Baby Remember My Name

I'm still reeling from my close encounter with Harvey Keitel from last week. Now, I realize maybe this is like, no big deal to you. But frankly, I felt all Courtney Cox in that Dancing in the Dark video, plucked from the crowds and thrust into the spotlight.

Ok, maybe not a spotlight. One of those pocket sized flashlight type thingys (I digress but, even for a Bruce worshipper like me, that has to go down in history as the worst video ever, no?).

How does one follow such a thing up? For me, it was sweet talkin' my way onto the red carpet to go heel to heel with the one and only SJP. That's MS. Carrie Bradshaw herself, out and about to prove her marriage is intact support her hubby's film, and I found myself on the red carpet once again. And while I did indeed ace out a veteran NYC reporter for my 10 seconds with Sarah Jessica, it was all so anti-climatic. What, no invite to shoe shop? And what about her hubby? I thought for sure we'd jump onto the media riser and start singing "Twist and Shout" together, but...nada. And then to find out the next day that she held back baby news from me?

Well, that just kinda hurts.

And so it's back to regularly scheduled blogging.

Which means it's time to bitch about Lost (3 weeks of eps backed up on the DVR and slogging thru all the "Is it now? Is it before? Who's the latest Darma dude?" crap - do I really care anymore?), time to decide if I'll follow Brothers and Sisters to season 4 (did they really dump Balthazar Getty for screwing around with Sienna Miller?), and I'm even holding out hope that Grey's will pull off a nice, juicy brain tumor-wedding cliffhanger fiesta that will hearken back to the days when this show was heart patient-Denny good, not hallucination-Denny bad.

It's good to be back. Finale season lies ahead, so buckle up.

It's time for a different sort of magic carpet ride.

You Must Remember This, A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

If there's one thing about my day job that's consistent, it's that it's never the same day twice. At various times in my career, I've found myself running out at 3am to film childbirth, coaxing crazy brides to cry on camera, and once, paying (bribing?) a turtle watcher's society to allow my crew to film a fragrance bottle on a beach in Florida.

So it was just another day...ya know, interviewing celebs on the red carpet at the premiere for Woody Allen's new movie (feigned yawn here). I don't want to say I'm unimportant, but my placement was so far down the press line that the only ones further away from all the action was a team of pre-teen reporters covering it for kids. In rapid fire succession, the teeny boppers ace me out for the likes of Robert DeNiro, Debra Messing and Uma Thurman.

And then came Harvey Keitel.

I half-heartedly call out to him to stop for me, but why bother? That 12-year-old with the braces clearly has this one sewn up, right? But then he comes charging towards me, and I could've never predicted what would happen next.

The iconic tough guy movie star grabs me by my face, plants a giant kiss on my mouth, and walks away.

Say what?!

As I'm still gathering myself together, I'm realizing my camera man (a student, I might add, at his first movie premiere EVER) has gotten it all on tape. I'm freaked! And sure enough, every frame is captured, right there for the world, ok, like 10 people in my office, to see. And though I love to write about pop culture, I just figured this was a cute little incident to laugh about over margaritas with my friends.

But then I ended up in the NY Observer. The pop culturer is now the pop culturee!!! And I quote...

Just as Mr. Spurlock was speaking, Harvey Keitel and wife Daphna Kastner were walking down the carpet without stopping for anyone. Until, that is, a female reporter from a curious travel website called Citybuzz blocked his path, holding her mike out, and begging with her big eyes for him to stop and perhaps say something interesting. Mr. Keitel, seeing this, began to speed up, walking directly towards the eager reporter. Then he thrust his hands forward, grabbed her face, and planted an open-mouth kiss, before walking away and not saying a word.

"Did that really just happen?" the reporter asked her camera guy.

"Yeah, and I got it on tape!" the cameraman replied.

"I would have rather gotten an interview," grumbled the reporter, before packing up her equipment and leaving.

Thank you, NY Observer reporter Irina Aleksander, for calling my eyes big, though I'm not sure they were so much begging as bloodshot. And I'm pretty sure I didn't actually grumble. The rest, however, was true, except the path blocking part. But don't take my word for it. Here it is, in bright and shiny video!


Thank you, Mr. Keitel, for giving new meaning to the words, 'viral video'.

Spelling it Out

With our beloved Sydney triumphantly returning to the 'new' Melrose, I can almost overlook the hiring of Ashlee Simpson as a sure sign of the apocalypse how much the 'new' 90210 has been botched.

Maybe it makes me old (though not as old as that chick who played Andrea Zuckerman...that chick was like 50 during some of those graduation scenes!). Maybe it makes me a whiner. But wouldn't 90210 two-point-ohhhh have been better if it just plunked down more of those beloved (dare I say iconic) Aaron Spelling characters of yesteryear into circa now? They could just jump on that Lost/Desperate Housewives (and soon Gossip Girl) time travel train...flash backs and flash forwards are all the rage!!

Besides, let's be honest, unless you're Hilary Swank, being an alumni of an Aaron Spelling show? Not always good news, so let's give some of these kids a helping hand. They need work, and not just playing a guidance counselor (Jennie Garth, what are you DOING? Where is that fire survivin' pill poppin' I-choose-me gal that I used to love? Get thee a real plot line for Kelly, quick!).

Spelling Spinoff Alumni Outreach Program Contenders:

"Valerie Malone" Tiffani (sometimes Amber) Theissen: For awhile there, every sinking show was calling on this little vixen to be their secret weapon (this means you, What About Brian, Good Morning Miami and Just Shoot Me). Now? Last year she made a movie called Cyborg Soldier. CYBORG. SOLDIER. Maybe give her a gig on the new Melrose. She can be the new pool boy.

Or something.





"David Silver": Brian Austin Green Oh dear. I thought you were busting outta the pack. You had the hottie Angelina-wanna-be lined up as a blushing bride, and a regular gig on that Terminator series that almost made me forget that rapper thing you tried in the 90's. But girl doesn't want you to put a ring on it, after all, and I think you just croaked on that show.

Maybe time for a plan B, though I'll give it to you for staying in the press, even if this headline is a new low in journalism history.

"Steve Sanders": Ian Ziering He danced back into our hearts for a little while, but the long running gig as the voice of "Biker Mice From Mars" is surely not how this dude wants to be remembered? Give him a penthouse at Melrose. C'mon!

Now about that Candy Spelling. Surely there's a Mommie Dearest remake just waiting to hit the big screen...

Donna Martin graduates

My DVR keeps taping the new 90210 but I keep ignoring it. However, with Tori swinging by for a visit, and frankly, not much else to choose from other than a backlog of Oprah's, I figured what the hey.

Talk about a bad judgment call.

Where oh where to begin?

First, why was Tori channeling dear old dad's show Charlie's Angels? Those awful Farrah rolls in her hair were sooooooo '77. And not in a good way. Also, as it turns out, she saved herself for David for nothing...the big return was a setup to reveal Donna and David are separated. Oops, sorry, forgot to do a spoiler alert.

Right, like anyone besides me is watching this.

Second, Dixon and Annie are supposed to be brother and sister, but frankly, they're a little too close for comfort. They go on a secret road trip together and stay in the same hotel, they're giggling, dare I say flirting?...this is some serious Flowers in the Attic s**t if you ask me.

But the worst part, by far, is the Dr. Pepper product placement overload. I can handle an "organic" (those are air quotes) placement here and there - a subtle can shot...even a 'hey, can you pass me the Dr. Pepper?" I admit, I've produced a few shows that, artistic integrity be damned, have contained a few organic-in-air-quotes product mentions. But OH MY GOD, this was bad.

Like, I literally thought at one point that character Dixon might bust out with "I'm-a-Pepper-you're-a-pepper-wouldn't-you-like-to-be-a-Pepper-too?" as his next line.

I guess times are tough. You gotta do whatcha gotta do.

As a matter of fact, I'm blogger with no income in a recession. Hey Dr. Pepper, come advertise on my site!!!!

Scare Tactics

I have to admit, I've never really sought out horror movies. I mean, I saw The Vanishing 15 years ago and I'm still worried someone is going to kidnap me at a gas station and bury me alive after covering my mouth with ether.

That Jeff Bridges gave me the willies!

But the fun ones - the campy, Scream-ish, camp-o-rama types? Well those are just fun, and I like it.

And so I'm so happy Harper's Island has all the ingredients to be the perfect guilty pleasure. It's not too late for you to jump on board! Just click here to go to CBS's website and watch episode #1. This one-season wonder is going to kill someone off every week until the killer is revealed; that's all you really need to know. Stop reading NOW though if you haven't seen it. Spoiler alert, ahead!



What's good The producers are following the campy checklist here, everyone is pretty and often scantily clad. There's lots of red herrings so it seems everyone's a suspect, which is fun.

What's bad How could they kill off Harry Hamlin in ep one? The king of kitsch should have been kept around longer. His bronzer alone was kind of awesome, in a ridiculous George Hamilton is passing the torch kind of way. Super bummer.

Also, what's with the hot girls with the dorky guys? Totally unbelievable. They re-cast a lot of this show since the original pilot, seems like they should've had money left in their budget to find some cooler dudes.

I have zero inside info, but my money's on the groom to be the killer.

Next episode airs Thursday at 10p/ET.

Put a Little Love in your Heart

I have to be totally honest here. Before I watched Cupid, I had already made up my mind I was gonna hate it. Like, I had the headline in my head all day - "Slings and Arrows". I know writers aren't supposed to admit that we think this way, but indeed, sometimes we just do.

And then I watched it.

Guess what? I'm season passing it on the DVR.

Now, lest you get TOO excited at this first blush of romance, I am not putting it in, like, the AWESOME category. But it was a solid cute, especially for the first episode. And a little cute is something we all could use, right?


A quick cheat sheet if you missed the first episode:

-The show is 60 minutes, not 30. For some reason, I had decided it was a 30 minute sitcom in my head. Maybe you did, too. It's not.

-Every week, "Cupid" a.k.a Trevor matches a new couple. Hijinks ensue! I have to say, the show could've been elevated a bit if they had an A and B story. Not sure 60 minutes was totally necessary for the one couple story arc, but maybe I am too influenced by the over-caffeinated, ADD storytelling currently rampant on the networks.

-The constant each week is Trevor and his therapist, Claire. They've definitely got the Sam and Diane thing going, with a splash of Moonlighting banter thrown in.

I admit, it's kind of a CHICK show, but c'mon, give it a shot. It was a pretty good first date.

You don't have to take my word for it. Check out the first episode yourself, by clicking here. ABC has this handy little player for ya.

On a Wing and a Prayer

So, I'm finally caught up on all my shows. The DVR is at a modest 68% (gotta keep those emergency Sex and the City's and bad Lifetime movies I'll never actually watch stockpiled in case...well, I don't know, I just have a lotta crap on my DVR that I can't seem to delete. This is not unlike my closet, but I digress.).

I was all ready with my sweats and my ice cream, ready to watch the outcome of Edie's electrocution/car accident on Desperate Housewives tonight, and...a repeat? The knocking off of Nicolette Sheridan's character, I saw coming. The delayed second part, I did not.

Sigh.

With nothing but the aforementioned DVR fluff to pass the time, I started looking ahead to some of those remaining mid-season replacement shows coming up. After all, ER, for better or worse, is done this week. Mad Men isn't back anytime soon. And though I'm marginally interested in seeing if the producers on Grey's hate Katherine Heigl enough to make that brain tumor fatal, finale time will be here before you know it.

So even though soon there will be a 'good tv' deficit, at least there's a duo of mid-season replacements to consider to have on in the background while you're Facebooking for your viewing pleasure:

HARPER'S ISLAND
Premise: A bunch of people get together on an island and each week someone is killed off.
Good news: An island mystery to pass the time after Lost has its finale.
Bad news: Premise doesn't exactly bode well for a season 2. Also, lots of tinkering's been done since the pilot, including replacing Bill Pullman with, um, Harry Hamlin.
Premiere Date: April 9th @ 10pm






CUPID
Premise: Bobby Cannavale may or may not be Cupid, and has to (or thinks he has to) get 100 couples together to return to Mt. Olympus, all the while under the care of psychiatrist Sarah Paulson.
Good News: Who doesn't love a little romance? Plus, with new guest stars every week, employment for all the actors that aren't getting hired to lay on gurneys on ER anymore.
Bad News: The buzz isn't great and the original it was based on wasn't exactly awesome. Also, to me, Bobby Cannavale will always be the funky spunk guy from Sex and the City no matter how many shows he is on. Ew.
Premiere Date: March 31st @ 10pm

And I seriously still have a New Year's Eve Faith Ford movie on the DVR. A Kiss at Midnight may not be a Lifetime Movie, but it is Hallmark. It remains to be seen if they've sent their very best.

State of the Union

Hey, if the prez can do a little media blitz, why can't I?

I am not gonna lie, I'm woefully behind on my DVR. Like maxing out at 88% and starting to sweat it. The job that actually pays me (unlike this one) is sucking away all my time, and actually, my life, too.

It's bad when I have no time for TV. Recession jobs sure are a bitch.

I'm feverishly trying to delete and catch up. It's not helping the space issue that I have never been able to figure out how to get my DVR to tape Oprah just once a day, so her damn AHA moments are an extra jam up on the DVR superhighway.

Anyhoo, here's where I'm at:

Lost Still love it. Still genius. Still have no clue what's going on.

Desperate Housewives No one talks about this show anymore. Remember the good old days when everyone was talking smack about Teri Hatcher trying to hog the spotlight? It was a little fun, even if I never believed it. The show's still trucking along with some good eps, though I'm pretty sure Marcia Cross would win the Botox faceoff if she took on Nicole Kidman.

Put. The. Needle. Down.

ER Woefully behind on watching this. I snuck in the Clooney episode but there's like 3-ish episodes more looming that I have to cram in before the finale. Why do I feel like no one is having ER finale parties? Should I throw one? Bring your own CBC Chem 20 - stat!

Grey's Anatomy Just sat down to watch what I believe is last week's episode. Is that an Elvira stripe in Patrick Dempsey's hair? Is that meant to communicate McDreamy's angst?

How I Met Your Mother More Barney. Less Ted. Please?

And speaking of Ted, I still haven't checked out that new show, Better Off Ted. Oh the DVR pressure!!

Party Like It's 1999

I know, I know, where the hell have I been? Can't a girl go on vacation? Zeesh! Well, I'm back with some tv goodies for ya. It's all gonna be ok now. Don't worry.

So I was very skeptical about the Clooney comeback to ER, but dang, those producers got it right, don'tcha think? They just slid Dr. Ross and Carol Hathaway right in there like they'd never left. Benton and Carter, too. No trendy time warp or flashbacks needed here (which, BTW I have an EFFIN headache from watching Lost and that stupid time machine wheel of fortune gizmo, but more about that another time).

Anyhoo, I think ER did it right and it was almost as though it was 1999 again. Actually, it feels a little 1999-ish now, doesn't it? Look around...Dr. Ross is in the house. Who Wants to be a Millionaire is all the rage (Ok, Slumdog style. Whatever). And Britney Spears is on tour.

But I must confess I miss that 1999 rush-home-to-see-my-show feeling. DVR kinda nukes that. I mean, I love my DVR. I love that I can rest easy knowing that all my 30 Rocks are getting stock-piled, and my Oprah's are safe and sound.

And I love knowing that even if my DVR gets all fried up, which HAS been known to happen, I feel sure I can just find that coveted show on-line.

I love all this new technology, and I'm even starting to learn what Twittering is (though seriously, folks, I don't need to know every time you have a cup of coffee. You know who you are.)

And I know you live blogger types will say there are some shows we do still watch in real time, but it's just not the same. Not to me.

Sigh. At least some things stay the same. Ten years later, my VCR is still blinking.

Yes, I also still have my VCR. Baby steps.

Liar, Liar

*Spoilers galore!*

Last week, I was kind of pumped up after watching the Brothers and Sisters promo for their 2 hour movie. That show has followed a path of ok, awesome, who cares, and ok over the few seasons it's been on. But when their promo was touting a death? Well, in the world of dramas...deaths and weddings? We love 'em!!

But then I was feeling a little sad, cuz it looked like Rob Lowe's character, Senator McAllister, was a goner. I've loved that Rob Lowe ever since he was Sodapop Curtis! Why, oh why, would they kill him off? But when good 'ol Robbie survived the heart attack and all, I thought, OOOH, plot twist! Tommy is gonna get offed by Holly! That's gotta be it, I hope?! Those ads promised me a death, dammit!

Frankly, as the clock ticked on, I started to panic about who the grim reaper would send off to TV heaven...especially when Kitty put a loose blanket into that new baby's crib. Eek! Suffocation alert!

But here's the thing...no one bit the dust! That baby was as snuggly as a Snuggie one scene later, Tommy is just an embezzler, and the Senator is just ruthless, not dead.

What gives, ABC?

The show was actually one of the best I've seen in awhile. So why fake us out with the death promise? We would've been totally tuned in anyway if you'd just stuck with Cliffhanger 101 and kept it to the "Will he or won't he make it?" teases.

Cue the shot of the flat line. Duh.

And speaking of fake outs and ABC, by now you've all heard about the little switcheroo on the Bachelor Monday night. Maybe it's all legit: Jason's just a loser who dumped his fiance ON TELEVISION for the runner up. Not scripted by the producers at all.

Pull this leg and it plays Jingle Bells.

Finally, rounding out this week's trifecta of fakery, this poor dude Dane Patterson from The Biggest Loser...he lost like 100 pounds in 8 weeks, and now all anyone can talk about is the fact that even though he ran 23 of the 26.2 miles of a marathon, an overzealous producer in need of their all important finish line shot, like, NOW, drove him to the finish line.

Drove him. Like, get in the car and take a load off. Maybe we'll get a hoagie on the way.

Sigh.

Can we believe anything on TV anymore? Next thing you know, you'll tell me Trump's hair isn't naturally like that....

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I

Stay Gold

Video may have killed the radio star, but Facebook might be killing the TV stars. Where the hell have I been? Well...uh, facebooking, recessioning, all that good stuff.

Anyhoo, I'm back now and I have a confession to make: I watched the Oscars the other night WITHOUT the usual glee and fervor that consumes me. What is going ON? Is it because every movie is such a huge freaking bummmmmmer?!!!!

I mean, at least The Wrestler was great, but again not a huge pick me up. And yet, I didn't even get the joy of having my man Mickey make his big speech. Damn you Spicoli Sean Penn!

And The freaking Reader? Now there's a good time. Watched it with my parents and not sure who fell asleep first, me or my (over 70) dad.









Ain't no way I'm touching Revolutionary Road. I'm sure the performances are great, and I know it's not fair to trash talk a movie I have never seen, but I think I'll skip the whole "Death of Dreams" genre.

As for you, you perky Slumdog-bandwagonners, I squeezed this one in just under the wire before Oscar night, and like that damn Little Miss Sunshine and Juno before it, I am not drinking the Kool Aid. Oh calm down, I liked it, it was heartwarming, blah blah blah. But best movie ever?

Not so much.

Well, with the Oscars behind me, it's time to get serious about TV again. I've got a DVR back up of Lost, a Bachelor finale next week and that overly dramatic-do-they-or-don't-they-kill-off-Rob-Lowe? Brothers and Sisters two hour movie "event" to watch on Sunday.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in...

(Un) True Confessions

Sometimes I wish I didn't work in television. I wish I lived somewhere in the suburbs of middle America, completely oblivious to the machinations of shameless producers who think their audience is a bunch of idiots.

But I've seen the wizard behind the curtain, hell, I've BEEN the wizard behind the curtain, and I just hate it when I can see those puppet strings so clearly.

And on Confessions of a Teen Idol...there are some MAJOR strings attached.

The premise of this week's episode centered around the has-beens walking a known paparazzi trap and trying to get their picture taken. This would've been a delightful little train wreck to watch, hell I might've even shed a tear for poor, washed up, cruise ship-lovin' Adrian Zmed after he got ignored, if I believed for one second that those were real paparazzi ignoring him and the outcomes of each has-been's walk of shame not completely scripted.

You see kids, let momma 'splain something to you. Generally speaking, unless you are unknowingly starring in your very own Truman Show, the people around you on a daily basis aren't walking around mic'd in case you happen to walk by. But AMAZINGLY, you could hear all the chitter chatter of the paps and their scripted comments about how washed up each d-lister was loud and clear. I even tried to ignore all this fakery like a 10 year old who knows Santa isn't real but still tries to believe. And with this earnest denial in mind, I thought, well maybe we only can hear them because the has-beens are mic'd, and on them are SUPER microphones picking up the dialogue of the paparazzi.

Ok, I'll buy that. I'll even suspend my disbelief further that all of the VH1 cameras are, oh, I don't know, behind a mailbox? A tree? Why do I suddenly picture a camera guy dressed in camouflage with a bush disguising the camera?

But then the paps' conversation continued...long after the has-beens had headed off camera, and likely, over to Craft Service for a snack. By the way, am I also expected to believe that these same actors paparazzi just happen to ask Jeremy about his old sex tape, the very same sex tape he just mentioned a few scenes ago?

Right. Pull this leg and it plays Jingle Bells.





Frankly, this is all making me turn on my man Baio. He is an Executive Producer of this sorry ass show? Is he the one advising Jeremy Jackson to also tout his MYSPACE page? Why don't we just pick up his latest cassingle while we're at it.

Sigh.

Back to the Future

*SPOILERS*

I'm so glad Lost is back. And even though I can't remember why most of the stuff on the island is going on, it's still oh-so-good.

First it was flashbacks, then flashforwards, now it's dealer's choice. Looks like this season is about movin' all over the dial in time. And I love it!!!!

Take that Marty McFly, the Space Time Continuum is totally screwed now.

Best part of the night: Hurley explaining to his mom what 'really' happened on the island. Yes, people. it IS that absurd!

Weirdest part of the night: That new (?) Neal Frogurt character that was on briefly- I don't know if he's significant, but either way, he will forever be the "Got Milk" guy to me. And while I'm at it, even though Nestor Carbonell (Richard Alpert) has been a significant part of Lost for a couple of seasons or so now, I am still surprised every time he comes on screen that he doesn't speak with an accent like he did on Suddenly Susan, even though that show's been off the air since 2000.

Wait, that's it! Maybe those island dwellers are traveling through time to odd acting gigs of years' past! Next stop, Evangeline Lilly's (Kate) totally embarrassing phone sex commercials.

Bring your flux capacitor!

Ew. That was NOT a euphemism.

Death Warmed Over

Bruce Springsteen once sang "57 Channels (And Nothin' On)". Well, it's all blizzardy and I just wanna sit around and watch TV and there ain't nothin' on.

And I know I should be gettin' my democracy on and watching something all Inauguration-ish, but...well, the cool stuff was on HBO and dang it I'm poor. Those big fancy cable channels aren't in the budget these days, so I had to settle for bad Youtube video of all the cool music performances that I missed yesterday.

And so today, I spent time clearing out the DVR and had the audacity of hope that I'd find something inspiring to watch.

Instead, a whole lotta dead people turned up:

The Good Is anyone still watching Desperate Housewives? Because even though the whole flashback/flash forward thing they've added isn't exactly ground breaking, it's made the show pretty fun to watch again. Sunday night's episode included flashbacks of both narrator Mary Alice and Bree's dearly departed husband Rex (Did she kill him? Did he have a heart attack? Who can remember?...) and seeing them pop up again was a good way to spice things up.

The Bad I don't know what to do. I was all on Team ER until this year, and now I have a backlog of episodes clogging up my DVR and I just don't know if I can do it. They lost me when they didn't make better use of Mark Green's comeback. Or flashback.

Whatever.

But, speaking of hospital shows and dead people, how much longer is Denny going to roam around Seattle Grace on Grey's Anatomy? Enough already! Well,things over at Grey's aren't completely critical; Eric Stolz as a serial killer IS kind of awesome...but, let's be honest, he doesn't look to be surviving past next week.

The Ugly Don't ask me why I am still hanging in on Confessions of a Teen Idol. Man oh man, has Scott Baio looked at himself on a monitor? Shave, dude. Or at least shower! He is looking chewed up and spit out, weird that he'd not take better control of his image if he is exec producing the show.

Ok, technically, nothing dead on THIS show, unless you count the careers of the people on it.

Hey, speaking of things that are dead, I sure wish they'd bring back Lipstick Jungle for another season. My DVR keeps picking up episodes of this overlooked show and it was actually pretty good.

I mean, if they can revive failed, 10 year old show CUPID, then surely Lipstick Jungle still has a prayer?

More about that soon...

Winter's the New Fall

When I was a kid I used to get really excited when the Fall Preview issue of the TV Guide came out. Yes, I was a tv geek even then. (I think it also had a lot to do with my older brothers influencing me, but luckily their love of Star Wars/Star Trek didn't stick, too, or I'd really be in trouble.)

Anyhoo, September always meant 2 things for me: back to school shopping and new TV shows! Now granted, we had 3 channels and it involved that giant antenna thing on the roof to get those channels juuuuuust right, but still, September's always been the place.

These days, though, it seems like January is like the chicest premiere place to be if you're on tv. So, with the new year upon us, my DVR's filling up and I don't know what to do...so I need to talk it out:

Confessions of a Teen Idol
Pros: Chris Atkins is sweet + I'm loyal to my man Baio.
Cons: Following a bunch of has beens who never were.
Verdict: It's like my morning bagel - it's bad for me and I don't even like it that much, but I can't give it up.

Rock of Love Bus
Pros: Hilarious last season, wanna support my friend who works on it, and I've been supporting Poison since 1987.
Cons: I just don't know if I can watch another season of borderline (?) trannies playing mud football again.
Verdict: On the fence

American Idol
Pros: Love the sob stories, fun when it gets down to the final round, potential for Paula to implode on live television.
Cons: 1 hour into the premiere and that new judge reminds me of one of those sales girls who talks down to you in an expensive store even though she's only making 5 bucks an hour.
Verdict: Leaning towards the readers digest/DVR version (just speed thru the auditions and stopping for the sappy ones) until they narrow it down.

The Bachelor
Pros: Haven't come up with any and haven't watched the second ep. Chris Harrison's pretty cool though.
Cons: Bachelor Jason's eyes are too close together and it bugs me.
Verdict: Maybe one more ep then I'll return for the finale.









Lost
Pros: An actual intelligently SCRIPTED show. Imagine that! It's not reality tv!
Cons: Does anyone remember what happened last season?
Verdict: Duh. Wouldn't miss the Jan. 21st premiere. Besides, even if they lie to me about what happened last season, I won't remember.

Trust Me
Pros: A drama about an ad agency could be fun to watch.
Cons: Don't we already have Mad Men?
Verdict: Giving the Jan 26th premiere a shot.

Oh man, I just realized 90210 came back last week, too. I can't keep up this pace. Is it summer re-runs yet?

Globe Trotting

I have a lot to say about the Globes, so I'm going the stream of consciousness route. I know it's long, but just compare it to Benjamin Button and it'll seem short! So without further adieu...

Biggest schadenfreude moment Though I don't really enjoy Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt (enough with the Button movie! It was 80 hours long and really does not live up to the hype unless you count makeup), I surprised myself at how much I enjoyed watching Ryan Seacrest squirm when they snubbed him on the red carpet.

Way to kick the night off with randomness Sting, with his shocking suddenly brown hair, and the camera cutting to Colin Farrell having the same reaction of surprise that you were probably having in your living room.

Award that made me the happiest Bruuuuuuuuce. The man is turning 60 this year. You Bruce haters be damned: besides the fact that he looks THAT good at that age, and still runs around on stage like he's 16, the man is a musical genius. Deal with it.

Award(s) that made me the unhappiest I can't believe my man Jon Hamm from Mad Men AND the awesome January Jones (also Mad Men) both lost. Plus it just reminded me how long I have to wait for new episodes. Sigh.

Cringe Moment The brilliant actor, Don Cheadle, being announced as the star of the upcoming film, HOTEL FOR DOGS. Don, please fire your agent immediately.

You know you Googled her after she won Sally Hawkins, who had to walk a mile to the stage because no one thought she had a snowball's chance in hell of beating the likes of Meryl Streep and Emma Thompson.

But why? Can't they just put a damn podium up so people don't have to juggle their awards?

My life's work is so inferior My thoughts as I watch the Stephen Spielberg lifetime achievement award montage.

I hate to digress but I can't believe the only food I have ingested today is the following, with no embellishment: 1 bagel with cream cheese, nachos, Ben and Jerry's S'mores ice cream. But at least I went to the gym! Ok, now back to regularly scheduled Globe blogging. Confessing is cathartic. Ahhhh.

Who knew Colin Farrell was that smart? Not me. That dude rambled forever with no notes and said some pretty great stuff. Check your DVR if you don't believe me.

Blah, blah, blah Is it just me, or does Angelina Jolie seem like she would have one of those limp fish handshakes?

Worth staying up for even if the gym is seeming less and less likely tomorrow morning I am such a sucker for a comeback. Mickey you crazy, crazy dude. Only you could show up wearing THAT, stick your hand down your pants during your speech, have the director flip you off...and yet I was teary eyed and cheering alone in my living room like a total weirdo. (Of course, by living room I mean also my bedroom and kitchen, too. Ah, New York studio livin'.)

Ok, FINE, I'll go see Slumdog Millionaire. I hate being left out!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

When I told my boyfriend I was thinking about watching Rock of Love Season 3, he threatened to leave me.

But then I clued him in about the genius that was Rock of Love 2, and soon, he had it cued up on the DVR.

What the hell am I doing telling my boyfriend to watch a show filled with slutty half naked girls????

Anyway, when it kicked off, I had some high hopes. The girls are so ridiculous and over the top, it was pretty good for a laugh. I mean, look, even foodies can't always go to the 4-star places all the time, right? Everyone needs those fried chicken and nachos kinda places once in a while to keep it interesting.

But somewhere along the way I got an itty bitty stomach ache. It was just all strippers and porn stars and freaks, oh my! for my taste. Now, to be fair, I don't know that I gave it a fair shake.

While I was watching, I was also doing battle with a laundry machine that stole my money, realizing the ho at Origins bamboozled me into buying the wrong moisturizer and overcharged my damn credit card earlier tonight, and facebooking a sudden onslaught of former junior high classmates that have appeared in my in-box.

So all the screaming hammered girls on my tv in the background were kinda buggin' me. And then I turned on the People's Choice Awards just in time for Carrie Underwood to come on and it just made me want to encourage her to lip sync. You're awfully pitchy, dawg.

Grrr. Chamomile tea, anyone?

Anyhoo, I'm calling it a day. I'm not giving up on you just yet, Bret Michaels.

But my DVR is getting pretty jam packed, so you gotta work harder to be MY Rock of Love.

Rose Colored Glasses

*SPOILERS*

God Bless the Bachelor franchise. No matter how bad it is, I can't help but get sucked in.

At least for the first episode. Because, really, it's all about the parade of contestants in the beginning and then the showdown at the finale. And that awesome, awesome trailer for the whole season at the end of the first episode. But more about that in a minute.

Now, no matter HOW many close up shots of Bachelor Jason's muscles in the gym in the opening intro, I still don't really see what these girls are so gaga about. But anyhoo, all these freaks realllllly wanna get their pic in US Mag or attention in general, so here's my thoughts on at least a few of them. Not too many could hold my interest, I must admit. It was just a sea of 20-something white girls (really, ABC? NO attempt to be more diverse in your casting?) all jockeying for screen time and pretending to give a crap about Jason's kid.

Oh Stephanie. We all know the producers hafta keep you around, you being a widow AND a mom, but girl, lay off the botox! It's freaky to look at. And while I'm at it, why DO botox-ers always pull their hair back to show off those skating rink-smooth heads? Cut some freaking bangs!

Poor, poor little pixie Renee. Jason may have cut you cuz he thought that vision board was craz-azy, but if it's good enough for Oprah, it's good enough for me. His loss!

And now, about that trailer. There are a few things you can always count on The Bachelor for besides the roses: everyone says "journey" a lot, people always end up in hot tubs, and for shizzle, the season-teasing trailer at the end of the first episode will make it seem like the most dramatic season EVER. This one's no exception. You have to sit through a minute or so of that drunk-ish girl and Jason saying "amazing" a bunch of times before it comes up, but it's worth it!!!

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?

*SPOILERS-ISH*

So I watched Confessions of a Teen Idol, and...no big surprise here. You get whatcha pay for. In these trying economic times, I understand that maybe VH1 had to shop the bargain basement bin for their ex-teen idols, but this show is really kinda screwed by the fact that they have to keep reminding the viewer who these people are.

I mean, this IS a problem for a show built on the premise that these dudes were super famous once, with a hope of making it big again, no?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure David Chokachi ("David Chokes" for those of us former Beantown babes in the know) was mobbed with female fans in his Baywatch glory days. And though I never pasted Adrian Zmed on my wall, I must admit, I definitely know all the words to every single song from Grease 2.

And at least the Fame guy is sort of compelling in that you can taste how bad he wants to be famous (again).

But in general, I am already tired of how many times I had to be reminded who Eric Nies was (and yet, I still don't know if his last name rhymes with those two knobby things on my legs, the way I describe how the daughters of my brothers are related to me or if it just rhymes with 'guys').

Anyhoo, I'm not a quitter, so I am going to watch next week in the hopes that maybe they'll spice it up with a little more Baio (that lame pseudo hosting cameo is not filling the void). And I'm hoping VH1 (and well, all reality show producers) will give the contrived "storm off the set" fakery a rest.

No, David Chokes, I don't believe for one second you were really gonna leave.

But with Lost, American Idol, and a brand new Bachelor coming up on the docket, that's a lotta tv in my DVR competing for my love though.

You boys better bring it.

Idol Worship

And you thought American Idol was the only game in town! Come January, LOTS of idols are coming your way in addition to all your resolutions.

On Jan 4th, just in time to kick off your New Year, VH1 will debut Confessions of a Teen Idol. The concept? Scott Baio is the host of a weekly series that throws a bunch of washed up heartthrobs in a house together as they try and resurrect their careers. Scott Baio tags along and plays guardian angel. Or something.

Cue the drama:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Now, I have good news and bad news for you.

First the good: I'm kinda psyched to see Jamie Walters try and make a comeback. Maybe it's the Boston gal in me, but darn it all this one-time Ray Pruit needs another claim to fame besides pushing Donna down the stairs.

Also, I'm glad VH1 took my advice to try and resurrect Christopher Atkins. Good move. Brooke's out of a job, too, with Lipstick Jungle gone, so maybe they'll nab a Lifetime movie together. Cool.

Now the bad: Of all the washed up stars in the universe, did the casting peeps really have to double dip into Baywatch?

WHAT is going on with Billy Hufsey's/the Fame guy's head and how come his hair doesn't fit? And while I'm at it, is it just me or is Scott Baio's hair looking super scary? And to keep the hair trifecta going, Eric Nies, the former Real World/the Grind guy needs a 12 step program away from his flat iron.

Seriously.

Anyway, everybody loves a comeback, though to be fair I'm not sure it's a comeback if I've never heard of you.

I'm talkin' to you, meth-lovin-cast-for-your-drama-Baywatch guy.