sex tape he just mentioned a few scenes ago?

Right. Pull this leg and it plays Jingle Bells.





Frankly, this is all making me turn on my man Baio. He is an Executive Producer of this sorry ass show? Is he the one advising Jeremy Jackson to also tout his MYSPACE page? Why don't we just pick up his latest cassingle while we're at it.

Sigh.

Back to the Future

*SPOILERS*

I'm so glad Lost is back. And even though I can't remember why most of the stuff on the island is going on, it's still oh-so-good.

First it was flashbacks, then flashforwards, now it's dealer's choice. Looks like this season is about movin' all over the dial in time. And I love it!!!!

Take that Marty McFly, the Space Time Continuum is totally screwed now.

Best part of the night: Hurley explaining to his mom what 'really' happened on the island. Yes, people. it IS that absurd!

Weirdest part of the night: That new (?) Neal Frogurt character that was on briefly- I don't know if he's significant, but either way, he will forever be the "Got Milk" guy to me. And while I'm at it, even though Nestor Carbonell (Richard Alpert) has been a significant part of Lost for a couple of seasons or so now, I am still surprised every time he comes on screen that he doesn't speak with an accent like he did on Suddenly Susan, even though that show's been off the air since 2000.

Wait, that's it! Maybe those island dwellers are traveling through time to odd acting gigs of years' past! Next stop, Evangeline Lilly's (Kate) totally embarrassing phone sex commercials.

Bring your flux capacitor!

Ew. That was NOT a euphemism.

Death Warmed Over

Bruce Springsteen once sang "57 Channels (And Nothin' On)". Well, it's all blizzardy and I just wanna sit around and watch TV and there ain't nothin' on.

And I know I should be gettin' my democracy on and watching something all Inauguration-ish, but...well, the cool stuff was on HBO and dang it I'm poor. Those big fancy cable channels aren't in the budget these days, so I had to settle for bad Youtube video of all the cool music performances that I missed yesterday.

And so today, I spent time clearing out the DVR and had the audacity of hope that I'd find something inspiring to watch.

Instead, a whole lotta dead people turned up:

The Good Is anyone still watching Desperate Housewives? Because even though the whole flashback/flash forward thing they've added isn't exactly ground breaking, it's made the show pretty fun to watch again. Sunday night's episode included flashbacks of both narrator Mary Alice and Bree's dearly departed husband Rex (Did she kill him? Did he have a heart attack? Who can remember?...) and seeing them pop up again was a good way to spice things up.

The Bad I don't know what to do. I was all on Team ER until this year, and now I have a backlog of episodes clogging up my DVR and I just don't know if I can do it. They lost me when they didn't make better use of Mark Green's comeback. Or flashback.

Whatever.

But, speaking of hospital shows and dead people, how much longer is Denny going to roam around Seattle Grace on Grey's Anatomy? Enough already! Well,things over at Grey's aren't completely critical; Eric Stolz as a serial killer IS kind of awesome...but, let's be honest, he doesn't look to be surviving past next week.

The Ugly Don't ask me why I am still hanging in on Confessions of a Teen Idol. Man oh man, has Scott Baio looked at himself on a monitor? Shave, dude. Or at least shower! He is looking chewed up and spit out, weird that he'd not take better control of his image if he is exec producing the show.

Ok, technically, nothing dead on THIS show, unless you count the careers of the people on it.

Hey, speaking of things that are dead, I sure wish they'd bring back Lipstick Jungle for another season. My DVR keeps picking up episodes of this overlooked show and it was actually pretty good.

I mean, if they can revive failed, 10 year old show CUPID, then surely Lipstick Jungle still has a prayer?

More about that soon...

Winter's the New Fall

When I was a kid I used to get really excited when the Fall Preview issue of the TV Guide came out. Yes, I was a tv geek even then. (I think it also had a lot to do with my older brothers influencing me, but luckily their love of Star Wars/Star Trek didn't stick, too, or I'd really be in trouble.)

Anyhoo, September always meant 2 things for me: back to school shopping and new TV shows! Now granted, we had 3 channels and it involved that giant antenna thing on the roof to get those channels juuuuuust right, but still, September's always been the place.

These days, though, it seems like January is like the chicest premiere place to be if you're on tv. So, with the new year upon us, my DVR's filling up and I don't know what to do...so I need to talk it out:

Confessions of a Teen Idol
Pros: Chris Atkins is sweet + I'm loyal to my man Baio.
Cons: Following a bunch of has beens who never were.
Verdict: It's like my morning bagel - it's bad for me and I don't even like it that much, but I can't give it up.

Rock of Love Bus
Pros: Hilarious last season, wanna support my friend who works on it, and I've been supporting Poison since 1987.
Cons: I just don't know if I can watch another season of borderline (?) trannies playing mud football again.
Verdict: On the fence

American Idol
Pros: Love the sob stories, fun when it gets down to the final round, potential for Paula to implode on live television.
Cons: 1 hour into the premiere and that new judge reminds me of one of those sales girls who talks down to you in an expensive store even though she's only making 5 bucks an hour.
Verdict: Leaning towards the readers digest/DVR version (just speed thru the auditions and stopping for the sappy ones) until they narrow it down.

The Bachelor
Pros: Haven't come up with any and haven't watched the second ep. Chris Harrison's pretty cool though.
Cons: Bachelor Jason's eyes are too close together and it bugs me.
Verdict: Maybe one more ep then I'll return for the finale.









Lost
Pros: An actual intelligently SCRIPTED show. Imagine that! It's not reality tv!
Cons: Does anyone remember what happened last season?
Verdict: Duh. Wouldn't miss the Jan. 21st premiere. Besides, even if they lie to me about what happened last season, I won't remember.

Trust Me
Pros: A drama about an ad agency could be fun to watch.
Cons: Don't we already have Mad Men?
Verdict: Giving the Jan 26th premiere a shot.

Oh man, I just realized 90210 came back last week, too. I can't keep up this pace. Is it summer re-runs yet?

Globe Trotting

I have a lot to say about the Globes, so I'm going the stream of consciousness route. I know it's long, but just compare it to Benjamin Button and it'll seem short! So without further adieu...

Biggest schadenfreude moment Though I don't really enjoy Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt (enough with the Button movie! It was 80 hours long and really does not live up to the hype unless you count makeup), I surprised myself at how much I enjoyed watching Ryan Seacrest squirm when they snubbed him on the red carpet.

Way to kick the night off with randomness Sting, with his shocking suddenly brown hair, and the camera cutting to Colin Farrell having the same reaction of surprise that you were probably having in your living room.

Award that made me the happiest Bruuuuuuuuce. The man is turning 60 this year. You Bruce haters be damned: besides the fact that he looks THAT good at that age, and still runs around on stage like he's 16, the man is a musical genius. Deal with it.

Award(s) that made me the unhappiest I can't believe my man Jon Hamm from Mad Men AND the awesome January Jones (also Mad Men) both lost. Plus it just reminded me how long I have to wait for new episodes. Sigh.

Cringe Moment The brilliant actor, Don Cheadle, being announced as the star of the upcoming film, HOTEL FOR DOGS. Don, please fire your agent immediately.

You know you Googled her after she won Sally Hawkins, who had to walk a mile to the stage because no one thought she had a snowball's chance in hell of beating the likes of Meryl Streep and Emma Thompson.

But why? Can't they just put a damn podium up so people don't have to juggle their awards?

My life's work is so inferior My thoughts as I watch the Stephen Spielberg lifetime achievement award montage.

I hate to digress but I can't believe the only food I have ingested today is the following, with no embellishment: 1 bagel with cream cheese, nachos, Ben and Jerry's S'mores ice cream. But at least I went to the gym! Ok, now back to regularly scheduled Globe blogging. Confessing is cathartic. Ahhhh.

Who knew Colin Farrell was that smart? Not me. That dude rambled forever with no notes and said some pretty great stuff. Check your DVR if you don't believe me.

Blah, blah, blah Is it just me, or does Angelina Jolie seem like she would have one of those limp fish handshakes?

Worth staying up for even if the gym is seeming less and less likely tomorrow morning I am such a sucker for a comeback. Mickey you crazy, crazy dude. Only you could show up wearing THAT, stick your hand down your pants during your speech, have the director flip you off...and yet I was teary eyed and cheering alone in my living room like a total weirdo. (Of course, by living room I mean also my bedroom and kitchen, too. Ah, New York studio livin'.)

Ok, FINE, I'll go see Slumdog Millionaire. I hate being left out!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

When I told my boyfriend I was thinking about watching Rock of Love Season 3, he threatened to leave me.

But then I clued him in about the genius that was Rock of Love 2, and soon, he had it cued up on the DVR.

What the hell am I doing telling my boyfriend to watch a show filled with slutty half naked girls????

Anyway, when it kicked off, I had some high hopes. The girls are so ridiculous and over the top, it was pretty good for a laugh. I mean, look, even foodies can't always go to the 4-star places all the time, right? Everyone needs those fried chicken and nachos kinda places once in a while to keep it interesting.

But somewhere along the way I got an itty bitty stomach ache. It was just all strippers and porn stars and freaks, oh my! for my taste. Now, to be fair, I don't know that I gave it a fair shake.

While I was watching, I was also doing battle with a laundry machine that stole my money, realizing the ho at Origins bamboozled me into buying the wrong moisturizer and overcharged my damn credit card earlier tonight, and facebooking a sudden onslaught of former junior high classmates that have appeared in my in-box.

So all the screaming hammered girls on my tv in the background were kinda buggin' me. And then I turned on the People's Choice Awards just in time for Carrie Underwood to come on and it just made me want to encourage her to lip sync. You're awfully pitchy, dawg.

Grrr. Chamomile tea, anyone?

Anyhoo, I'm calling it a day. I'm not giving up on you just yet, Bret Michaels.

But my DVR is getting pretty jam packed, so you gotta work harder to be MY Rock of Love.

Rose Colored Glasses

*SPOILERS*

God Bless the Bachelor franchise. No matter how bad it is, I can't help but get sucked in.

At least for the first episode. Because, really, it's all about the parade of contestants in the beginning and then the showdown at the finale. And that awesome, awesome trailer for the whole season at the end of the first episode. But more about that in a minute.

Now, no matter HOW many close up shots of Bachelor Jason's muscles in the gym in the opening intro, I still don't really see what these girls are so gaga about. But anyhoo, all these freaks realllllly wanna get their pic in US Mag or attention in general, so here's my thoughts on at least a few of them. Not too many could hold my interest, I must admit. It was just a sea of 20-something white girls (really, ABC? NO attempt to be more diverse in your casting?) all jockeying for screen time and pretending to give a crap about Jason's kid.

Oh Stephanie. We all know the producers hafta keep you around, you being a widow AND a mom, but girl, lay off the botox! It's freaky to look at. And while I'm at it, why DO botox-ers always pull their hair back to show off those skating rink-smooth heads? Cut some freaking bangs!

Poor, poor little pixie Renee. Jason may have cut you cuz he thought that vision board was craz-azy, but if it's good enough for Oprah, it's good enough for me. His loss!

And now, about that trailer. There are a few things you can always count on The Bachelor for besides the roses: everyone says "journey" a lot, people always end up in hot tubs, and for shizzle, the season-teasing trailer at the end of the first episode will make it seem like the most dramatic season EVER. This one's no exception. You have to sit through a minute or so of that drunk-ish girl and Jason saying "amazing" a bunch of times before it comes up, but it's worth it!!!

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?

*SPOILERS-ISH*

So I watched Confessions of a Teen Idol, and...no big surprise here. You get whatcha pay for. In these trying economic times, I understand that maybe VH1 had to shop the bargain basement bin for their ex-teen idols, but this show is really kinda screwed by the fact that they have to keep reminding the viewer who these people are.

I mean, this IS a problem for a show built on the premise that these dudes were super famous once, with a hope of making it big again, no?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure David Chokachi ("David Chokes" for those of us former Beantown babes in the know) was mobbed with female fans in his Baywatch glory days. And though I never pasted Adrian Zmed on my wall, I must admit, I definitely know all the words to every single song from Grease 2.

And at least the Fame guy is sort of compelling in that you can taste how bad he wants to be famous (again).

But in general, I am already tired of how many times I had to be reminded who Eric Nies was (and yet, I still don't know if his last name rhymes with those two knobby things on my legs, the way I describe how the daughters of my brothers are related to me or if it just rhymes with 'guys').

Anyhoo, I'm not a quitter, so I am going to watch next week in the hopes that maybe they'll spice it up with a little more Baio (that lame pseudo hosting cameo is not filling the void). And I'm hoping VH1 (and well, all reality show producers) will give the contrived "storm off the set" fakery a rest.

No, David Chokes, I don't believe for one second you were really gonna leave.

But with Lost, American Idol, and a brand new Bachelor coming up on the docket, that's a lotta tv in my DVR competing for my love though.

You boys better bring it.

Idol Worship

And you thought American Idol was the only game in town! Come January, LOTS of idols are coming your way in addition to all your resolutions.

On Jan 4th, just in time to kick off your New Year, VH1 will debut Confessions of a Teen Idol. The concept? Scott Baio is the host of a weekly series that throws a bunch of washed up heartthrobs in a house together as they try and resurrect their careers. Scott Baio tags along and plays guardian angel. Or something.

Cue the drama:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Now, I have good news and bad news for you.

First the good: I'm kinda psyched to see Jamie Walters try and make a comeback. Maybe it's the Boston gal in me, but darn it all this one-time Ray Pruit needs another claim to fame besides pushing Donna down the stairs.

Also, I'm glad VH1 took my advice to try and resurrect Christopher Atkins. Good move. Brooke's out of a job, too, with Lipstick Jungle gone, so maybe they'll nab a Lifetime movie together. Cool.

Now the bad: Of all the washed up stars in the universe, did the casting peeps really have to double dip into Baywatch?

WHAT is going on with Billy Hufsey's/the Fame guy's head and how come his hair doesn't fit? And while I'm at it, is it just me or is Scott Baio's hair looking super scary? And to keep the hair trifecta going, Eric Nies, the former Real World/the Grind guy needs a 12 step program away from his flat iron.

Seriously.

Anyway, everybody loves a comeback, though to be fair I'm not sure it's a comeback if I've never heard of you.

I'm talkin' to you, meth-lovin-cast-for-your-drama-Baywatch guy.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

I am totally getting into the holiday spirit! True, I am deeply, deeply troubled by AFLAC's decision to mar my childhood memories of Rudolph by using the jolly characters to sell insurance, but I guess so be it.

Nevertheless, as we passed the Day After Thanksgiving milestone, I became anxious to hear my holiday fave, "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

For some reason, though this came out in 1984, long before the days the internet made pretty much anything a permanent fixture, I remember every detail of that video as if I was still in the 7th grade.



I remember every little swoop to the beat that Boy George's shoulders made as he sang. I remember seeing that chick holding up the Squirt can and wondering what funny little private joke was behind it. And I remember the wafts of smoke circling around Jody Watley.

But when I watch it now, it also makes me want to give out some special awards to the folks in the video. It's never too late for prizes...

The Cherish Your Youth Award Poor, poor George Michael. Seems like only yesterday the pretty you was waking me up before you went-went.














The "Bet You Never Could've Imagined What a Tabloid Spectacle Your Life Would Become" Award I guess this could also go to Georgie, but let's cut him a break and give it to another George....Boy George, that is.

The "I Really Should Start Doing Yoga" Award Inspired by Sting, who might be the real Benjamin Button

The "I'll Have What He's Having" Award Inspired by Bono, who managed to look cool in a mullet then, and is even cooler NOW.

But, hey, it's the holidays. I should have a more giving spirit, so....

God bless us, everyone. Even the no-longer-famous ones.

Gossip Girl

I don't like to gossip here on this site, but I admit, I do my fair share of guilty pleasure TMZ-ing. And, once a week, I get to curl up with favorite gossip rag, US Weekly.

I rely on US for hard hitting journalism like their "Stars with Bangs!" expose or ridiculous diets that could kill me. US Weekly Magazine is there to help keep the Jen vs. Angelina feud alive and to keep me up to date on Lindsay's latest leggings.

I don't even mind that they put those Hills chicks on the cover sometimes, even if I still refuse to learn who they are.

But I think it's lame-ity lame how US is now putting politicians all over their magazine. US is my escape. I've enjoyed their careful cocktail of fluffy stories about A-listers and Z-listers, and everyone in between.

So please, no more politicians unless they are like, dating Madonna.

I know, I know, technically I talked a little politics myself election week so I don't mean to be a hypocrite, but c'mon! Enough already.

Don't get me wrong - I care about how President Obama is going to clean up the country, but I would prefer to read about it elsewhere. And I definitely don't care to read the EXCLUSIVE (!) from his barber that he doesn't care about going gray.

As for me, no gray area here, US Magazine. If your subject has anything to do with voting, stick to American Idol.

No Longer In Fashion

Even with all its gloss, NBC has pulled the plug on Lipstick Jungle.

Some thoughts as NBC says auf wiedersehen to the Jungle so they can focus on reviving dead guys on ER from like 5 seasons ago instead of investing in decent new shows:

I'm going to miss living vicariously through these chicks with the fake sounding names (Victory Ford? Really?) who conquered NYC with their power jobs and still seemed to have time for 3 martini lunches like every day. Wouldn't it be cool to have their jobs?

I'm going to miss obsessing over Andrew McCarthy's face. I still can't figure out what's different about it from his St. Elmo's days and was looking forward to finally figuring it out.

But mostly, I'm going to miss seeing Brooke Shields. I've always been rooting for Brooke, even if she did chuck her feud with Tommy Cruise to attend his alien wedding.

I know Brooke will be ok though. This girl has staying power.

But, please, oh please, do NOT let her and her Calvins become Suddenly...Susan.

15 minutes

Everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame.

Or so it seems.

As I scour every nook and cranny of the employment universe, I have no choice but to include Craig'sList on my daily go-to list of "job" sites. Yes, Craig'sList, that of the get rich quick schemes and a damn good place to sell that dresser you've been hangin' onto since you were like 16.

I've discovered something that maybe you already know: there is a show about everything. EVERYTHING. And if there isn't a show about it, someone, somewhere is trying to make one. A random sample of ads calling out to me this week alone:

LOVE YOUR MUTT BUT WISH YOU KNEW ITS BREED? NAT’L TV SHOW! - (NYC)

DO YOU HATE YOUR LIPS? - (NYC)

EVER HAD YOUR BIKE STOLEN? (Downtown)

Well, all this does is reinforce the fact that I am not going to find a job on Craigs List, nor am I going to get to be on TV. I mean, I don't have a dog, but if I did, I'm not sure I would want to put it on the Animal Planet version of "Roots". I actually like my lips, so, that's out, too. No one ever swiped my bike, but I'm pretty sure if I went on tv to talk about it, the extent of it would go something like this: "That sucked". The End. Let's be honest, no one's watching that.

I'm really not trying to hate on CraigsList. Just cause I don't wanna go on any of these (really boring sounding) shows doesn't mean there aren't REAL jobs to be found.

Here's a personal fave :
Wildlife Experts Needed For New Cable Series (National)

Northern California television production company is actively seeking wildlife experts with backgrounds in Evolutionary Biology, Ecology, and Zoology to be featured in a new cable network show. We are searching for individuals with personality, passion, and above all, a proven track record in researching and investigating genetic mutations.

Now, there's just one problem. I might be going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that any wildlife experts, particularly ones with a proven track record in genetic mutations, aren't trolling CraigsList for jobs.

I, however, AM. So, if you see any postings offering up millions for chick bloggers who like to talk about tv...

Good Vibrations

I'm declaring the 90's officially back.

First, the 90210 reprise (no matter how crappy it is). Then, rumblings of the return of Melrose Place (please, PLEASE bring back Andrew Shue).

Today, NBC was trying to get some traction by hinting that maybe, just maybe, George might make a quick return to ER's final season after all.

Yeah, right.

This got me thinking, if only, if only, they could just resurrect Seinfeld, it would be the perfect storm of 90's bliss.

I know we've made, um, quantum leaps since the end of Seinfeld (TEN years ago!), but I swear not a day goes by when I don't have some kind of incident that makes me feel like I'm in an actual episode.

Like today.

It was one of those non-spoken high noon type stand-offs in the laundry room. You know the kind I mean. I'm waiting for a machine. The weird lady folding her giant granny panties knows I'm waiting for a machine, yet no one says anything.

And so I wait. She knows I'm waiting. I know she knows I know she knows I'm waiting.

And still I wait.

Sigh.

I miss when Seinfeld would relish these moments in all their high waisted-jean glory. Since I know it ain't comin' back, I guess I'll have to just be content with other 90's-esque satisfaction, like a Democrat in the White House.

And in the meantime, I guess I'll just return to My So-Called Life.

Our Way, Yes Our Way

Sometimes, you have to just let things go. And so I shouldn't want to mess with the memory of last night's historically significant election and muck it up with my own issues.

But I can't help it.

I know I shouldn't admit how troubled I am with Michelle Obama's decision to wear a frock that evoked some kind of checkerboard/tie dye/superhero mashup on one of the most important nights of her life.

And I really shouldn't admit that every time NBC cut to Ann Curry in that graphically weird virtual reality colosseum, I couldn't focus on the results because I kept expecting Princess Leah to appear in a laser beam of light pleading "Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

But mostly, I really shouldn't admit that although I thought Barack's speech was pretty stellar, it woulda been SO MUCH COOLER if he just recited the Laverne and Shirley theme song. Is it just ME, or wouldn't that have kinda worked, too?

Give us any chance, we'll take it.
Give us any rule, we'll break it.
We're gonna make our dreams come true.
Doin' it our way.

Nothin's gonna turn us back now,
Straight ahead and on the track now.
We're gonna make our dreams come true,
Doin' it our way.

There is nothing we won't try,
Never heard the word impossible.
This time there's no stopping us.
We're gonna do it.

On your mark, get set, and go now,
Got a dream and we just know now,
We're gonna make our dream come true.
And we'll do it our way, yes our way.
Make all our dreams come true,
And do it our way, yes our way,
Make all our dreams come true
For me and you.

Yes, he could've! Ok, fine. I won't quit my day job.

Damnit, I don't have a day job. Hurry President Obama, fix the economy!!!!

Stella's Got Her Groove Back

I am feeling like Carrie Bradshaw more than usual.

And by usual, I mean in that way that my non-NYC acquaintances say "You are just like Carrie Bradshaw!" because they think I run around in Manolo's (I wish), drink cosmos (more of an Amstel Light gal) and party with celebrities (the closest I've come to that is when the REAL Aidan a.k.a. John Corbett screamed at me on a city street because he was convinced I was following him like a crazy stalker, even though I was actually just trying to cross the street during the NYC Marathon...along with about 3 thousand other people. Note to John Corbett: though your post-Sex and the City gig as the VO guy on Applebee's commercials IS impressive, it's not quite enough to lure me in.)

Anyhoo, the other night one of my readers approached me at a party, and he was worried about my blog. He was concerned that now that I've been mentioning a boyfriend on the blog, it might change the tone and piss people off. Listen, I know Carrie chucked her dating column (don't I write a TV one, BTW?) when she ran off to Paris to be with that Russian dude on Sex and the City, but let's not forget once she ended up with Mr. Big, she wrote a bunch of successful books.

Seems to me like it was a win-win for everybody.

Back in the real world, I may not be Carrie, but I am here to alleviate your fears. Single or not, nothing's going to change. In fact, I am going to make you a few promises, which I pledge to keep (yeah, yeah, me and today's candidates....did you vote yet????).

I promise to continue to call out shows I think are jumping the shark (This means YOU How I Met Your Mother. Enough with the 'One to Grow On'-type wrap-uppy VO's at the end of every ep, more Barney. Thanks.)

I promise to temper flaunting my occasional achievements (I ran 6 miles on the treadmill today!) with totally embarrassing pop-culture references (had Britney's 'Gimme More' on auto repeat through about 90% of that run).

I promise to continue to randomly dredge up 80's crap for no reason and then torture you with the theme song that you won't be able to get out of your head for the rest of the day, like this one from Family Ties.

In short, I promise to be...Just Me. After all, what would we do, baby, without us?

Money Talks

I don't generally talk about commercials on this here blog, but every once in awhile, I've gotta weigh in on ads when they get to me.

There is an ad running right now for HSBC bank that I find so completely vexing, I can't for the life of me figure out how it's gonna make me wanna go put my 2 dollars (and let's be honest, I mean literally two dollars) in their bank.





First, the ad if you haven't seen it (I tried like hell to find the :30 version, but this longer one was all I could dig up and frankly it just makes me all the more confused):



Now, I may not be a marketing strategist or anything, but as far as I'm concerned, any ads trying to lure me to do some banking really should feature something, anything, to distract me from the rampant fear and anxiety associated with today's banking insitutions - so I'm thinking puppies, sunshine, unicorns, whatever it takes to make me feel warm and fuzzy about the bank. That's what needs to be in bank commercials.

Not so much at HSBC.

So, just what IS the point of this commercial?

Is it that tree killers and tree huggers can live in harmony as long as they have lots of money invested at HSBC?

Is it that there are close by HSBC ATM's should you ever need to be bailed out of jail following a violent protest?

Is it maybe...don't invest your money in forests?

I'm thinking it's not any of that.

Who knows what that sad lady is singing about in the commercial. And maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm a little grouchy about finances these days. It certainly didn't help that I started my day with Suze Orman on The Today Show this morning screaming at me through the television to STOP USING CREDIT CARDS!!!!!

I know, Suze, I know.

Show me the funny!

Man oh man, have I gotta get a job. The other day, I spent a full 20 minutes engaged in a discussion of the subtle differences between two shades of nail polish: do I choose "Berry Hard" or "Lacy, not Racy"? Hmmm. Somewhere in the world is the person whose job it is to come up with these nail polish names. Maybe a new career for me?

As usual, I digress.

So, with not much to do but job hunt and try to avoid news about the economy, I have made it my mission to find more funny, because frankly, watching Suze Orman tell me how totally screwed I am is Halloween-level scary.

And so I (and I'm guessing YOU) really need a pick me up.

First, I snuck a peek at the season premiere of 30 Rock. Yes, I couldn't wait. Kind of like how I used to always find the Christmas presents my mother hid every year. Seriously, mom, no other hiding locations besides the bathroom closet?



Anyway, 30 Rock is back! I was worried Tina Fey wouldn't be able to shake the Sarah Palin persona, but no need to doubt the fabulous Fey. So, if you are in need of a little FUN yourself, click here and sneak a peek, too, or you can watch it live on NBC, Thursday at 9:30pm (how retro of you).

And speaking of retro...it's rare that I suddenly get into a show so late in the game, but I have recently started watching and loving The New Adventures of Old Christine. I thought it was just going to be more recycled Elaine bits (see: Frasier), but this show is so much more. Sure, it's a bit of Julia being, well, Julia, but the writing is sharp, biting, and pushing boundaries. Check it out, Wednesdays on CBS at 8pm.

Now, I was going to wind up this little ditty by telling you I was going to give "The Ex List" another chance. I am still in search of more fun, and several people recently told me they LOVE it. Alas, happy-seekers, CBS has pulled the plug.

Well, kids, look on the bright side. Sweeps is just around the corner. Let the celebrity publicity stunts begin!!!

The Audacity of Hope

I am ready for a change.

The fall television season has been one big yawner. Sure, I'm tv-side for every debate and every Tina Fey-anything, but other than that, let's be honest: the state of the current tv season is kinda like the economy. It sucks!

Now, there are a few bright spots. Mad Men is still awesome, even if I have no idea what is going on since Don Draper/Dick Whitman wandered off to LA in what feels like one big acid trip. But that's over next week (don't kill the messenger) and I'll have just another big void to fill.

Brenda's off 90210. Brothers and Sisters has turned into a bunch of whiners and worse...Rob Lowe isn't even looking that hot anymore. And, last week's episode of How I Met Your Mother felt a little too 'very special episode' ish to me.

I finally watched last week's ER (you know, it's the LAST year! George Clooney isn't on anymore!) and I was so bored and saddened because they sent Abby Lockhart off with a whimper. Now, in defense of ER, while I was watching said episode, I was juggling facebooking, designing business cards AND eating the most fattening pasta ever. And feeling guilty for eating the most fattening pasta ever. But, from what I saw, it was a real snooze-fest, even if that lady from Facts of Life did play a patient (again).

But I digress. This is supposed to be about HOPE, and this is more depressing than an episode of In Treatment.

On the upside, 30 Rock is coming back in two weeks. We can let Tina Fey get back to doin' her thang as Liz Lemon and let Sarah Palin go back to spying on Russia.

And come January, besides hopefully some other, uh, noteworthy changes, we can all get back to watching LOST and seeing what they do next to shake up the space time continuum.

Yes we can.